This is a long one I want you to understand the absolute Fkin shit I have been through and I really want some experts in this field to mentor me. And it would be nice to have a wingman. Im in chelmsford essex.
So good to meet you all. Im in a mess right now suffering from depression due to coke abuse for a year.
My Ex was fucking crazy. She cut her arms and went mental. The first 3 years of our relations i was constantly told shes never felt like this before about anyone. and to be fair i know it was true. but she was always insecure and really closed down my life. When i finally gave her what she wanted 'you are the love of my life. she propsed to me on my 40th. But then she went weird on another level. All the good stopped.
I got more and more para and insecure and i think it was justified I think she cheated on me. One one weeks coke binge I fucked up I got paranoid through the roof. June on a thursday I was arrested for being under the influence even though I hadnt had it in since the night before. They have such a small margine of error. 13 hours in the nick. The friday i found out social sercives were called, my children were taken away to be with there mum. I was there main parent carer for 7 years. I was balling my eyes out. My dad got in my face shouting you dont deserve them and I shoved him away. Then my ex ended it. Then as I was off to work I felt something was up from my dad. I said has someone called the police again. He said yes your brother, becuase of pushing me and he thinks you are out of control. I walked oout and had police looking for me the next 2 hours. Started doing more coke. I went home as they said they would arrested me. I went in and they slapped the cuffs on again. Another 12 hours in. I got out and did coke to foget it all but got paranoid I was being followed.
Went to my dads, I was talking crazy. I called the police because the care that I thought was following me park out side my dads.
They turn up and I run. and guess what after them fucking me up a bit and tied my legs up I was carted off and given a section 2. 28 days in a secure hospital. Anyway once I was not on the stuff I appealed and was out in 4 days.
Then all allown, no family no girlfried. Oh and I called girlfrind up she said Ive slept with someone and we are making a go of it. (rebound). I did all the money in my company on coke. company is gone. I have nothing right now but im getting on my feet better every day. I sorted my self out and I have the children home 50% of the week if not more.
My heart is still brealing over the loss of my partner. I rember the good times. But i remember how vile she became. I was a druggie 20 years ago but sorted it. She started doing it over a year ago with the woman next door to her on our nights. I asked her not to let her over or at least not with gear. she ignored it, I couldnt sit there with people doing it near me so i had a little. Before i knew it I was fucked. Worst was doing it every day to every other day. Hundreds a week.
Now im down to once a week and just a little. I know it sounds stupid but if I could get some good looking women, even my ex back (she does need help though). we dont talk and have no contact but I did see her profile picture and I know her and she cant fake being happy even if she tries.
But if I cant get her and im not sure i want to. I want someone else or others. But im not as good looking as I was or fit. But I have a few hot women on my facebook and I would love to go on a date with one.
I need a woman or women. I think it would pull me out of this shit pit and depression!
I hope you read and are willing to help.
Thank you if you read this far