Yes you are right essentially, but the fact that it is in my head makes it real to me. Whenever I'm just feeling free and being myself, I never think that must be because I'm top of the pecking order (cos I'm not, I'm just being a fun guy with no stresses or hang-ups).

It's when I am feel trapped and self conscious that I go all introverted and do feel low in the pecking order (or rather un-alpha perhaps, never thought of it as pecking order before this thread).

Its very deeply ingrained behaviour, its embedded in your DNA - other primates and even dogs display the same social characteristics. I suppose the good news is that the female response to dominant/alpha behaviour is just as deeply programmed.

I see your problem. I'm sure you can overcome those issues, especially if these are true friends. Theoretically the people you are with should make no difference to your skill set, it's that core confidence that Tyler talks about. Easier said than done though, I know.

Out of interest, what are the friends in question like with women? I did a post on research into self-efficacy and one part of it talked about how comparing yourself to others ability, and then using that information to make judgments about your level of mastery has an effect on confidence.

People can make you feel guilty for changing your life. They're all drawing their state and identity from their perceived position externally, their quota of this or that as they see it, what kind of person they think they are. It's all ego. When you spread your wings a bit you feel like you don't deserve it as you pick up these vibes from them that you're taking something that isn't yours to take...well that's all bollocks mate, you should have had it all along. It's like the piss taking and sabotage you get when you start losing weight, people resist it at first because they like their reality nice and comfortable and predictable. In a year they will be exactly where they were before. If your mates are worth their salt they'll adapt and accept you in time, as long as you don't ram it down their throats or keep on about pickup around them. If they don't, drop them, I dropped a very old mate recently as I just can't keep making excuses for him in view of our history, sounds callous but is healthy I think.

PS

Hardwired isn't the right term because theres no inevitability, obviously sufficiently strong will power can overcome an instinct but an awareness of those instincts enables us recognise why behaving in certain ways is more difficult that it might at first seem. Quite a lot of our day to day behaviour is pre-programmed probably more than most people are aware of. There is actually a whole industry devoted to exploiting our irrational instincts - its called "marketing" :). Manipulating our instinctive reaction to scarcity would be a good example.

Theres a good book called "predictably irrational" and theres also a lot of good stuff in Nassim Talebs "fooled by randomness".

Core confidence is where you need to be. I really related to this in Blueprint. I worked behind my student bar. I used to get numbers all the time there because I felt so confident and was the centre of attention. Then when I went out on the town with other people I would become a shrinking violet again. Also a lot of the numbers didn't go anywhere. I think because when I met them in a different environment I wasn't the confident guy they had met at the bar. Felt like that Denny's guy.

The friends in question are pretty good with women and yeah this probably does effect my game (especially as when I'm on form it usually involves me being funny and the centre of attention). One is very touchy feely friendly friendly and people always seem to like him (especially girls at the moment). Another comes across as quite arrogant and likes to push the boundries with sex talk. This can go either way, but he does well generally. The last one was a bit of a late bloomer, but does alright for himself now too (in a LTR at the mo). Well travelled and very interesting guy.

I think my issue is a combination of a couple of things. The first two are quite in your face and have cock blocked me in the past because of it and also I feel like I'm being judged the whole time I'm out with them (especially from the ones who know about the PUA thing).

I think next time I'm out with them I just need to be sociable and chatty with all until this isn't a problem any more.

Or maybe it is just as simple as we have gone in different directions and we're not as good a friends as we used to be so I just don't like hanging out with them purely because I don't like hanging out with them.