Wrong frame fo' game?
 

Fellas,

Haven’t been on here for a while but something occurred to me the other day and I wanted a bit of feedback

So I ended up having a bit of a drunken makeout with this girl mate of mine and when I next see her she has the massive hump with me. Turns out she wants a “relationship” with me, but to be honest I just don’t fancy her. Anyway so I say some stuff about not thinking we would be compatible.

The point is this stuff is always happening to me, I can’t just makeout with a girl without her turning into a stage five clinger.

It’s the kind of opposite of what Phil posted a while ago about girls NOT wanting a relationship and seeing him as a bit of a cad.

I talked to my ex fb, Rach about it and she said that I give off a “certain vibe” that makes girls think I am a “relationship guy” therefore if I do get off to them they have certain expectations.

Point is (in my long and rambling way) I’ve been in successive LTR’s all my life and just want to spend some time having a bit of fun.

But how do I change the “vibe” I am giving off?

How do I get across that I’m just into Casual stuff at the moment? Behaviours I need to adopt etc

I know there is a lot of RSD stuff on here and that is all “be your best self” etc
But if I use the “relationship guy” thing to my advantage, yes I could get lots of sex by misleading girls into thinking I want a LTR with them.

BUT (and it’s a big but) that would make me a cunt.


Thoughts?

Long answer short, make it clear that you're single but not looking to get into a relationship immediately, don't close the option off because I'm pretty sure you would if the right girl came along, just make it clear that you're not in any rush right now, you just want to enjoy yourself.

It's usually not hard to work this into conversation, provided it happens before the bedroom then nobody can complain. Continue to make your intentions clear to people if you do have ongoing things with them, always let people know where they stand with you and you're all set.

What some people do is to avoid getting into things with anyone because they think they might end up getting hurt. You don't need to do this, you don't need to actively seek to protect other people. If you've made it clear to them where they stand with you and what you're looking for then they have the choice of continuing or doing anything with you.

That said, if someone does say that they're looking for something more from you and you're not, then it's over. The important thing is that everyone knows where they stand though and if you keep people informed and explain yourself things generally go down very well.

People appreciate emotional honesty.

I wanted to talk about this subject today, started to get similar issues where girls that I'v approached a while ago and num-closed and am still talking to are starting to get relationship ideas because I keep occasionally asking them out (probably because I want sex). But I dont really fancy these girls, and I've not even kissed two of them. Thinking it through now these are stupid interactions caused by crappy approach handling 'back in the day'. I'm going to shut these down, its weird to enter the world of womens needs, you start getting weird misunderstandings and mindset incompatibilities.

EG "Whats wrong? Have I upset you? U seem quite different today"

Would be good if someone on here could confirm there are lots of girls that can be slept with without having to false-promise relationships. Seems most want to contract LTRs without putting in any work. Instead of keeping the relationship going moment by moment they merely want an agreement 'I will feel for you forever, I promise' and then they sit back and expect it to go well.

Jaz, top advice. Yeah you're right. I'm going out for a drink with her tonight so will man up and tell her where she stands

My cold approaches are usually alright.

In short I can do it and pretty much always get good responses (but this is also due to me never approaching the really hot ones).

If I was being critical my approaches are GREAT at making friends, finding commonalities, putting people at ease, being non threatening etc

I work in Technical Sales so it's my job to make good working relationships.

Looking at it I approach to "get in the friendzone" and pretty much all the interactions have zero sexual tension.


RLA Jay, absolutely agree with this. State my terms and let them choose what they want to do.

Anyway enouigh fucking navel gazing, lets get out amongst it!


Scamp

and this is EXACTLY me.

I mean exactly!

Excellent point, well made

I generally tell girls at some and repeat it a few times when the subject comes up "I don't do relationships, I find them restrictive and not what I'm looking for". Once this is clarified I find girls try even harder to get me into one, but I have the choice of where it goes and don't feel guilty. Funny topic, as I'm getting sucked into one at the moment, but kinda happy to do so, we make a really good couple and it's non pressured.