My Girlfriend and her friend Anxiety
 

Hi Guys!

Wow its been a while...in fact its been about a year since I was on here last...hope you are all doing well out there!

I met and fell for this girl and weve been going out for a year. All moved pretty quick and now we are living together. Life is good. (Not great..but good)

So she suffers from Anxiety alot. Its never been a problem before as im pretty chilled about stuff, however he job has taken a lot out of her recently to the point shes been signed off by the doctors for 4 freaking weeks for stress!

Thus the anxiety has become a big thing now, naturally I get into doing research to understand deeper and ended up actually using a little Game to handle situations.

Just a quick post to anyone out there thats either been with someone that suffers bad OR who suffers themselves...what did you go through/still going through and how did you overcome it?

Cuffs

This is a pre-existing condition not caused by factors relating to your relationship. Therefore, it is her problem which she should have sorted out before getting into the relationship and is not covered under the policy of your relationship. You're her boyfriend not her therapist. Don't cross that line. Don't try to help at all, don't adapt your behaviour to it in any way and don't even read about her 'condition'.

You give away your true feelings about this in your post - disappointment and incredulity. That is how you should be speaking to her about this. Lying to her is not helping anyone.

I'd be looking at all this as warning signs. I'd speak to her about my personal goals and about my expectations for a relationship in a non-manipulative manner, then I'd prepare myself to end the relationship.


Peace,

kowalski

Kowalski thanks for your thoughts, the good thing is at no point have I toyed with the idea of leaving. We sat down last night and went through bits online of the typical symptoms and effects they can have on partners and highlighted what each of us feel about them and if they are actually occurring in our relationship.

I agree...honesty is definitely best. My goal is to combat this and get to a point where I personally can understand it and move the relationship to a higher level of happiness.

You're also right about not helping her, a man's natural instinct is to "Fix things" etc and I admit the first thing i wanted to do was to fix it all. However I do want to learn more about it and how to help her cope better instead, which I dont see as a weakness on my part, but gaining empathy.

Cufs

You not considering leaving is not "the good thing". You said "I agree" but you didn't agree. In fact in all the words you wrote just now there is not one good thing nor any agreement. It was really weird of you to reply like that. It's not a game of linguistic acrobatics, you tit.

I'm gonna start sewing a special hat right now to wear for the big day of "I told you so" coming soon!


Peace,

kowalski

Ok i think youve missed the point of this post Kowalski...I wasnt looking for a solution, and by the way your solution of "I'd be looking at all this as warning signs. I'd speak to her about my personal goals and about my expectations for a relationship in a non-manipulative manner, then I'd prepare myself to end the relationship" Doesnt help anyone.

If you read my first post I ended it with asking if anyone has dealt with someone with anxiety or is dealing with the Mental Health issue themselves. The fact that youve basically turned round and said its her problem not yours means that 1. youve not had anxiety or been with someone suffering with it. And 2. you are a typical Beta male acting as an alpha male that doesnt care about anyone but themselves.

This started as a reasonable discussion that I wanted to address to the public and get thoughts and advice, ideally from people who have experience in the matter. Unless you have something to enlighten us about the topic in hand please accept this post isnt for you.

Cuffs

Oh no! Did the bad man make you a disagree, Little Miss Tiny Tears.

Define how what I wrote "doesn't help anyone".
Demonstrate how stating that it's her problem means that I've both never had anxiety and have never been with someone suffering with it and that I'm a beta acting as an alpha and that betas only care about themselves whereas alphas care about others.

Please include links to relevant scientific research where appropriate.

OGTFO.


Peace,

kowalski

Dude, kowalski is right. Don't change what you're doing, be a constant

You can't change her anxiety with cheap pick-up routines and tricks. Don't pander to her anxiety but also don't be an arsehole.
Just be patient but keep doing the normal shit.

While certain things can be done to help, anxiety disorders are mostly temperamental/genetic, for example some people have a high reactive amygdala/high in trait neuroticism.

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My friend is 23 already and he still doesnt have a girlfriend. He also has no experience of hanging out with a girl as couple before.... Wondering how to help him...