Gaining social dominance

[fenix_3]

This isn't exactly off-topic, but it's a related thing I think might help. Say you're in a group of men and women. What's a good approach for making yourself someone who's more at the centre of things, and not necessarily with respect to the women there? The reason I ask is it occurred to me that if I can more comfortably place myself at the social centre of a group of men, it'll give me the underlying confidence boost to do the same with any women I meet. If that makes sense.

I should say I feel weird writing that because I wonder if it makes me sound like someone with absolutely no idea how to hold a conversation - far from it, barring my unfortunate disadvantage of not having a clue or any interest in football, despite living up in Glasgow - but at the same time in a group I sometimes tend to become quiet. Not because I'm shy, but because I find myself sometimes letting other people do the talking. It's my 'default state', you might say.

What's a good way to overcome that?

[Knave]

Practice

That and confidence building stuff.

I'm sure you can hold a funny interesting conversation with your mates, there is no real difference to the sceanrio you described, apart from in your head.

Social shit is just like anything the more you do it the better you get. Its not complicated or something you learn from a book.

You could try swaying the conversation your way. Talk about things you want to talk about as well. Don't worry what they're opinion will be. In fact, don't worry about anything you can't change.

I've been in this situation before, staying quiet whilst everybody talks. But this was at school, where I wasn't overly confident or popular. After school, I eventually drifted from those friends, made new friends and started to feel more comfortable in social situations.

And I agree with other posts, definitely practice practice practice!!!! Just go out, all the time, anywhere, with friends. Get a best friend, a wingman

[Breaker]

This is pretty common, I've always thought of myself as very confident but used to close up in these situations a lot.

Some actual tips you can put into practise that I find work -

Voice - have the loudest projection without shouting, chiming in quietly implies that what you say has less importance. Be clear, and well paced but make sure everyone hears what you are saying.

Body Language - Use your hands to make and emphasise points, make eye contact with people, you want to convey openness so head up, relaxed shoulders, smile and uncrossed arms.

Interactions - Use peoples names as much as you can, avoid apologising for what your saying or doing unless necessary, don't be afraid to disagree respectfully and hold your own, it's fine and endearing to most people if you are different and happy to be so, use humour that you find funny and don't worry if others might not, if you find it funny it often will show and they will find it funny however shit it is.

Finally getting stuck in your head and thinking what others might think of what you could have said is a slippery slope and not good at all, if you find yourself doing this try and change it quickly by chiming in, talking to someone else, basically putting yourself in the moment where you talking and not a spectator.

[Paddy]

Don't be an arsehole, but don't be a pussy. Better to be a pussy because you don't want to be an arsehole than being an arsehole because you don't want to be a pussy. This is the zen of cool.

[Maxemillion]

Better to be a Dick, Dicks fuck pussys and arseholes.

[RLAJay]

Originally Posted by Jaz

This should be your epitaph.

Reminded me of this