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Default Feel uncomfortable when alone for a while in clubs and bars - 18-06-2018, 09:12 PM

When I'm out in a club or bar and I'm by myself for a while I find it hard to stay relaxed. This often happens after a conversation finishes and I don't have the safety net of a mate to return to or see anyone else I can start talking to.

I start to get very conscious of being alone, get into my head and if I stay like this for long become hesitant in approaching. As a knock on effect, when I manage to approach again I find myself coming off as a bit desperate or needy as I'm too keen to start talking or stay in a conversation.

The social pressure of being by myself can get a bit overbearing and a few times I've had to leave the venue to release the pressure.

In situations when I know I have a mate to return to or nearby, I feel a lot more relaxed.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get over this? I am fairly sure it is a mindset thing but I'm struggling with it at the moment.
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Default 19-06-2018, 03:15 PM

Are you having a drink when you are out?

Solo game is awesome in small doses, really builds your character. I've had some great times out on my own and pulled many times in doing so.
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Default 19-06-2018, 09:10 PM

Yeah I normally have at least a few drinks.

Ideally that's the stage I'd like to get to but at the moment I'm just freaking out too easily. Even when I'm out with a mate and they disappear for a good while I catch myself going into my head.
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Default 28-05-2019, 12:42 AM

As Jaz suggested, small doses. Instead of a club you have to pay to get into maybe try a few different bars so you can reset, sing your happy song or whatever it is that grounds you while you walk to the next destination.

Or go to the smoking area and have a more low-key conversation. Everyone talks to everyone in smoking areas so theres less approach anxiety and it'll keep you feeling social while you prepare for the next approach.
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Default 26-08-2019, 07:04 PM

Hi, I got helped with getting more confidence with my approach thanks to those guys: surgicalcoaching.net. Super helpful, You need to start taking action and even if you're not used to you'll get better both inner and outer.
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Default 26-08-2019, 10:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stevesst View Post
Hi, I got helped with getting more confidence with my approach thanks to those guys: surgicalcoaching.net. Super helpful, You need to start taking action and even if you're not used to you'll get better both inner and outer.
Shameless


Y'all think it's bougie, I'm like, it's fine
But I'm tryin' to give you a million dollars worth of game for $9.99
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Default 28-08-2019, 03:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fennec View Post
When I'm out in a club or bar and I'm by myself for a while I find it hard to stay relaxed. This often happens after a conversation finishes and I don't have the safety net of a mate to return to or see anyone else I can start talking to.

I start to get very conscious of being alone, get into my head and if I stay like this for long become hesitant in approaching. As a knock on effect, when I manage to approach again I find myself coming off as a bit desperate or needy as I'm too keen to start talking or stay in a conversation.

The social pressure of being by myself can get a bit overbearing and a few times I've had to leave the venue to release the pressure.

In situations when I know I have a mate to return to or nearby, I feel a lot more relaxed.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get over this? I am fairly sure it is a mindset thing but I'm struggling with it at the moment.
I've had the same struggle at times and have felt nervous and not very relaxed. The only thing I can say helps is more exposure. So the old face your fear, expose yourself to it thing.

For example you could maybe make yourself go to a bar or something by yourself for just one drink. And do it regularly enough such that you feel comfortable by yourself. Once you're comfortable with yourself you can move to the stage of being more sociable and approaching women.
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Default 28-08-2019, 03:33 PM

You guys are next level I have trouble approaching women even if I'm with good mates!
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