Peoples Names

[Breaker]

O.k this isn't limited to getting girls and can have a huge impact in becoming socially awesome. In fact I would say it was of the biggest factors that has improved my social status and skills recently (thanks to reading how to win friends and influence people).

Remembering and using peoples names effectively sounds easy and not that important, but has huge implications. I have a terrible habit of switching off when someone tells me their name, mainly because I'm thinking what I'm going to say next, I meet lots of new people, have a bad short term memory and never grasped it's actual importance. I have tripped myself up and been blown out numerous times purely for this reason (usually when I'm a bit drunk), so have consciously worked to improve on it and the results have been surprising to say the least. So I'd like to share a few things I've discovered and use.

I may have mentioned before that I open a lot by simply introducing myself, 90% of the time a girl will then tell me her name. As my transition I now tend to repeat the name out loud sometimes changing the way I say it each time in a kind of I'm deciding whether or not I like the name or not way. I will then transition using her name e.g. "So Sarah tell me......" Another thing I might do is talk about her name and try and relate it to something, a country, a friend whatever I can to make sure I remember it and am using it. This accelerates comfort rapidly, as you go from some random dude, to someone who actually knows her and addresses her by name.

The second thing I want to talk about is when you've met someone but wouldn't be expected to remember their name if you see them again. This is something I have just recently started working on and it can be incredibly powerful socially. My previous belief was that if I remember their name and they don't remember mine, I look lower value and lack social abundance and if it's vice versa, I seem high value as I'm cool enough to remember but they obviously are not. Although this may seem the case sometimes, it's not cool and does not help you.

Socially liked and awesome people remember everyone's names and use them without fear or outcome dependence. If you start to do this you will find lots of people won't remember your name whilst you do theirs, but they will almost always make the effort to remember after a first offence as to not make the same mistake again and will be socially impressed, I sometimes tease them about it. Do not take it as a neg if they forget, it's hard to remember everyone you meet, if you do remember it shows you have strong social skills and are generally interested in them, which is almost always taken as a compliment.

I used to do this weird thing where I pretend I only just remember them vaguely, now I just purposely address people I have met by name confidently like I know them and it is a million times more comfortable and they generally warm to me a lot quicker and start acting like a normal friend would.

An example of how I will maximise this comes in the form of my plans for tonight. I've been invited via facebook to celebrate a friends Birthday at his house followed by a night out, the message was sent to 15 people, 3 of them I know really well (we lived together), 4 of them I've met once or twice but wouldn't be expected to remember the names of and doubt they will remember mine and the others I've never met (it's 7 girls and 8 guys). If I turn up unprepared there is no way I will remember everyone within the group through individual introductions.

But by spending 10 minutes going through the names and matching them to the faces on their profiles I can guarantee before I go I can memorise each person by name before I meet them and solidify the names of the people I've met before so I can use them lots confidently throughout the night and build strong connections quickly. In a large social group like this, it can make or break how how everyone see's you and make the difference between being a hanger on to the group or a social legend that everyone feel comfortable talking to.

I really can't emphasis how important using peoples names is, it shouldn't be something that you take or leave depending on whether you remember to do it, it should be a priority, a skill and something that sets you apart from others. But don't take my word for it, go out and start doing it yourself.

[Refl3x]

Great Post

Didnt simon Cowell say somthing along the lines of make everyone feel really important.
make friends and influence people is an alltime classic book.

I think remembering peoples names is a powerful social tool that i know i should do but havnt invested the time to do it.

Also using somones name in conversation to them, immediately enforces the connection you both have together as it grabs attention their attention.

also in groups using peoples name along with yourself is powerful
Me and Gemma both think, words like We, Us, Our -- bonding words, pairing words are great subtle connecting words - hit that subconscious level connection.

I just need to put the effort in like you do to start implementing this more, as i am bad with names.


A good way of remembering Names is to link it with somthing amusing.
A guy told me he was called Tim last week, so i immediately thought -Tim Nice but Dim
now i have no problems remembering that. --cant always do that tho

Mike - imagine hes got a microphone for a head--
Anabel - Bell on her head

things along those lines

You can then also link other imagery to them to remember what they are into etc.

She tells you she likes Horse Riding -- Imagine her being fucked by a horse or spanking you with a horse whip

[Joker]

I never tell anyone my name or ask for anyone to gimme theirs when it comes to pick up.

Alot of the time hours into pick up and banter a girl will go 'Hang on! I don't even know your name?!' usually seems to mean she's let herself go, is enjoying herself and is generally 'into' whatever's goin on. I love that. I have fun with it. I might say 'you can gimme a nick name if you like'. If I'm playing it right the girl will beg or offer to do anything just to find out my name, if I've ballsed it up she'll think I'm 'weird'. But I think it usually kinda builds value. It can imply... i.e 'I don't even give my name away cheaply to just anyone never mind my cock kinda thing'.

Having said that I think in business and other (non pick up) social situations the top dogs always seem to have a thing about remembering every little guy in the company by name. And remembering people's names in business is super important imo. When I used to to contact people alot for work I had this spread sheet where I would enter details about my contacts/clients so I could bring up those details and make them feel special whenever I recontacted them. It was details like ' Has just had a baby' 'Daughter has been in hospital' 'Is getting married in Spain in june' 'Fulham season tick holder'... it seemed to work to make my clients feel like I remembered them personally and that they were special.

[Spoonhead]

Yeahh repeating the girls name and then using it to address them immediately seems like a gentlemenly kinda thing to do. Like something james bond would do lol! very suave like.

[Breaker]

It's a bit of weird one because you can get away with not doing it quite easily. I've taken girls home and not known their name, they might have told me earlier in the night, but I would have forgotten it immediately. Also asking for her name is needy, which is why I also introduce myself and let her do the same, miles more confident.

For me, internalising this habit has far more and greater benefits than the value gained from "implying I don't give my name away cheaply" for example the value from social status and connections with those that are not your target is huge. The attraction that good people skills builds is very significant, every girl want's the popular guy and it's a great way to win over sets so you can isolate a target. No-one usually remembers the fatties name and having her on your side will increase your chances massively.