Problems/dangers of fickleness.
 

I had an interesting discussion, and there was some general agreement about the following point.

I can't be specific and say that what I am about to write is concerned with only women, only men, all humans, a mixture of the two sexes, or just some. I just do not have the experience to say. But of my experience, and those others discussing it, I will relate it to women, and I am sure it is not all women, but I do not even know the percentage it applies to, and after all I could be completely wrong, even.

But it is this, and I write it as not only of interest but also of a warning which men would do well to bear in mind.

Say you meet a woman, friendly to you, flirty, etc, and you feel you can relax with her, so you communicate with her unguarded as you deem her to be ok.

So you carry on like this and all is going well, then suddenly the wind changes. You do not see why this should be. All is and was going well, you were getting on really well. But what has happened is either a) she has changed her mind, suddenly doing an about turn, or b) she hasn't changed her mind, she was just not being honest with you about her true feelings. Eitherway, it is a sudden about turn, she can't stand you, you make her skin crawl, you are a pest and even threatening and scary. Of course you have no idea at all this is the new situation.

Maybe she has just 'gone off on one'. Whatever, she finds herself in a very awkward situation because having led you on and then just changed for 'no reason' she feels bad about it. She just wants to get rid of you but knows that it isn't your fault, so she feels bad, she can even feel ashamed and embarrassed, and this shame and embarrassment is so hurtful and uncomfortable to her that she needs to save herself, she needs to find a reason to make you and everything go away to never bother her again so that she can bury it and carry on. Though she can't tell you straight, she needs to blame you, needs to justify herself, she needs 'ammo', and may loll you along until something turns up she can take out of context so as to shine a very different light upon it.

At this point you are in dangerous territory, and you still have no idea of your peril because you do not know the true state of things.

In desperate need of a reason for you to be the one to blame, some reason will be found or concocted. You text her, thinking all is alright (incident one, noted and logged), you phone her (incident two, noted and logged), the love letter you sent her with a bit of poetry becomes a stalking menace (incident three, noted and logged).

Next thing you know you have got someone duffing you up, or even a cop on your doorstep, re an allegation, or your text are all gathered and read, and your internet activity, etc, etc, though you may perhaps never know about it, yet a record you naturally have to have because of it.

If it was cops, they would know the score, and soon see you are ok, and strongly suspect that they have been used to satisfy a need she has to ensure a total end to it, and to pass the blame from herself for having been hurtful to you for having led you on and then suddenly changed.

Be careful is all I am saying. Remember that how it is, esp at the beginning, may very well not actually be how it is or will be, so don't let your guard down, have a mind for anything which could be twisted and used. Some would throw you to the wolves just to save their own feelings of shame and low self-esteem.

This definitely just happened to you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.........no, no, no..........it happened to my, er..... friend! Yes, a friend on mine, and, and....and I just thought it was interesting and would write about it......no, no, no, no......ha, ha, ha. You really are very funny. Ho, ho, ho.

Full screen essential: https://youtu.be/__-cI_oM_lM

I've a lot of stuff I'd like to say on this thread, a little at a time, as there is no rush.

It is to do with my study of people.

Part is this is PROJECTION. A person may project onto the world an image of themselves, intentionally, as they would like to, or hope to, be seen and thought of. Or they may wish to project an 'image' upon a person or thing. I am concerned with when a person projects upon a person.

Also, should you wish to read up before i submit my theory, look up 'confirmation bias'. This is sooooo important. Also stupidity. I will go on to try and use these phenomena to explain a helluva lot. I wish to explain the subject of 'people'.

I was once in hospital, and this is how it is. I'm ok now. What a relief to get out and back to normal. https://youtu.be/RxMEUqHPqcA

Just whilst I am thinking, as it has been on my mind a while, I notice that on this forum, as on many other forums, that it tends to be just literate people who post: people who can spell, can use words to express themselves, who can construct sentences and paragraphs.

There must be people out there, perhaps people reading this and other posts who would like to post but feel embarrassed because it would show that they do not have the skills of literacy.

Well, don't be put off by that, Firstly it is not your fault, indeed more the hero you for having survived and endured with such a life handicap. and i think I can speak for everyone on this site when I say that I/they would not be concerned. They would understand and be pleased you posted, and know that you would soon pick it up, this writing lark.

