Being friends with exs
 

After thinking about the "insecurities" thread by Genepoole, it made me consider...

When you get in a relationship with a girl, is it okay for her to be friends with exs? What is acceptable? Should she be able to chat to him on FB? Phone calls? Texts? Meeting for coffee?

What about when they have sexual history but it is not an ex?

Also, should you, the guy, be able to remain friends with exs? Same questions for this side..

Save the trolling for one of the Jackal threads please :)

ive banged heads against this one a few times and now resolved it

ive had a couple of girlfriends (not fuck buddies) that when we started seeing each other they made it clear that - they were still friends with their exs or they had loads of male friends.

now im my mind its ok to have opposite sex friends but when you are in a relationship with somone there are limits to what i deem acceptable

for example Girl being best friends with either her ex or a guy shes fucked and going on nights out/coffees/phone chats/txts - exclusively with just them
for example one girl i was seeing used to go out with drinks with a guy she said was just a friend -- anyway we were drivin home one night and we pulled into this country park to shag in the car-- she goes oh thingy took me here and tried it on with me!
i think girls somtimes mistake a guy as a friend when really his intentions are to bone her and he is an unwilling orbiter
so ive learned-- not to make a big whohar about it but instead to destroy her at her own game and then let it be her own decision to stop this behaviour

if i am in this situation now i`ll just remain unaffected by it and when she asks me what im doing i`ll have arranged to meet one of my attractive female friends for a catchup at my house
instantly it fucks them off and before you know it they have agreed to stop whatevers pissing you off

"Destroy her at her own game"

Do you mean what you said in the next sentence, about meeting one of your female friends?

I have often thought this, but I begin to feel guilt (why should I feel guilty about having friends, but I do) when arranging to meet other girls..

no remain totally unafected then one day whe she txts youa sking you what your plans are tonight - just tell her one of your female friends is coming round for a catchup

For me Sexual History = Ex (1 way or another)

For me I would treat each relationship differently due to the intent which both your girlfriend and their ex have. Then again I would treat it the same as any relationship that my girlfriend had with a guy.

I think we've talked about intention in the past and I look at the intention they both have. If i felt that intention was inappropriate for that relationship and our relationship I would tell her or the chap (as it's better face to face) something to the effect
"look you obviously have deeper set feelings/intentions from your past, you either need to change your behaviour in x, y & z way as I am not prepared to accept this"

Should she be reasonable she should change or tell him to change.

As for me, I act in the way I would expect my ex to act, not to spend too much time with them, talking about them, try not to overdo the touchy feely business and treat them like I would any other friend.

As for FBs, they can do what they like as long as I don't know...

As they say: Ignorance is bliss

To do this though, you have to at some point tell her that you are not happy about her seeing her exes otherwise she doesn't know what you're pissed off about.

I think in reality it doesn't happen like that as the more time you spend with them, eventually the skeleton comes out.

At this point it moves from Fuck buddies to being in a relationship...

i never read anythin in this thread

the answer is no