PUA Forums - The UK's Leading Pick-up Artist Forum - Dealing with approach anxiety...

For almost every guy out there, at one point or another, the fear of approaching a beautiful woman has paralyzed them.

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In fact, one of the things that drove me towards getting my dating life fixed was the experience of seeing a beautiful girl walk past me on the street and feeling compelled to go and talk to her but unable to muster up the courage. It felt insane that I was incapable of expressing my most basic instincts!

The biggest fallacy in dating is that you have to somehow eliminate this fear in order to be able to approach a woman. In reality, the more that you try to eliminate the fear the more that you will feed it, and the greater your fear will be. As the old saying goes:

“What you resist persists” -Unknown

Another fallacy is that somehow you can get to a point whereby you can be confident every single time you approach a woman, or in any situation you find yourself in with a woman. Whilst it is true that you can be confident most times and in most situations after a lot of practice and having acquired a lot of experience, there will always be situations that evoke nervousness, tension and awkwardness. The key is not to be confident at all times and in all situations, but rather to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

When you can say okay to feeling awkward or feeling nervous or feeling uncomfortable then there is the freedom to express yourself regardless of these emotions. You become like water; you simply allow these emotions to flow through you willingly and without much disturbance.

“Water knows how to benefit all things without striving with them” -Tao Te Ching

Next time you see a beautiful woman you want to talk to and you feel nervous, simply say to yourself, “I’m a little nervous now but that’s okay”, and then approach her anyway!

I remember the first time I approached a girl in the middle of the day time and expressed exactly how I was feeling about her in that moment. I was absolutely petrified and she could see it! And guess what? It went really well!

She could see that despite the fact I was really nervous I ran over to meet her all the same, because I really wanted to, and in that moment she felt really special!

Over time, what you’ll find is that the less that you resist these emotions of nervousness and fear the less they seem to come up. However, don’t ever expect to arrive at a place where you never feel nervous or fearful because as long as you believe that you can get to that place you will be subtly resisting these emotions.

I’ve been approaching girls week in and week out for 4 years, in fact I was out doing it with a student today. And yes, at times, I was a little nervous!