Feeling lost
 

Alright men, just feeling a bit lost here with my life the past week or so and thought I might get some use full advice here.

Basically my Girlfriend has been having doubts about her feeling for me. This was after an incident just before Christmas. It's been a bit rocky since then, some days feeling like friction, other days feeling like we're on the right track. We where together 3 years, split up for a year then got back last year. She is a dancer/dance teacher. Last year she moved to Turkey for 5 months and we stayed together through it. We had talked about possibly moving in together thus year. And when she came back she said she wouldn't go abroad again because she wants to stay with her family and me.

However things got a bit rocky and she has been mentioning going abroad to dance again and saying she 'doesn't know what she wants'. On the weekend and we spoke about are feelings and stuff, things seemed back on track. Then she went to see one of her friends (a girl who has recently broken up from her long time bf) and after that things went really cold with her. I had mentioned maybe time a part on the weekend, and she decided after seeing her friend that's what we should do. So I hadn't spoke to her or seen her all weekend until yesterday when we randomly passed driving. So I texted her n it seemed ok. But on Friday she now has an Audition for a dance job in Greece. I asked her if she wanted to go abroad or stay here in the summer and she says she 'doesn't know'.

It's made me realise I want to stay with her, and want to move out. But I have a shit job and little qualifications, so realistically I need to work out a way to get more money. Just feeling lost in the relationship and generally about my future.

I don't know you or your girlfriend. But the impression I got after reading your post is that she wants to move away but at the same time wants you as a back up. I know you said that you want to be with her, but that is irrelevant if she doesn't want to be with you. I would say tell her what you feel like and get away from whole situation.

Erm what K said!

Why not travel to Greece with her? If things go tits up, you're somewhere sunny and can travel around a little more. Travel is great for broadening the mind... that's if you stay together

If not decide what you want to do and make it happen - no excuses. Get an apprenticeship or go to university. Move to another country. Make something of your life.
No money or qualifications will always be there as an excuse to stop you.

Long distance when one or more of you feel conflicted is generally bad idea. In my opinion moving out to be with her would be a bad idea too. I had an American girl move over here to be with me when things were rocky and it turned out shit.

Also I may have got the wrong impression here, but first you suggested some time apart and then only decided you wanted to be with her when you realised there was a possibility she might be moving away. That's probably worth reflecting on.

Cheers, some helpful feedback. I doubt I would move away with her if she got a job abroad. For one reason, I have my own life and wouldn't want to feel like I was just following whatever she did.

We haven't seen each other for over a week now, I've arranged to meet her Saturday so I can talk to her. Part of me feels like she just wants me to tell her not to go. She said the other week she thought it was weird I wasn't upset by her potential going away again because I was just like 'do whatever makes you happy' (obviously I would rather her stay, but I meant what I said). Maybe she wants me to tell her what to do because she keeps telling me she 'doesn't know what she wants' and to offer her some security/stability to show I'm serious about having a future with her. But trying to think what women are thinking is a slippery slope ha. So I will just tell her how I feel and what I think on Saturday then see what happens.

Just in case those of you who replied to this were wondering what happened. It's over between me and I suppose now my ex. Cheers for the advice though. Guess I'll be posting on here a lot more from now on haha :P

The problem is girls every now and then get bored. u will see it on Facebook. every girl every few years post

'Need Change' or 'Need Adventure'

TV shows like sex & the city, the kardashians create this idea that live is full of it...

The best way to deal with this is just be a man about it and say "look, if u don't want us to be together I'm gonna make the first move"... then just go. Put space between u.

i guess now its done tho.

Yeah, I'm taking it pretty bad though now tbh. One reason is due to my mates, it's not there fault they just have there own lives and can't really be there for me.

I'm usually confident but I'm feeling really down n lonely at the moment. Shit because we had time apart for a week and I hadn't drank for a few weeks to get my head together (I knew I wasn't being myself and it was effecting the relationship so wanted to clear my head)

In this time I realised it's time for me to get serious and move in with her, or just generally take are relationship to the next step.