To help, well there is spelling and the use of the correct words for what you mean, and also the worry about misuse of grammar (the question marks, the commas, etc, but don't worry, your meaning will get through. But more of help is the construction of sentences, and in particular, clauses. CLAUSES. I think they are the most important think in writing. If you can notice in my writing, I use clauses. When you read my writing you probably find it pleasing to read, that it has a pleasant rhythm, that it has a fluidity. Well this is down, mainly, to clauses. That is a good example of a clause in my writing, when I just wrote 'mainly', can you notice that it was separated from the rest of the sentence by commas, and in so doing i created a clause. I was saying that it is nearly always the case but not always the case, so I had to put in that it was 'mainly', I just cut into my sentence with this in order to make my communication correct to how I feel that the most important aspect of writing is clauses. If you go back and read that sentence without the commas it makes less sense than if I use the commas to ask the reader to pause slightly and note that I am saying it is only 'in the main'. Note how i just used those apostrophes to enclose and emphasize 'in the main'. You see as you read and write, just try and think about the sense you are making, or not, and you will find that punctuation is sooooo necessary to make sense. After a while you will get the hang of it.

So post. Folks on here are not dummies. You are in safe hands. They are not out to destroy you, squash you, they are far too wised up to be so low. You wouldn't be marked up for being poor at writing (learning to write), though you'd still get told if you was a knob, I suppose. I get this said to me, but i couldn't give a crap.

So get posting. Start reading and writing with a mind to just what sense exactly the words are making, and then you will be on the right track.

No, Stein, it hasn't happened to me, not knowingly. If it had, and i knew, I think I would never use a phone again or go on the internet.

That said, i always write or text, etc, as though it is being secretly monitored, now or at some point. Not that I think I am special in any way, to be monitored, but the authorities would have to look and keep an eye on communication in general. They probably would rather not, but they are duty bound to manage society and protect us. I'd do it, I'd have to.

There will be people who are doing research, anthropology, or whatever, and even some who become stalkers, abusing their entitlement to snoop. Like, 'Hmmm, this Tat poster seems interesting, I'll just have a dig into his life'........really what they mean is that I make them laugh now and then and present ideas and things which stimulate them and alleviate their dull and lacking lives.....they just what more of it, so they stalk. This will certainly go on, not necessarily with me, but the more I write entertaining and individualistically, almost addictive to the reader, things, refreshing the parts that other beers don't reach, the more I make myself a target for such a stalker.......I can understand it, they are desperate, and they would feel that I am the antidote, that I have the missing pieces they need, which is probably true, but they are to be freely given, not stolen.

No, Stein, it has never happened, but I have used my brain to imagine what could happen, a series of events, when I consider how psychology can work.......guilt, a very powerful emotion.

Guilt. Wow. Powerful stuff. Thankfully, I conduct my life and affairs so as to be guilt free. I think a lot of people find themselves suffering the overwhelming burden of guilt because they just blindly stumbled into it. Then they desperately need to get themselves out of it.

I suppose guilt is strongly connected to the feeling of shame, which is equally powerful.

Shame can be the self knowledge, for example, that their self is stupid, that their self is in a state of stupidity. Naturally very disturbing, and such that it could force a person to behave in ways they could not imagine, ways which force them to resort to any measure to alleviate their plight....., measures which reality and fairness would not provide, so they resort to fantasy.....making believe that fantasy is reality.

Anyway, more later................................

I think that 'Ha Ha Said the Clown', and the 'Drop the Pressure' video are examples excellent film-making. It is that they work like as does a dream, where it can slip into the, metaphysical, if that is what metaphysical is. They use a sort of short hand to make the point. truly amazing. There are some really talented people around. They use metaphor and the subliminal language of art so fluently. You can tell that the maker is totally in control and knows exactly where they are going. And also the performers, too. Whether that is direction, I cannot know, but they seem so 'in tune' with the idea. If that is acting, their own latching on to the idea and interpreting it, then these people are equally genius.

