Ultimatums
 

Okay. People tend to say that ultimatums are needy. However I beg to differ. An ultimatum, if worded correctly can be used to clearly define and set your boundaries.

I have used them to great effect on a couple of occasions recently. I got a strict Catholic girl back to my pad a couple of weeks ago and she tried to LMR me. I simply froze her out and told her that I don't do non sexual relationships.

She asked me how important sex was to me in a relationship. I responded that maybe it is not the single most important thing as there are other elements such as trust and compatibility, but it is fundamental. No sex, no way forward. This is an ultimatum. She then had sex with me.

Another girl kept me waiting for too long and in the end I had to tell her, "Look, I don't do platonic relationships with women. If you are hanging out with me and kissing me, then it needs to go somewhere sexual. Otherwise it is frustrating. So decide what you want and get back to me when you think you are ready." Sure enough, she called me a week later and we had sex.

What do you guys think? What represents a needy vs a non needy ultimatum? I think there is a difference. In my opinion, if you are perfectly willing to walk away unless things move in the direction you want then you are just demonstrating that you know what you want and you have clear boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate.

I like your style Midas - direct and to the point. If you're wording your ultimatums like that they sound perfectly logical.

As with all Ultimatums, you must be totally willing to follow through with whatever you ultimate.

Also Somtimes giving a girl an ultimatum will make her comply to your will (have sex in your example) or she will walk away if she just wants to mess about. but also somtimes a girl that would in future have sex with you will still walk away when given an ultimatum

twitter
 

I once was chatting up a girl on twitter after she showed a lot of interest I asked for her number to text. she says no. I say fine no text no tweet. she says unfair. I say it's totally fair give her my number tell her to txt and say I'm not tweeting her untill she does. next day txt.
then I try calling her she wont talk. so I say fine it's probably best that you have your own way see you in another life when twitter do voice calls. (notice the thought of seeing one another in another life powerful on the subconscious mind)
then get the call. An ultimatum is like threat it works if you're gonna do it ;)

They do?

Its important to state your expectations. If your expectations don't match those of the girl, its easier to find out by open dialogue rather than trial and error (which isn't a hundred miles from attempted rape... :s)

I will never fall into the provider category. I have the luxury of being poor.

Be honest with the girl by all means, and show them you don't need them desperately. If an ultimatum demonstrates this for you then cool. I don't feel the need to 'freeze out' girls though, or have a conversation about when we are gonna have sex.