Newbie in need of help

[Sifly]

Hi all,

Thanks for having me on the forum.

Name Simon
Age 40
Location - London, but due to my family life I am unlikely to be sarge here as I won't be able to stay over anywhere. Luckily, thanks to a new job I sometimes travel and stay over in principal cities from time to time.
Occupation - Finance related.
PUA Experience - Newbie, but keen to learn!

Some more about me -
It's an old story, but I had little-no success with girls at school and throughout college and uni - although I was with a girl for a couple of years before we split in my early twenties. I had a dry spell of a couple of years after that and within three months of meeting my second serious girlfriend, she got pregnant. She didn't want to terminate, and I was unsure. She held the cards though and we had our daughter (who's now a young teenager) and although I wouldn't swap her for the world, I knew back then and now that I missed out on meeting women and getting laid, but frankly I was trapped. Things were OK and sex was acceptable but never wild. I've always known, but wasn't psychologically ready/couldn't deal with the thought/guilt of cheating until last year when I realised I was an atheist. That turning point, and with the world now turning to shit, it's bothered me a lot less and YOLO is becoming my new mantra.

I started by joining Tinder and even after 3000+ swipes I only got around 3 hits, none of which were worth responding to. I also joined Pure (which seemed more likely to work, but the pool-size is pathetic), and later Wild (as an app this seems the real deal) in the hope of landing a girl, but so far nothing. AFF, BeNaughty, C-Date, TapDat etc. seem to be full of fake profiles or camgirls so I've ditched those, despite what must be fake reviews proliferating around the web asserting to the contrary. I also looked at Ashley Madison and IllicitEncounters, but they're asking for so much money that that's put me off right away, besides I want Hookups, not a FWB - not at this stage anyway. I know it's me doing something wrong - I'm not ugly, but have no clue about social media and what constitutes a good profile, plus as I need 100% discretion (as some of my female work colleagues, not to mention some of my wife's friends my be on those apps) I need to be certain my profile isn't discovered so have it hidden or on a 'only reveal if I've liked' mode. I have no current intention of splitting the family up. Also, to add to my woes (get the violins out) I can't set up anything in London and don't always have a lot of advance notice of when I'm going away on business (maybe a week or two at best), so I usually don't have an awful lot of time to set things up via an app and establish the value/comfort needed, so these apps will probably gets far fewer hits that it would ordinarily, excepting Pure. I've therefore concluded that apps aren't necessarily going to be best of me, but I continue pursue them all the same in order to spread my bets.

What I really need is insight into a way of talking to girls to I can sleep with them on night 1, as I don't have the time or luxury of hanging around as I'll be out of town the next day, so it's got to be a there and then situation.

At the same time, I read The Game and watched a few Neil Strauss videos (you can't help liking him, can you?), and have recently begun to read the free posts on Todd V Dating, Lucio Buffalmano's thepowermoves Jon Anthony's masculinedevelopment amongst others, but as I don't want to waste time and money on systems that don't work - I haven't gone in for the premium stuff. Some of the guys also bash the others (Mystery method seems to have been debunked now), and the reviews often seem bogus so it's hard to know who to trust.

In my effort to find further advice I've landed here as I know I need help with some basics to crack the code and find the way 'in'. Any advice or suggestions fully appreciated. I'm also going to post my next few trips 'away' and on the forum to see if I can meet up with a coach/wing.

Many thanks all,

Sifly.

[nomoresixes]

Just a thankyou, and onward and inward !
welsh lasses are now a bit better off, much love.

[nomoresixes]

Also, good luck with your goals, wear that condom Sifly

[Stein]

Not gonna talk to you about the ethics of doing this, I'm not you and I don't know your full situation. I will say that if you're looking to get good enough at game to get casual one night lays consistently it'll probably take too much of a time commitment for you to keep it a secret. This is more of a skillset than just some routine or set of techniques you can use out of the box, so there isn't a huge way around that.

Have you considered looking into ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, swinging etc? If you're sexually frustrated she might be too. I know it's a nettle grasp and you might not want to, but it's worth seriously considering if this is the route you want to go down. If you like Neil Strauss read his book "The Truth". Mostly about sex addiction but that might give you some ideas to consider.

[Sifly]

Thanks for taking the time to write the reply Stein. You're points are duly noted and appreciate your advice.

In an ideal world I'd split with my wife, but money is tight and it wouldn't be viable to rent a flat and still help pay the mortgage on the family home (I'm the breadwinner and she was made redundant over a year ago and doesn't have access to any other money). In all likelihood they'd be losing both me AND the family home, which would only compound the devastation. I don't have any relatives to live with and then there's our kid who I'd feel awfully guilty and worried about. She's just starting her GCSEs and I just know the upheaval of a split would derail her - she's a high achiever but awfully neurotic and I worry it would seriously f*ck her childhood up. Being a child divorce myself I know how it can be, although in my case it was obvious my parents weren't getting on, which is not so now as wife and I get on OK; we laugh and never argue more than anyone else, and it looks to others that we have a loving family home. The truth is I see her as a close friend now and not someone I am in love with any more. We so very rarely have sex (every couple of months or less) and it varies between perfunctory and dead boring. I know I no longer find her attractive either - so from my perspective the spark has gone - possibly from her's too, but she's not said anything give it away... I just kind of sense it.

You had a good point re trying polyamory, but I know the subject would got down like a pork chop at a bar mitzvah. Although my wife likes to think of herself as an enlightened liberal socialist, the fact is that as far as relationships go she's very conservative. She still doesn't get that Tinder exists and that there's a market for it, as is in that stuck old-fashioned mindset that you'd have to be a real loser to look for anyone, long-term partner or otherwise, online. She so doesn't get the social acceptance and therein lies part of the problem with even the idea of it.

I thought and think PUA'ing could be an answer, but as you say, I don't as yet have time to hone any experience down, not yet unless the situation changes, and it my do in the next 12months or so. Having an affair is another option, but not my preferred one - it's bad enough one too be duplicitous to one woman let alone two but it'd certainly be cheaper than running two households ;-).

I'm going to look at some more PUA videos and methods and see what takes my fancy. As you said, it's the principles that matter, not the routines.

Cheers.