Just watch it again, closely. https://youtu.be/__-cI_oM_lM It can't just be me, but I feel like I am that guy, that I have felt like that, that some super-fit woman was with some guy I never would have suspected, and it sort of makes me feel 'how little I know', how naive I am, how 'unadult' and immature I am, in the larger world.

Your a fucking idiot, and you should seek medical help.

Women are the least of your life worries.

Get More Girls

You are a dick. I'll tell you why that is so. It is because you are not prepared or able to discuss matters, such as those I am presenting. You give absolutely nothing in your posts, because you have nothing to say.

This is getting to the nub of it, why you are as you are, and why I am as I am. I will grant you that there is a mis-match, that one of us is nuts. It is you who is nuts. You don't know it, but you are. Don't get me wrong, you are normal, but that just means you are amongst the majority, the norm; it does not mean that such a consensus is correct.

We live in a world of mass media.....mass mind control, and you are brainwashed, you are programmed to the brim with ideology. You are automated. Your mind and body have essentially been hijacked.

Myself, on the other hand, understands some of this culture, and i choose to be a free-thinking individual, as much as i can.

I seem bizarre to you because it is so alien to your experience. Yet it strangely facinates you because you recognise somewhere that I have this great gift by way of demonstration. Well, Swords, start listening to that little voice inside you which has been crushed down and swamped. Kick that parasite out and re-discover yourself, your individuallity. This means not to always follow the crowd, this means to not be controlled by seeking the acceptance of the crowd.

Show some courage, show some original thought and individuality. Take baby steps. Be creative. Screw up, slip on banana skins. Listen to the Sex Pistols' 'Pretty Vacant'. https://youtu.be/KCGf3B_JSN4

Sorry. That last link to the sex pistols was wrong......[Edit: just checked it, it is right!].....The library I use sometimes doesn't do youtube. But it was basically just saying that you are better to accept that you are stupid, vacant, whatever, and do not let shame of that stop you proceeding and learning and mastering.

But I still want to write/chat about STUPIDITY, CONFIRMATION BIAS, AND PROJECTION, and I suppose for good measure I want to cover SELFISHNESS (narcissism), too.

It is a big lot to cover, but explains soooo much about that difficult subject of 'people'.

I have to say I have made my own personal study of this subject for about 8 years, and what I will go on to write is my findings.

But it is a large subject, so may take some time, but no need to rush, and i like to keep things light and fun, some twists and turns to keep us alive, etc, so I will post on as and when in dribs and drabs.

Where do i start? This really is going to have to be piecemeal, because it is a large subject which has to bring together four aspects. It's a slow slog, no other way, but bear with me, I do have something to say, but very piecemeal, and full of indulgences so that I don't get bored and give up.

STUPIDITY. What is stupidity? Well, we are all familiar with alcohol and this induces a state of stupidity, if the dose too great. It is really someone functioning without self-control or self awareness, without thought. See £20 quid, pick it up, no brainer. Stupidity is to be functioning, but just mechanically. No real thought. It is like sleepwalking, doing but not aware. A stupid person does not know they are stupid. The simple test is to ask a stupid person why they did or said something, and they do not know.............they tend to get angry at being forced to recognise their mental illness.

Hence, stupid people can 'sleepwalk' into situations thus created which are a 'bad/difficult place to be'.

Hope you like this music. If you don't then work/sitck with it. https://youtu.be/HA_PZs5rqJw

Sorry to be harsh with you. Swords.

Hope you get my understanding of stupidity, that it is an unthinking (not their own thinking, though they don't know that) functioning of a person. People bandy stupidity about a lot, and its meaning has been lost in that. I have asked people to define it, and they cannot. But think of functioning whilst drunk and that is what it is, imo.

The next on the list is PROJECTION. This can be two ways. The first is when someone projects out an image onto the world which they want the world to notice and regard them as. It could be a bohemian hippy, or whatever.

The other way that people project, and this is the one we are concerned with here, is when people project a belief or idea about another person onto that person. so they just project, like a projected photographic image, the 'face' of a a villain upon you, and you are then seen and regarded by them as being a villain. They can project anything upon you, whatever they feel. This happens a real lot, especially if they are stupid, because they have been programmed to believe that A = B, which has to mean C.

My mate said it once, that people believe what they want to believe.

