Girlfriend fucking with my head
 

Cant think of a profound eyecatching title so, fuck it.

I now have a girlfriend and she is seriously fucking with my head. I remember watching a vid with lovedrop, who was saying, girls are looking for a guy with all the girls and not someone who its really important to them that they have you as their girlfriend.

Pickup got me this girl, smile on my face , high energy. But now i cant get her out of my head. Shes become way too important to me and im afraid this side of me will lose her. Jealousy, obsession, i like this girl alot! But i gotta get her out of my head. If i dont im not gonna be the fun, cool energy guy. Im gonna be the psycho obsessed guy.

Anyone else have these problems?

in a word, no

People put all sorts of shite in videos. But I think you mean "don't come across as needy". I'd second that.

But as for video man not stating that "[girls do not want] someone who its really important to them that they have you as their girlfriend"", well that's bullshit. If this girl is awesome and genuine GF material then treat her in an awesome way, and that respect and trust you may well get back.

- However, sounds like you don't trust her

- .....does she ever behave in a way which may make u not trust her?

- .....or is it all you?

Or, what could SHE do regularly to put your mind more at rest?

Rebus

Don't idealise her. Trust me, she is FAR from perfect! Women are NOT that special. They have MANY faults. Once you get that into your head, you will have much more power in your relationships.

I used to be like you, then one day it just clicked. It would take much more than a woman to break me! The fact that I don't fall in love easily at all drives them crazy too. If I am in a LTR my gf will be bending over backwards to try and win my heart.

I don't mean be an ice man, by the way. I just mean, feed her little bits of your heart at a time as rewards for her good behaviour. Don't just give her the whole damn thing on a plate.

I dont know mate she says shes crazy about me i mean theres not alot she could do to make me feel more at ease. Infact the more serious this gets the more uneasy i feel. I feel its just a natural jealous rection because my feelings are getting stronger for her, im becoming more protective.

As for does she ever behave in a way that makes me not trust her? Maybe, we were at this house party the other day and the way she was looking at and interacting with this guy was making me super jealous. I had to leave the room to get my head together.

I used to be jealous with my ex. She had a few orbiters and that pissed me off. This guy tried to kiss her at a party in front of me too and I sparked him out, bringing the party to a standstill.

She never loved me any less for it though. A little bit of jealousy is a healthy thing; it shows that you care. Too much of it, however, is dangerous. It's the number one reason murders are committed.

Men are jealous because we want to be sure that the baby is ours. Women are jealous because they don't want us to run off and feather other nests. It's a natural instinct that is there for a very good reason. Just don't let it get out of hand.

If she loves you and you love her then this could be the beginning of a very beautiful thing. Just try to relax.

Midas, im trying mate.

OK, so there's something where it could be -- you have the wrong impression of her, her behaviour could be totally innocent and you really are whack and don't get it, or her behaviour was inappropriate and unintentional, or (worst!) her behaviour was inappropriate and intentional

so guess what... talk to her

but this comes with the warning that... don't open your heart up and go crazy, just keep it simple to be constrained on focussing on understanding each other, discuss the party thing with her. A single specific thing to talk about; she can generalise if she wants to. Best not to freak her out by turning several specific things and vague feelings into a general "I don't trust you" statement as that's way too dangerous. Mark of a paranoid!

PS -- paranoia will destroy ya. Paranoia is increased by lack of sleep. Get more sleep.

I highly recommend disc five of RSD The Blueprint decoded which explains what love is and how it can be controlled. The whole course is fantastic, but this is especially specific to your situation right now. Check your PM.

Right, great advice. I can't seem to bring myself to bring up that party situation without sounding needy, jealous and insecure. Are you saying its ok to be jealous? And to show that jealousy? I've always thought it was a bad thing to be jealous; you should always be the laid back, chilled, no big deal guy.

Cheers for the link midas but i cant download it cuz im shit at torrents

If only I knew this when I was younger :D

I'm not a jealous person. But my ex at the start of our relationship used to send me FUCKING loopy in a fit of jealous rage! But... it was the best lesson I ever learned!

A couple of times I caught her fucking around with guys. She was always drunk when she did it but it didn't matter... she definitely fueled the feel.

One night, she went out with her mates. Got blazing drunk and called me about 1 in the morning. She couldn't even speak but I worked out she was in a car with 3 other guys. I couldn't get any sense out of her as to where she was and I could here the guy in the background saying "Don't worry love, you can come back to ours...". At which point her phone when dead.

You can imagine the rage I went into! I phoned her 83 times that night... trawled the streets to find her and even woke her parents up at stupid-o-clock in the morning.

Jealously, Paranoia and sheer anxiety over her safety gripped me hard. Probably the worst night of my life.

