Where do you even begin?

[NJG]

My questions a pretty simple one. I get the impression most guys will ask how do you become a PUA, what's the best neg or how do you show value without seeming transparent but my question is where do you begin?

I know projecting negativity is rule 1 of what not to do and having game is comes from believing you have it but I don't have game and my attempts to modify my personality have just left me feeling phony.

I'm 23 coming up 24 in the spring and my story is boring and plain. I'm a virgin and I've never so much as kissed a girl. I grew up in London never really experiencing the joys of this great city and my teenage years led me to a very unhappy place and I thought things would be different at University on the south coast, but I was just unhappy and frustrated which turned into a deep depression.

I was fascinated by Neil Strauss's The Game (rookie comment if sure) which was the first I became aware of a PUA community. I grew up around NLP so I've always been familiar with the ideology of how to better yourself but frankly I don't know where to begin because I feel weighed down by my history and inexperience which I'm sure is pretty obvious to any girl I meet.

A couple of weeks ago I signed up to a dating site as a last gasp attempt to meet someone and recognised a friend of a friend who I sent a flirt but I thought it was a waste of money to pay the ridiculous £20 subscription so I didn't follow though. Tonight I met up with my friend (who's a lesbian) and we met the girl and a couple of her other friends at a bar in Camden. I exchanged a little awkward joke with the girl about the online dating and we exchanged a little about ourselves but as is always the case I didn't really make an impact despite establishing at least a little value. I know there was something in the air about her and a girl who likes her (strange situation I know) but I left with an an eerily familiar feeling...

I think it's time to start making changes but when you don't feel like someone who has enough going on or enough game to mask where do you begin?

[Midas touch]

Welcome to the forum. Begin by reading The Rules of the Game (not The Game) same author and follow all the exercises in that.

It's a bonus that you already know about NLP. It's good for your inner game. Get out there and approach lots of women. Make mistakes and learn.

Good luck.

[NJG]

I had forgotten to read that so thanks for the suggestion...

It's a defeatist thing to say but I'm not really a make a mistake and rebound kind of guy. I can't help but take things personally and I'm very intimidated by any women who have shown interest (or have been falling down drunk on my lap...)

I can't help but get out the mindset of you meet someone through a friend who you know is interested and meet up a couple of times and see where it goes.

I'm not looking to be a player but I can't help but feel the skills of a PUA are transferable... Confidence is confidence but I've never had (or have) the people around me to gain it so I'm a one man band trying to get some colour on my white flag.

[woody]

its easy to get lost in all this PUA stuff, the first thing you need to do if you want to change is discover how women percieve you. go out tomorrow and look for the sort of girl you would like to date. go up to her and tell her you have a blind date later on that night, ask her what her first impression is of you. ask her if you should get your hair cut, if yes what style, do you have glasses, do you need to upgrade them or should you get contacts? is what you are wearing ok? what should you wear?

you might even want to carry this on and flirt, if she gets into it she might ask you details, where are you going, how did you meet/ online or through a friend? do you know what she looks like? if not how will you recognise her. prepare some answers and have fun with it. if she doesnt ask then you can use your prepared material to have a conversation.

to withdraw complement her on how kind she had been, always start with politeness before trying negs and the other stuff. if you have it in you tell her she is beautiful and that you hope your date is half as good looking as her but your date will probably be a beast.

do this five times before lunch, if you get indications that any girl likes you tell her you are going to watch harry potter. ask her if she want to come along and then she can help transform you in to the guy girls want to date.

be friendly not needy, try for a take it or leave it attitude but show interest.

follow the 5 rule game, learn 5 things about her and remember them. these are the threads for further conversation. have 5 things (honest) about you. dont lie, honesty and trust are the basis of relationships. many girls find virgins cute, it is my wingmans pick up line! lesbians are good for sex tips but again ask with honesty not in a perv guy way. and always when in doubt compliment all women and learn how to make dark chocolate cake! seriously!! if you do make some in when in a relationship or practice on friends who are girls they will love it.

there it is, just a start but thats what you wanted. oh and speaking from someone who has problems with depression, exercise helps for me, cut down on the booze and in the winter get as much daylight as possible. all i have said i have done but thats just me, use your imagination, have fun and good luck

[Blanca]

My advice differs slightly from what these guys are saying. I recommend finding a wingman (use the Find a Wingman section - there are dozens in London) and simply going out with them. Some of the best stuff I've learned is from going out and getting stuck in with other guys, mostly because, as human beings, we learn better from each other than we do from a book.

Speaking of which, try not to be duped into thinking "The Rules of the Game is the way to go" or"direct is best" or "Mystery Method is the greatest" or anything. Every method has its own merits and disadvantages - the key is to find what works for you and you can only do that by having a go.

[Loke]

Meet a wingman, read the theory, practice it. Learn all types of game, once you learn something and try it you can start molding it all into your own unique style.

[Phil]

dont listen to blanca buy every book u find and u will be able to get any woman u want

including mine

(u dont even need to read em... their aura will guide u)

[Fox]

good post woody.
im back in the country in like a week. chuck me a pm.

[Phil]

when i bought THE GAME... nobody would play PUA with me, all my mates said NAH CUDNT BE ASSED, didnt know there wer forums... i just went out an tried the shit...

learned NLP, General human behaviour... and just indulged in learning ... not primarily about PUA, but just how i could know enuf about humans to be better.

this way i learned enuf to try and tweak out the weaker peices of me and build a stronger character.

u begin with yourself, go out and learn to handle rejection. dont rely on anyone

[FreshMind]

i would start with vh1 s show mystery method or pickup artist or how its called