Why do people project? This is because it does in some way make things easier for them, make it all add up for them. It make them get what THEY want, ie what their SELF wants, so if they are stupid and selfish, then it becomes potent.

Of course, this Projection upon you is false, so it will not stand up to scrutiny, hence you will never be told how you are being regarded, how you are being measured. Even if you ask, it will be denied because it is flaky, full of holes, and the logic of scrutiny and questions and answers would lead to them being shown as nuts and stupid, so they are not going to let you know.

So you can see how things can become very difficult for you, and there is nothing you can do about it. But you say, if I behave correctly, surely no one could be able to belive that about me. Hmmmm, well this is where CONFIRMATION BIAS comes into play.

But enough for now, got to check prices for a silent generator.

I include this tune in the case that you like trance/techno music, and this seems a good link to some very good taste https://youtu.be/DixeHGmVMFU

Continue with the 'Trance Throwback Machine' links as seems good taste.

Get More Girls

CONFIRMATION BIAS. This is how a person can be when they are regarding another person. It could be another culture, or nation, or whatever, but in this case we are interested in when it is a person regarding another person.

The general idea is that they have a bias, and they wish to only confirm this to themselves, and the way they do this is to see only what they want to see. So if they wanted to see someone as a loser they will only notice their failures but not their successes,

The reason why they do this is because they find it difficult to be wrong, or maybe they are selfish and so in order to get what they want which they would otherwise not be entitled to they alter reality to fit them that they can get and serve their selfish needs. It could be other reason, like avoiding an obligation, or avoiding guilt, etc.

It is a bit like PROJECTION, it is altering reality to suit their self. These people are going to be awkward characters, very unreasonable, trying anything to have their way, going to any lengths, makebelieving fantasy is reality, etc. They would lie and cheat, and even believe it. They will twist anything to get what suits them and avoid what doesn't suit them.

It is a problem with them, they are maldeveloped. If you get involved with such a character you can have all kinds of problems. They can be very clever, they can seem normal, sane, etc. They can be believed, which is potentially very dangerous.

SELFISHNESS (narcissism). Selfishness is something we all do, of course, and projection and confirmational bias, and we can be stupid, even if we are not prone to being stupid. These are all human traits, and are healthy, but only healthy when to a certain point, for it is unhealthy when these become abusive and harmful.

It always amazes me that in the workplace or in general society, there are checks and balances, courts, police, solicitors, watchdog bodies, employment law, the law, the endless debate of those whom form the law. But in the family, or personal relationships it has none of this as it is usually never heard or seen, yet clearly these are the same people , humans, who are subjected to the Law in general society, so clearly they get up to the same things in family and personal relationships. So family and personal relationships are naturally going to be a very difficult, to say the least, place to have to deal with.

Selfishness, well it is fairly obvious what it is, but as i have thought about it i have found that it is quite a wide field, and sometimes very subtle. There are things like someone wishing to protect themselves from the awful burden of guilt, say, and in doing this they can go to extreme lengths of selfishness, putting themselves first at whatever cost to anyone else. They just what to get whatever it is they want, their own way, whether it is fair or unfair, moral or immoral, and at any price to anyone else.

Ideally they could just write a script and the whole world would act it out for them, so they could do whatever they wanted, have things perfect to suit their self. But they cannot write such a script, so they use whatever they can use, so they will attempt to manipluate, control, and this can involve emotional blackmail, or lies, or smears, or whatever.

Naturally it is better for such a person to use stealth, to be unseen, unsuspected, unexpected..so they have to keep a 'face' which the world will not notice their real agenda.

Involvement with such a person can be devastating, totally draining. It can be extreme and prolonged bullying, totally upsetting and draining. And the victim is not able to see what is going on, so they just have to keep taking it.

I believe that these people have mal-developed personalities. They are fixated in a stage of infantile development where most of us all left that stuff behind as we got empathy, etc. But they still have infantile traits, and they think that the reason why nobody else does what they do is because everyone is stupid and not clever like them. The truth is that they are mentally ill, but they don't see it that way.