But she used this tome to see friends (who have recently also become single) and go out with work mates. (she's only had the job about 3-4 months so hasn't really done that yet) And porbably the main issue in the relationship is we started spending too much time togther. She would always come out with me n my mates n never see any of hers.

So I feel the time apart we had just made her think she wasn't having fun with me. Don't think she realises we could be together and she could see her mates, as normal people do.

We've not texted since Sunday night now. She's away with her mum this weekend n I'm a bit frustrated with what to do. I feel she misses me but has lost attraction due to just spending time and getting really comfortable together.

Here comes the burn.

I remember a girl called kitsty and I was in bits over her....

Then I remember a girl called Hannah... I was in bits over her...

Then a girl called Jemma, I was in bits over her

Now I could happily watch them get shagged by purple Aki and I wouldn't be the least bit bothered. I'd probs do a wank.

Time makes absolutely everything go away

*googles purple Aki*

Ok so the plot has thickened, went to see my ex on Monday for the old swapping of each others stuff. Ended up hanging out with her for few hours and having a talk about things.

Turns out she didn't split up with me because she want's to go away, it was because of 'the incident' I mentioned at the start that happened around Christmas. Which as basic as I can put it: We went to Manchester Christmas market to see one of her best mates, I got too drunk and ended up fighting. Was just with a random guy who was kicking off on his gf, but his gf ended up hitting my ex's mate n shit. All a major fuck up.

So I felt guilty and ashamed as fuck after this n it affected me pretty bad. And obviously me hating myself and not feeling myself wasn't very attractive and it eventually crumbled the relationship.

So what now? I feel she still has feelings for me but is conflicted because she's made the decision to finish it, but may be for the wrong reasons. She text me after we saw each other saying we need to let go, and she was upset. I carried on texting her that night n she basically said she doesn't know how to feel about me. And the last text was about potentially meeting up on Sat (Valentines day, so yeah not ideal) I've got a restaurant booked for us. I felt the text where going a bit more positively from her saying we should let go to her last text was 'I'll have to think about it' (regarding meeting up)

Thursday now and haven't heard anything.

Side Note: I never promised to her that me fighting would never happen again. But feel maybe I should.
I also told her knowing that the reason we split was because I wasn't acting like myself meant I though it was worth fighting for, and I wanted to hang out so it was just me being me, not the negative mind frame that messed things up.

Mold - I once had a mate there, visited and went out on the lash.
Not much to add on time - greatest healer there is. Some will tell you go out and shag 10 more which may be temporary respite, but you'll still feel crap.

On your mates don't be too hard on them. I was feeling a bit like that recently but as you said they got their own crap, plus they may not have been through your exact situation.
My take on it is that if no one is around then either get out and meet more people (not women necessarily) or be stoic, learn to love tough times, tell yourself it's a gift, it's making you even more self sufficient. Don't chase people, don't try and make them feel guilty- they'll come back of their own accord.
This may also help..

63 Steps to Survive The Worst Moments of Your Life

Cheers man, feeling a bit better about it know. It's like my mind is just fluid at the moment changing how I feel n my perception on things from day to day. Tbh my mates have been going out with me a lot, I've not had a night out in Mold for a couple of weeks now.

Ended up randomly meeting some bird in Chester last weekend, she invited me back to a house party. Then on Friday I nailed her. It may just be a distraction but it's making me feel alright for now. And the beauty of it is she moves away in 4 weeks (the bird I met) so it's like no strings attached. It will prob mess with my head a bit when I inevitably bump into my ex but I feel I've had a sort of semi awakening. Like to just live in the moment. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't happened yet. So I'm just trying to enjoy now.

Oh I never mentioned. Tried one last attempt to get her back Valentines day, Didn't work at all. The relationship is dead. But at least I know now and can start to move on.