Can't change my conversational patterns, keep falling back to same old defaults
 

Anybody run into a problem where you read in an article/book/whatever about changing your interactions with people but you just can't make them happen when you're actually having the conversation?

For example:
- trying to connect deeply with questions/stories
- giving a compliment
- could even be saying something specific in a business meeting
Anything really.

Like, beforehand, you intended to change the way you communicate, but then when you're actually standing in front of a person, it just goes out of your mind and you fall back to the same old default behaviour.

I'm hitting this problem, and I'm really struggling to change my patterns.

I don't think it affects everyone, but I'm curious if anyone else has the same issue and can point me in the direction of info about it.

It's a case of practice makes perfect. If there are particular points you are wanting to hit during conversations then spend some time on your own going over those points over and over, write them down if you need to.

Sounds like it's in the ballpark of analysis paralysis.

You have this idea (shit) in your head thinking you need to sound just like what you've been reading about and say it correctly, and because of this, you stifle.

My advice is stop trying so hard.

It's similar to preparing for an interview. You can spend as long as you like reading and making preparations, but when the moment arrives, you forget everything.

Thanks for the replies 👍

That's it exactly. I hadn't thought of that analogy, but I've experienced a similar thing in a job interview. Actually that job interview analogy helped me search and find info about my problem when previously I didn't know what to search for (Google is your friend... sometimes :) )

I think my brain is constantly filled with too many thoughts flying around, it's easily bored, hard to focus on the mundane things I'm trying to accomplish in the here and now sometimes. Kinda stresses it and distracts it

Not sure how to go about fixing it tho... really hard to stay focused in these situations

This might help:
I've been doing mindfulness training, but that's hard... usually my mind drifts off in the middle of it and never comes back lol. My brain is just a mad bag of frogs and it doesn't like operating at below capacity when often that's the best way to get the job done sometimes!