I believe that a person's sexuality, their state of sexual confidence, their comfortablness with sex, is at the very heart of a human's being. Damage to this sense of sex is therefore potentially devastating, and so naturally a person will try to protect their self very much if this seems threatened, so they will be very selfish and go to extreme lengths.

Just to ask a person if they would like to go on a date is a sexual thing, and if that person does not ask well, or if the person asked does not handle the question well, then damage to the sexual self will occur and affect.

This is why it has to be recognized that 'gaming' is not really a game, or if it is then it is a serious game. To protect themselves regarding a perceived assult upon the sexual self they may go into wild imaginations and then believe them imaginations, say, to put the blame away from them. They are in a difficult position and will have to go to great lengths more than anything else because it is sexual. So, fickleness, if someone wishing to protect themselves and pass the blame is able to suddenly 'switch their direction and you not know, then it can be made to look as though you are being out of order. For obvious instance, someone might leave out the fact that they asked you out, and so it makes it look like you are pestering them when you text and call, etc.

I know I am not breaking any new ground here at all; I'm just chatting about it, We live in an age with its own times. It seems to be a time when women are being empowered, which is good, but it may not be done perfectly. It just feels, to me, that the law is unfair, that there is a kind of 'men-bashing' going on. I could be wrong about this, but, for instance, I read in a law text book I happened to come across and thumbed through it, that stalking as a crime now needs only two incidents! and these merely being that a woman merely has to say that she saw you and felt scared. The bar seems set so low that it is impossible for a possible stalking crime not to have taken place, which on investigation would in all typical cases come to nothing, but would give the grounds for investigation, and for you never to know about this, that there could never be the grounds for you to complain that a false allegation has been made. A woman merely has to point a finger and there is no come back. It stinks, to my mind. It is like a witch hunt, to terrorize men into some kind of line, maybe as some kind of way to re-dress the balance between women and men, I don't know. Yet maybe this is the wrong way, maybe it is bad for women and good for men, but bad for equality. All I know is that being a man is not an easy option. It is like with respect, it has to be earned and deserved. To women, welcome to the man's world, if that is what it is. Bust your knuckles when changing the wheel at night on a wet road with jacks that don't work, where you have to use stones from a wall to get the thing off the ground. Men's skin is not made of iron. We are not that different. Our eyes sting from old oil in them, and hurt when rust gets in them. A lot of what a man does is because he has to. It just doesn't seem like heading for equality to me. Women are being empowered, but it is not in a way which wins respect, I feel, not when a woman can make accusations, can tell tales, is listened to, where you are the man and in the wrong because of that, or so it seems. But we are where we are, so be careful. The old adage comes to mind, 'Never tell all you know, lest your friend becomes your foe'.

Of course the internet is spied on, is studied, and files constructed on people and groups, it seems only natural. People should be very careful, and maybe always throw in some red herring searches, for instance, so no real sense can be correctly constructed, done cleverly, making patterns, just so that you have a privacy of a sort, as you may then be monitored but it means nothing, just inaccurate confusion. I don't know, I'm not an authority, it's just my opinion.

As for myself, when all is considered regarding people and their problematic ways, well I have lower expectations in general. It makes me so that I trust in myself, that I conduct myself properly, then I can hold my head up, so to speak. But it is more than this. I conduct myself well in order that I can keep a true and steady inner compass, and can follow this, making life better and less problematic. I try to keep it real, to face whatever it is that needs to be faced. To be able to admit when others are right and I am wrong, to apologize if it is right to do so. To try and be fair, just and wise. And I enjoy this.


The End.


Note: That music video with the clown, where this guy can't pull that bird. Well this is an illustration of how a person's idealized sexual self was threatened, and that is why it affected him so much. I think it is a great idea, because I feel it very much sometimes, like even when I see a beautiful woman, a really beautiful woman go past me, fleetingly, and i know I will never be able to be close to her, such are the circumstances. It is gutting, and can stay with me for weeks. She fancied that comedian guy over him, she regarded him as a stupid boy, and he felt like a stupid boy, and it actually really disturbed him psychologically. This is why I think it was something which had a song written, as it was really very much more powerful to the songwriter, so wrote a song to sort of do some therapy. Clearly they were very affected. Look at it again in this psychological way. https://youtu.be/__-cI_oM_lM (full screen essential).