Finally at 10.30 then next morning I get a call from her:

MB: Where are you?
Her: Errrhh not sure...
MB: Are you safe?
Her: Yeah...
MB: I'm coming to pick you up, find out where you are?
Her: erhhh... hold on, I'll call you back...
MB: (GRRRRR!!!)

She called me back and said she didn't want me to pick her up from the house, but a near by park... so I went... waited... and saw her about 10 minutes after doing the walk of shame towards me.

MB: (Hugged her) God! Are you alright?
Her: Yeah... i'm fine.
MB: Good... cos your dumped!

Took her in the car and dropped her off at her house with all her things and said for her to never call me again.

The point is, that on that day, I realised that it didn't really matter... I can get jealous, raged, paranoid, whatever... if she's going to do it, then she'll do it and you'll never know. And in fact, being all those things will only push her away from you and she'll be more likely to cheat cos she'll have a jealous boyfriend and all her mates will probably convince her that "he's (you) an asshole and that guy over there if cute... plus we're never going to tell him"

Just take solice in the fact that if she does do it. Fine. There'll be some other girl out there that respects and values your love. And that (usually) the guilt of cheating will crush her (in 90% of the case) and she'll suffer for it.

Don't lower yourself down the a jealous level. Rise above it. Be fun, be happy, promote she should speak to other guys. But offer her a warning that if she does cheat, it will only be her that suffers; either by you splitting up from her or her trying to keep it a secret and having to watch her back.

They say that you should not be jealous, but if you are hiding your feelings then you are not really being yourself are you? I think it's okay to be a bit jealous as long as it doesn't get out of hand.

Most jealousy comes from insecurity. So by becoming more secure your jealousy will dwindle. It's an inner game issue.

Poor old Granddad
I laughed at all his words
I thought he was a bitter man
He spoke of women's ways
They trap you, then they use you
Before you even know
For love is blind and you're far too kind
Don't ever let it show
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger.
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger.
The Can Can's such a pretty show
They'll steal your heart away
But backstage, back on earth again
The dressing rooms are grey
They come on strong and it ain't too long
Before they make you feel a man
But love is blind and you soon will find
You're just a boy again
When you want her lips, you get a cheek
Makes you wonder where you are
If you want some more and she's fast asleep
Then she's twinkling with the stars.
Poor young grandson, there's nothing I can say
You'll have to learn, just like me
And that's the hardest way
Ooh la la
Ooh la la laa yeah
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger.
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=769Oueux4nI

It sounds like you are blaming yourself for your exe's shitty behaviour. Don't. You just reacted as most men would. You had every right to be angry. You did right to dump the bitch.

Jealousy is genetic. The man wants to be sure that the baby is his and the woman wants to be sure that the man does not wander off to feather other nests.

If you ever have a relationship with someone who is not jealous at all you will see that it is actually quite irritating; it's like they don't give a fuck. In fact if you are never jealous, you can let your guard down too much!

Everything in moderation though. Too much of it can drive you crazy. It's the number one motive for murder.

spot on by all posters... nothing to comment from here..

god i love this community

Hmmm... no... there's more a back story to it. But this part of the story is most relevant. I don't blame myself but...

Completely disagree. 1) I was called the Golden boy as I grew up. 2) Not sure you can blame it on genetics.

For me it was a more of a lacking of maturity / life experience. When you love someone, you can easily lose sight of the bigger picture. You hold them so close to you that can't even comprehend their complicated mass of self issues / learned social interactions / emotionally fueled frenzies! On top of that, the drink induced 'English' applied to the equation.

Ultimately, respect yourself and respect others... then breathe.

Insecurity that stems in your belief that there's no need to be insecure (in your relationship - or yourself!). And that ultimately... you'll always be alright.

Nothing more I can add really, just be cool and chill. Abit of jealousy can be healthy but don't let this spill over into insecurity, neediness and conspiracy theories against you, people (women particularly) can smell this a mile off in a person and it's incredibly unattractive.

One thing I will add is I don't get this bull-shit bravado when guys go on about 'Oh I can't let a girl get into my head' as if should this occur it will destroy every ounce of your very being...get a grip.

Jamm when you said you had to leave the room during a particular moment of experiencing jealousy, to me that sounded rather extreme in that the pressure was too much to bear. Perhaps you have some unresolved mental issues that you need to delve into and face up to and if necessary take action to resolve.

As Kowalski I think it was that once said 'Pua can seriously fuck you up'. It is certainly not the best course of treatment for curing the ills of many a man.

Hahaha unresolved mental issues, aye id probably go with that. Cheers for the input gents much appreciated!