Falling for her...I'm now going backwards
 

Hi all, not been on here for a while, probably not helping me, anyway, I always appreciate everyones input on here.

I've been dating my gf for just over 4months now, we get on amazingly well, and I think looks wise for me she's a ten.
We see quite a bit of each other, 3-4 times a week, so I guess that's why it seems longer than it is.

My problem- falling for her has made me want to see her, excited, and eager to see her, kiss her hold hands etc
BUT
I've started finishing my car early, racing to get home, hearing ''I'll see you Thursday''...and generally not really calling the shots.

How do I get this back, I had it to begin with, she was the one in my position, but it seems to have tailed off a bit.

I think my first step, is to become busy again, I always am, but seem to make time for her..and less time for me I guess haha

This is a very good question, one that I find I often finish with girls I've been seeing just because I felt this switch of power.

On the very few successful times i've clawed it back I have found that persuing hobbies and interests has been the most successful.

If you all of a sudden switch to trying to call the shots and being abnormally stubborn for stubborns sake, she will notice and it will have a detrimental effect.

Just hold off the enthusiasm (easier said than done, but try to consciously monitor your thoughts) and try to be busy by making plans with other people, gym classes, salsa classes etc. where you will be held for a certain amount of time and can't finish it early to run off. either that or use public transport and a bicycle so that it is genuinely difficult to go see her.

Thanks, that made me smile :D

It's good to be excited to see a girl, nothing wrong here. But you do sound like you're choding out a bit. You need to lead your own life and not be reliant on what she is doing (I think you realise this). What would you be doing/want to do if she wasn't around?

More work on my car and gym....both of which I've started doing more of

I think I also want to make her feel that real attraction again, she told me she missed her turning on the way home because she kept thinking about me....I thought David D s book on attraction was good....any others you can recommend?

Just be you, Thats who she first fell for and who she is attracted too

This raises a question, where you in your own reality, or trying to be something you aren't?

As for PUA material, an all time favourite of mine is Tyler Durden's Blueprint. This tackled issues of me pretending to be something I was not, and was a starting point for me celebrating being me, and essentially stop trying to live up other people's expectations.

You get older..your mindset changes..you as a person change/improve

But changing the way you are because of a girl?... I disagree with


Being your self ...while improving is great if its for the right reasons

Being in a relationship changes somebody whether they believe it or not.

Sometimes just talking to a girl and pulling, being rejected or just getting nowhere can change who you are as a person. Being in a relationship will alter this so much more.

In a relationship you compromise so, yes you hate eastenders but she also hates top gear so you watch both. By definition a relationship is "the way in which 2 or more people are connected".

Yes the toughest bloke around can say that he doesn't change for anyone, however everytime you have a relationship whether positive or negative, it will change your outlook, expectations and approach in the future.

I have had some very short relationships, some long, some deep and some shallow relationships but each one has effected the what I do now, which will be different to what I do in the future.

this is true, when you make all ur time for someone, not only do they value it less, you also feel that ur effort should be rewarded with what u want, which makes you notice the adverse effect 10 fold.

have time for friends & hobbies! and all the time for her when u see her.