No purpose + no intent = going nowhere
 

My game hasn't felt right for the last couple of weeks, and I think this is why.

The last 3 nights I have been out with greatlookingguy and another of his mates - both sound, will definitely be meeting up again in the future. But I'm finding my approaches becoming more erratic and inconsistent, I will drift into sets and chat without ever really identifying a target.

I have drawn the conclusion that even if I developed super-PUA ability overnight and could pull any girl I wanted, I would still feel unfulfilled. Why? Because other areas of my life still need improvement. And now I really understand what is meant by 'core confidence'.

Becoming good at your job, improving your physical well-being, taking up a hobby....these are things that have a goal, and therefore a sense of accomplishment when you reach that goal. If you start out just to 'get good at pulling girls' without improving at least one of those other aspects, then you are setting down the wrong path IMO.

In a way I'm glad that I've reached this stage, for a while I was in denial about it but eventually the truth must surface. So I plan to focus on non-PUA aspects of my life for a while, and just relax and have a good time when I am out rather than worry about approaching/not approaching, being in/out of my head, building comfort etc.

I can see the summit of the mountain, but also the dark forest in front and the long and winding path to the top. I'm sure many a person here has followed, or is following that path.

Does it feel easier to want to focus on getting fit or learning a new hobby or focussing on the career in lieu of going out, approaching and gaming girls? You're just having a lull matey. Your approaches are great and you're able to build comfort quite well. Some of the sets you bounced into this weekend were fabulous!

Now to start going for the close in every set you open. Yes, every set.

ABC -> Always Be Closing

Like I've said in one of my previous posts, that is something I need to focus on as well. Most intermediate lads I know of in the community have their approach skills sorted to varying degrees. It's all about getting consistent with the closes now.

Best way to get out of the "plateau" that one experiences when no progress seems to be being made, I've found, is to go out with a vengeance. Fury! Don't let the slowness settle in on a night out. Approach-Escalate-Close, Approach-Escalate-Close, Approach-Escalate-Close. Soon enough, the results will start coming in and your energy levels will go through the roof and you're back on the ball !!

See you out next weekend.

GLG - with all due respect dude, I think you have missed the point of my post.
But appreciate the advice nevertheless

SmileyK you just made me smile. Most people swan through their whole lives without reaching that kind of grounded view. Good stuff.

PS

Spot on K. You've hit an important milestone here that some PUA types never hit!

Us London lot should help each other in improving our whole lives rather than just been there to wing each other in sets.

Hmmm.. yep, maybe I have misunderstood your problem! So you're saying your game hasn't felt right recently and that's because you think you need (more) core confidence which you will get if you improve other areas of your life.. Correct?

I thought it was a lack of "results" that had you down but looks like you're on about something entirely different..

Do you feel these "improved areas" will help increase your core confidence by adding value to your life? Big muscles, a nice job, a nice red hot Ferrari... that kind of thing? So can core confidence not exist if one does not have these "externals" or is it just that it makes it easier to have them around to boost core confidence?

Which brings in dependency perhaps? If that job goes or fitness takes a dip, does your core confidence get affected?

Anyways, all the best and hope you find what you seek mate :D

Edit: Please don't get me wrong. Am all for improving aspects of life other than just the love life side of things. It is just that I wonder if anchoring the strength of one's core confidence on areas like career and health is a good thing to do. After all, it is called "core" and not "external" confidence for a reason. If the career goes for a toss or health takes a sudden turn for the worse, you would want your core confidence to be unaffected and going strong, providing you with that nice, solid inner strength to get back on track wouldn't you?

Question then is.. if one cannot (or should not?) improve core confidence using a great job or a fancy car or a six pack of abs.. then how to do it?

Good question. Circumstances are different for each person, in my case there are personal goals that I am now working toward. I already have confidence, but know I would have even more confidence if I'm working towards something. Having made that decision, I already feel much better for it.

Goals are not static - if you lose your job, then your new goal might be to find another one. If your fitness takes a dip, then you might look at new ways of fixing that issue.

For some, getting that nice shiny sports car might be their goal; for others it isn't. Really depends on the type of person you are

Can totally relate to this when I first got involved in the forum last year. I had the same reasoning as you and took it easy. Take your time in setting up other areas of your life, there will be ladies there for the taking when you are ready :biggthumpup:

being obsessed with one thing is never healthy. When I go out it's about having a good time. If I get laid fine but I'm not gonna let that take over my mind.


old Chinese proverb sums it up

"variety is the spice of life"

This is what I have been saying here:
What is this shit all about?
Just go out and enjoy yourself and concentrate on being interesting. Have a hobby. Do well in your job. I think this is what being socially awesome is. I go out, enjoy myself, go on dates but I work hard in my job, being a great dad for my kids, going to the gym 3-4 times a week as a hobby. I am starting a new contract in a week's time with a new client paying me more money and letting me do more hours. Life is great!
Good luck with the new you!!