How can I save this relationship?
 

What should I do to save our relationship?

Hi guys, thank you for reading my thread and I would be thankful for any useful advice.

First I give you a general description then I will move on to the details.

We are both 26 and we have many common interests but our personalities are different. But we could accept that we are different and liked it about each other.
We had started dating in August and at the end of the month, we got together.
So I can say it's a fresh relationship.

Our relationship had started well then I had a 2 weeks holiday abroad in September. That let us a little far from each other. After the escalation of our relationship stagnated and now it seems to fall.
We talked a lot about ourselves and we decided to fix our problems and stay together. Maybe we stressed too much because of it.
She is a kinda introverted girl and she could become stressed easily, I am more extroverted and usually cheerful that she liked so much. She like my humor and she said before she felt loose and peaceful when we are together.
But things change and she couldn't find out why she feel different now.

This week she called me to her flat then she told me that she want to break up. I wasn't in that mood to handle it well so I just became angry and shouted with her because she told me some bullshit then I left.
She wanna talk with me again around the weekend.


I try to give you more details in the next chapter.

Now I will describe her, our relationship and the problems.

I hope you could give me some advice on how and what should I do to fix this. And what I should tell her to think about continue and not to break up.

We met each other on a dating app. After 2 weeks of chatting we have gone on our first date. We went hiking in the mountains. Everything went smooth in the first 2 hours of the date the first kiss just happened. After the hiking, we stayed in the back seat of my car and we were kissing, hugging, and talking for hours. We were surprised that its feel so good on the first date much more than we expected.

She told me here that her previous relationship ended around May but she didn't have sex with his ex for a year before they broke up. It will be important later.

So till I left for holiday everything was so good. Then some problems appeared.


Now the situation looks like we hadn't had sex for a month because she cannot be excited. Before we had a lot and not just in the bed. Both of us agreed that the sex is fantastic together.
But now she has the same feeling as in her previous relationship that she is just never in the mood to have sex and I tried many times with massage and petting to have sex but she always says now I don't want to.
But before she really liked our get-togethers and many times she took the lead.

It really seems that her feelings to me are totally changed. She was always smiling as fuck when she saw me and always felt safe and calm when we met.

In the last month, it changed.
She feel nervous and stressed at my presence and not so interested in me. When we make a call nowadays she stays silent many times and gets rid of me like "okay then hang up, bye"
Before she was so talkative always asked me questions, now she feels disinterested about me...

There could be many causes why it's turned into this. Maybe I was too kind and caring about her too much. I should have seen that she didn't need that much care. I just tried to be a good boyfriend.
She moved to a new flat and I helped her with fixing things around the flat.
Like, put on shelves, fixing some electric wires, change the broken mirror, etc.
I think it is normal when a man does manly things around the house.
I really like cooking so sometimes I cooked for her, surprise her with some candies as a normal boyfriend does.

The last time she told me about the break up she said that she feel flustrated because she cannot give that much attention that I deserve and she doesn't feel the way I feel...
And I am the last one on her priority list because she concentrates on her job and when we meet she is tired, she got 2 cats and loves them and she needs to take care of them.
I deserve more attention and care that she cannot give me and it makes her feel bad.
She mentioned that it was only her fault and it's also not normal we don't have sex. She needs to talk to a psychologist because she is the problem in our relationship and not me. She said I am a really good boyfriend but I give her so much "love" and care that she can't handle and can't give back. Nowadays she feels good when she is alone at home and has time to relax.

So now we are so far from each other and want to pool her back slowly and make it clear that our relationship has worked and it can still work in the future.

My important questions!

What I can do to make her feel comfortable again in our relationship and make her feel like in the beginning? I want to make her attracted to me again.

What should I change in myself and behave?

What should I tell her the next time we meet? What should I talk about and how?

Thank you so much for reading and helping me.
And sorry for the grammatical mistakes

Sorry for the grammatical mistakes? Say sorry to your grandad for being a faggy bitch.

You met this girl yesterday. You are so into her it's disgusting. No self respect.

You even tried to write that with some odd presence, some kind of gravitas, the desperation is palpable. Are you trying to convince yourself with that theatrical nonsense?

You should go out and talk to other girls.


Peace,

kowalski

Alright mate. Quite a sad story you've got there. Hope this advice helps-

Unfortunately this is a very unlikely scenario from what you've said. Best thing is to accept this is probably the case to help you start moving on. However if you both work on yourself a lot, one day down the line maybe...

I can see that you have a very traditional outlook on relationship dynamics. When talking about how you're a good boyfriend you say this-

'She moved to a new flat and I helped her with fixing things around the flat. Like, put on shelves, fixing some electric wires, change the broken mirror, etc.
I think it is normal when a man does manly things around the house.
I really like cooking so sometimes I cooked for her, surprise her with some candies as a normal boyfriend does.'

To be an attractive man you have to be interesting/stimulating. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Emotionally stimulate the women with your words and actions. Her reaction to your surprise 'oh, candles' isn't really fun for you or her. This should be your priority in self improvement, id have to know you better to give you specific examples that can be congruent in your personality.

Another thing that might be hard to hear- she might have said she enjoys sex with you but if she isn't begging for your dick then you're not doing a good enough job in the bedroom. Seriously. Have you read any books on how to really drive women crazy for sex? 'Sex god method' for example. If not, get on it straight away!

Hope this helps slightly more than the first reply.

Summarising Kowalski's response - "go out and talk to more girls."

She's not giving you sex time? What's the point then, be her best friend for her to moan over?

Almost like you're dating Angela from the US Office.

You want her attracted to you? If you're seeing some other lass then who cares? Hell you could even tell her about it and see if you get her jealous and have angry sex. That would be funny.

Z

1. There are deeper issues at play here. I'm beginning to see a pattern from the last rel ship.

2. She shouldn't see a therapist, but a psychotherapist. This is to first discover what the root issue/issues are. Then to overwrite them using hypnosis. Trust me I know what I'm talking about. I'm a psychotherapist. If she sees a therapist, those quacks will have her tied to a couch for years. A psychotherapist will have her be ok in the first session.

3. Give her time and a lot of space. Don't get angry. Be a man, not a boy. She seems to be a green personality type.

4. Read (might be useful for you, depending on, in what stage the relationship is, if you have broken up or in the process of breaking up etc) relationship rewind. This will give you the play by play what to do. AS she's going to a psychotherapist. Which you obviously can't force her to see. So it's really up to her if she wants to change that and have good quality rel ships in her life forever, or stay where she is.

That's it. Here's a good start for you both..