A new way of thinking
 

Bonjourno friends; this post is in light of my little revelation(This has all been said I'm sure but I'm gonna say it anyway!). I can imagine there are a lot of guys like me who have little AA with people they are not attracted to but fucking shit loads when they want to approach someone they really like. Well, an incident last night made me wonder why I am intimidated - I was happily working in the bottle bar, talking to some dudes while in the corner of my eye I saw this real hot girl, she looked over then BAM! she slipped over and landed straight on her ass in front of everyone in the club. We all felt her shame. But, then some dude helped her up and immediately she started hugging him and after a small convo walked off together.

This got me thinking and I decided that, and of course the conclusion is obvious, but no girl is perfect, they all have insecurities, fears, suppressed desires. Even the hottest girl in the room wears makeup because she is conscious of how others view her, sure she gets a confidence boost from all the guys trying it on but she is only human after all and she knows she isn't perfect. I spoke to some ex-model once and after 10 minutes or so of talking I could clearly see she was SO insecure - she knew everyone judged her on her looks and not her personality.

So, I propose, next time you see a girl you're really attracted to, look at her like this; Think about why she's wearing makeup, why she isn't dating Brad Pitt, why she isn't shopping at Harrods, why she isn't everything she wants to be(How many girls have you heard say they want "to be rich and famous and live in a big house" or be a vet or whatever etc.). Chances are she's just like everyone else, she was just blessed with good looks which will eventually disappear. Of course girls like looking good but very few girls think they're looks are their best quality, or what they want to be initially judged on. Hot girls will be used to guys Ogling them and although it probably carries some self-esteem boost it also must piss them off because they have done nothing to win these guys over, they simply only care about her looks. So next time you see that hot girl waiting at the bar, talk to her! Get to know her, she's no better than you, no more deserving of respect and she probably needs you more than you need her. You are an exception and you are a rare delicacy and she wants you!

This is the same thing that everyone in this community keeps telling each other to help with their AA.
Most of the time we just read this kind of thing take it on board but when the time comes to approach the hot girl then it all goes out of the window and the argument in our head starts.
Sometimes it just needs that epiphany or revelation for all of the previous ramblings to become a realisation and for you to suddenly get it!
Well done for achieving this and hope that this stays with you.

Until that time of realisation, it is just continued approach after approach after approach until those nasty little voices disappear or you are able to block them out and find yourself doing the approach before you've even started to think!

Very good point man, you're totally right, I've tried to desensitise myself to hot girls and I'm glad it hasnt worked

@Flake: Inspiring shit mate. I like!



I think the issue that Flake is highlighted is that many guys, myself included, will become very self conscious when approaching HB10 stunners, retreating into their head. This makes you look like a low value male. As Flake says, It shouldn't have to be this way!

Thanks Tw1sted. Its a bit off topic but I just watched this YouTube - Blind Kid uses Echolocation to "See" - Proper inspirational stuff

The thing is with women they know that men are mainly concerned with looks whereas women generally tend to look for more than that.

They'll be worrying about what you think of them and if your worrying about what they think of you then it's just going to be one big awkward mess.
When you are too in your head she might be thinking 'this guy is creepy why do I attract creepy guys' or 'he's not talking that much or showing much interest am I ugly or he's not into me'.

Whereas if you are just uber cool 'I don't care what you think' kind of person it's going to put her at ease too, she'll think 'a fun awesome comfortable guy is talking to me I must have some value'.

Thats true kowalski. It does ultimately come down to the guys confidence though I think guys need to get over the fear of negative judgement yet retain the excitment created by meeting an amazing woman. I think a lot of guys involved with pickup think they need to get to the point where they "don't care what a woman thinks" which is a really bad mindset.

Somehow a really attractive woman has a lot of power over a guy's confidence. If you meet an unnattractive girl or a man and you don't get along then there's not usually much of a confidence blow as you weren't looking for approval and it was them, and not you in the wrong. Yet with a hot girl there's the pickup mindset that "if I don't get her in my bed its because I made a mistake". And this mindset is useful for analytical improvement but there ARE cases when it simply won't work despite how perfect your game is and you may never know why.

The point is that there will always be circumstances where a really hot girl may not like you regardless of what you do. There are always natural antagonisms between people and girls do have certain 'preferences' [maybe she has a thing for rocker dudes, maybe a thing for tattoo'd ex-cons etc.]. Just because a girl looks good does not mean you will get on with each other and it does not mean her judgement is any more important than anyone elses. Pickup does promote this idea that you can pull ANY woman and indeed you probably can to a reasonable degree but there are some woman who will not like you being yourself and the only way to attract them is by being fake (and what's the point in that). We should have the perspective that we can pull any girl worth pulling and we can do that by being our true selves.

In conclusion I think we need to meet hot woman with excitement(I mean the possibilities are amazing) but also realise that there are plenty more interesting woman in the world that are equally as attractive and who you will get on better with. The outcome isn't really that important. Why should we care about rejection if the girl is not a great match for you, you've missed out some nookie but anything beyond that would have turned out badly anyway. Just have fun meeting new people - maybe you will find a girl that is really special but if not then the outcome isn't important, just have good time!

Sorry for the long post guys lol

Deffo! It's a different way of looking at the problem. If you feel good and confident about yourself then you will be independent of others opinions.

Nice summary

Just to add something to flakes comments, I'm not disagreeing just clarifying something so people don't take a negative perspective on somethings.

You don't want to go in there thinking "I'm not her type" you don't know that until you have approached her and even then you can change her mind with your awesomeness. Only till afterwards can you allow yourself to think that you weren't her type or your personalities didn't match.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

Frank Herbert - Dune
and also in the David Lynch film adaptation

Yeah man, I totally agree

Interesting discussion. For me AA isn't about physical fear response anymore (which I had to take a bootcamp to get blasted away ...), instead I keep rationalising myself out of it. Basically I have a limiting belief along the lines of "a 9/10 wont be interested in me". Now consciously I realise that this is just a socially programmed response but I just cant shift it.

Anyway on the subject of desensitisation, yes it would be self defeating. I mean you only have look at people who do "exciting" jobs to realise that - racing drivers, fighter pilots, high wire acrobats etc etc. In order to be competent they have to totally desensitise themselves to the visceral thrill of what they are doing. Yes of course they all love thier jobs and are challenged by them but they wouldnt get the thrill that you an I would from doing those things. What would be the point of having dozen super model girlfriends if being with them gives you less thrill than your last modest 6/7 gf ?.

Its a difficult balancing act, I guess you want to still be aroused by hot girls but not come across as approval seeking. At the moment I'm working on suppressing my instinct to qualify myself when I talking to a hot bird.

Sapphire I think the problem is where we place the importance in having a conversation with a hot girl. I mean when talking to a hot girl im constantly thinking the only desirable outcome is that she likes me after and I get another chance to talk to her. But when I'm talking to a girl I don't really fancy I'm just my normal self and I don't really care about the outcome, I just wanna have an enjoyable conversation and this gets me a much better reception(Ironically I'm quite good getting girls I'm not attracted to attracted to me [see my graph ])

I suppose a mindset you could try is go in there thinking 'this girls personality might not be my type' then going to talk to her is just going to find out, then you can think about whether you like her or not after you have found this out.