Online - opener messages
 

I've just opened an OKCupid profile in the attempt of figuring out good messages to send, and improving this side of my game.

I've put together this as an opener, and I'm keen to get comments/feedback from people on here:

(This was to a girl who looked like a model, and worked in a bank, and in the section that said What are you good at, she'd put dating).


Hi there,

These days, everyone on here has a good picture - I'm guessing stolen from a Google Image search! I'm more interested in finding out how fun you are. I won't penalise you too much for working in a bank, but it's a poor start. I'm intrigued as to why you think you're good at dating - fill me in.

Tell me 3 things that would surprise and impress me about you. If you win enough points, I'll message you back :-)

I've also tried using (to a girl that said she's brand new and innocent to online dating and who said she's a professional dancer and yoga teacher):


Hi there,

I'm after an intelligent, sophisicated girl, with amazing pictures, seductive eyes and a cute smile.....but I'm interested in your profile anyway! I'm equally innocent to online dating so maybe we could hold each other's hand. And only if you promise not to keep hold of it and make me dance or twist me into surprising yoga positions.

My profile should impress you enough, but one little bonus fact you might like - I've danced on stage at both the Hippodrome and Victoria Rooms in Bristol. Full audience too. I was made to by my school....but it still counts! I've since wisely decided to use my talents in a slightly less dance-orientated financial services office.

So, what fun and exciting things are you planning for your Monday bank holiday?

There fine, although youll proberly quickly get bored of online dating, like i did.... Just not me..... met up with 2girls off a site and they where not what there profiles made them out to be!!! luckily i jus invited them out on a night that i was already out with my friends anyway.

AJay

Never mind what we think, what do YOU think about these messages? Are they the sort of thing you would actually say to a person? Do they accurately reflect your personality? Or are you following a recipe of "how to make delicious online profile - mmm works a treat every time!" I would guess the latter.

Simply for the sake of answering your question, I don't like your messages. Yes they're a bit funny, a bit flirty and give the girl the impression you're the "prize to be won", but on the other hand they are too fake, too contrived, and any girl who is on a dating website and gets hundreds of messages a day (trust me, they do) is going to suss you out as an arrogant twat. Now if you are an arrogant twat fair play to you - Phil enjoys much success being one of these - but I suspect you are not. Thus, don't act like one. Act like you.

Also, for god's sake get off the dating sites. You're not going to grow as a person by chatting up girls online. You might get lucky and pull a fatty though.

I appreciated your advice in my other thread Blanca, and clearly I've come here to get advice from people like you. In this case, I am going to question you further about your comments.

I think my messages are reasonably funny, and are a lot better than my usual opening gambits of "Hey, your pictures look great, how's your day been?". I didn't find them copy-and-paste from another source, but I did read up on some stuff and try and incorporate the principles. For example, I read an example profile where the guy started off by saying "I'm a total prick". I didn't like the sound of that particular profile, sounded too arrogant, so I tried to keep the principles and tone it down. In your opinion, I didn't tone it down enough, and I respect your thoughts.

However, if I'm just my normal self, which is a polite, respectful, sarcastic funny guy, then I think I'll run the risk of my message getting lost in their inbox. I'm sure you'll say "that's why should get off dating sites" but let's put that to one side - assuming I want to be on there, what is your advice for getting replies? I was going with an exaggerated version of my personality to get noticed initially, and I can slowly tone down the arrogance in subsequent messages/texts/calls before I meet her. If anyone has a better philosophy to follow, I'd appreciate the advice.

I'm sure this feels like I'm trying to lecture the educated, and I honestly do appreciate your advice, but to further my knowledge, I sometimes need to question further :-)

Couple tips:

Use something directly from her profile, in your subject line. It increases the rate of response, because it shows you’ve actually read her profile and are not just another drooling idiot.

You have some of the right ideas about teasing, self-deprecation and push/pull…I can see you’ve put some thought into what you say. However, the timing is off and they feel a little contrived, as though you’re exerting yourself, stretching to gain her interest. Try to make it shorter, simpler, more pithy, more reckless. Personally I'd hold off the more involved teasing and whatnot until your second message.

Having a stand out profile is crucial, lots of great photos of you doing things and surrounded by people. In your description, talk about what inspires you, not what you’re accomplishments are (which is what everyone else does). Be simple, direct and honest about what you’re looking for. Don’t set an impossible standard though as girls are insecure, but do make it subtly known that you’re no pushover (not explicitly)…you have to do a bit of this to stand out from all the hundreds of other approval seeking profiles she’s getting bombarded with.

Keep your wits about you though, I’ve come across some blatant liars and nut jobs so far.

PS

I think your message sucks.

The first sentence displays mistrust like your implying her pics arn't real, that alone will probably get your message binned. Your comment about her job was just critical without any real humour and she's probably very bored of people giving her the predictable "oh everyone must hate you for working in a bank" line. I would maybe have said I'm an international diamond thief and always looking to recruit insiders to help me out.

Also personally I would leave the "tell me something that will impress me" line until the second or third message. A first message is all about making it easy and fun for her to start the dialogue - not making it hard work like a job application.

Despite my use of facebook I'm against dating sites they are for AFC who can't get laid by any other means. Facebook is also crap but if you know what your doing you can hit a lot of 8,9,10's in a very short space of time.

I have run several experiments over the last few months and can tell you cocky /confident has best success rate.

You look like a bad girl, (a photo with two girls) So who's the naughty one, what's good about you? etc etc

I do however, like your 'Tell me 3 things that would surprise and impress me about you. If you win enough points, I'll message you back' Its a bit canned but it pushes the right buttons

i dont get this, so if u have been made aware of PUA

u shouldnt bang birds by any other method than whats in a book.

if ur bangin a fitty, and ur hapy with meetin them online

so what.

its geeky as fuck to say ITS TOO EASY TO DO IT ONLINE!! well actually no it isnt. u still gotta do stuff..

From my experience with online dating sites like OKCupid and PlentyOfFish most messages from guys get ignored and though your message isn't that bad I suspect most girls would stop reading after the first few lines and file it under "trying too hard".

The only way I've found to get consitent replies on free dating sites is to have short, confident messages like

"whats Derby like? Is it true about the sheep?"

Then you're more likely to get a reply, even if its just a short jokey reply - and you have invested them a bit so you can follow up with a message like the one you posted and get into an actual conversation.

ps. Girls on online dating sites set their standards way too high by the way, you'll have to work harder to get a date AND you run the very real risk of turning up and finding out they are actually 16 stone and just very good at camera angles (speaking from experience lol)