Oh, and on some level she doesn't trust you (or perhaps drunken-you).

It takes two to tango, ofcourse there are plenty of promiscuous girls sluts out there - but they are not going to overpower you and fuck you (we wish!). You would need to consent to it and make it happen.

It's good that she's aware you're in demand, as she will value you more. Never dispel or deny that other girls are into you, a tiny bit of uncertainty makes them fight to be your priority.

If she's genuinely tormenting herself each time you go on a nightout, then you should sit her down and attempt to reassure her on trust, to alleviate some of that unhealthy worry..

I've heard this exact same thing from girls. I think its a polite way of saying "I don't trust you". Which is her problem, not yours. Just make sure you reassure her every now and again

Yeah I will reassure her but I won't stop going out because of it.

It's her problem, all I can do is reassure her. I have been invited out to an old friend's 20th birthday party in Leeds in June, and I told her I'd probably be staying in a hotel with my MALE friend, and she said "I don't like that" because she thinks we will bring a girl back with us!

I'm not guna let her stop me though, it will be a good night out, with all my friends I used to see a lot, and its just that Leeds is a long way from Notts area, so I have no choice but stay over or ruin the night by coming home early on a train. Doubt it !!!

It's not a polite way of saying "I don't trust you" at all. I in fact come from this mentality in a way, although less from a being bothered about losing my partner way.

I couldn't care less if the person I'm with goes off with someone else, I would never try to stop that happening in some paranoid manner, it would just be stupid and I've explained this before. If your partner views someone else as someone they'd rather be with why would you want to be with them? I know for a fact that I'm the best person in the world in the eyes of the person I'm with. If she wants to go off with someone else I won't stop her.

HOWEVER, the issue I do get is an overwhelming sense of rage at the disrespect guys show for me by trying it on with her. It is fucking disgusting that so many people come from a mindset of believing it's ok to crack on a girl that's not single. Most of them even justify it as ok because "he's not a mate" and tell themselves he's a dick in some warped way.

This is what bothers me. Back in the day however I used to use this "everyone else" thing based on a fear of my partner finding someone better than me - not cheating on me. I never worried about being cheated on. Losing the partner to a person better than myself was however a major issue and the lack of trust for everyone else comes from the knowledge that people couldn't give a shit whether someone is taken or not.

That's what's going on here.

I think thats an insane comment
when you deeply love somone you bond with them on a very deep level-- the pain you feel when you are forced apart permanently is soul destroying
to not have some fear of that happening is foolish and immature

you might say--well my gf would never do anything behind my back etc -- ive heard lots of guys say this about their partners and in my uncrupulous days the guy that said it was completely unaware that i was actually fucking around with her-- they are actually married now with kids/ happliy i might add

secondly to the guy that says 'my gf would never cheat on me' somtimes even with the best intentions a girl can end up in a situation which she has very little control over - for instance she could get very drunk one night out with friends and end up barely consciously getting fucked by some guy

how many girls have used the excuse -- i didnt know what i was doing i was drunk regarding why they did somthing with a guy. most often this IS an excuse and they pretty much knew full well what they were doing-- but in situations where they are not in control of their own actions anymore--this can actually be true.

nothing is ever black or white the world is a big shade of grey

I have no fear of it happening because it is beneficial. If she is attracted to someone else more than she is attracted to me then I don't want to be with her any more. I don't work on this "competition" mentality people have, there is no competition, there is only me and people's perceptions of me. I believe I'm the best, if someone I'm with doesn't perceive me as the best too then why the hell would I want to be with them? Yes it'll hurt, of course it will, such is the downside of emotional bonds, I will not try and stop it nor fear it though.

If she were to stay with me while being more attracted to someone else I would lose a massive amount of respect and attraction for her anyway for being too weak to pursue something she'd rather have.

That's not cheating, it's rape. Proving it as rape is intensely difficult, but it's rape. Anything less than that and she is capable of consenting, which is cheating. Alcohol is never an excuse for cheating.

At which point it's rape, and should be dealt with as such.

Don't try to say it's not, the law states this is rape too, anyone who is not of sound mind to understand their actions is not of sound mind to consent. Proof in court is incredibly difficult, but it's still rape. Any girl claiming this bullshit ought to be speaking to the police.

This kinda sounds like Phil and Carmada in the other thread about emotional control but I agree where RLAJay is coming from. I tell any girl I enter into a relationship with, casual or serious, I'd rather her be straigh up and tell me if she wants to move on.

However I can't say I feel great about it, but I feel better knowing she's doing her thing it off rather than leads me on in the time I can be doing mine.

So how do you as a boyfriend in your mind distinguish between a girlfriend that tells you she was drunk and cant remember what happened but you know she slept with a guy-- she cant remember if she was raped, -- how will you ever know what the truth is.

I think its easy to have a certain mindset in certain situations and feel very resolute as to how you feel and would deal with things-- but once those things actually come to pass a very different chain of events ands feelings come into play.

with my ex of 10 years i trusted her absolutly, i always thought that if she left me or did actually cheat on me i wouldnt be too bothered because i knew it wasnt right between us.
It was me that actually finalised the destruction of that relationship and at the moment there was no going back and it was finally over -- i actually realised truly what real love and a soul mate was-- i was absolutly destroyed at what i had done to her, it changed me massively and its took me 2 years to get myself together and i dont actually think i will ever be over it.

No doubt there are exceptions but then I think by taking a certain mindset and trying to better yourself, as everybody is trying to do on the forum, it prepares you for these situations (if you could ever be prepared)

I think there's also a big jump between rape and cheating which I hope I never have to face in a relationship.

The truth is irrelevant. If someone tells you they were raped you believe them until you know otherwise.

Whether it's true or not is irrelevant anyway. She's likely done stuff with the guy before she got to that stage of drunkness. That's easy to find out, she can fuck off based on that opposed to whether it was rape or not. If she hadn't done anything with the guy before getting that wasted then it was certainly rape. Either way there would be witnesses to her behaviour earlier on.

I don't disagree with anything else you say, breakups hurt, I'm not contesting that at all. You realise that being afraid of losing someone is ridiculous when you realise that losing them is the right thing to happen under any circumstances, other than bereavement. Sure, it hurts, but it's a good thing.