About English girls
 

Hello evryone,

This is my first post on the forum and, for anyone of you who hasn't read my introduction, I'm 38 years old Italian who moved to England 3 years ago.
Due to some health problems and shyness despite my age I have not much experience with girls. But now the health problem I had is gone and I would like to have a lot e sex before eventually find someone to settle down with.
and I'm asking you what's the best way to do that in England?
I mean here there are a lot of differences with Italy and sometimes I'm confused.
In Italy I have never ever approached a woman nor ever showed any interest to any girl because of my shyness but really often girls hit on me and sex was soon after (at least it should but because of problems on my penis there wasn't any sex). It was never a problem to say "I don't want Anything serious" and often they said that to me.
Serious stuff happened only after a while of dating someone casually. I grew convinced that settling down was not mandatory and that it would have eventually happened only if I found someone worth with a lot of sex meanwhile. When I hear from my Italian female friends they tell me that they normally have casual sex with people just because they were attracted or because they needed a good fuck. Not all of them are in a relationship and some of them don't want to either.

Since I'm in England there has been no girl hitting on me apart from a 55 year old colleague which I refused cause she's not my type. I have a lot of very attractive female colleagues (I think English girl are beautiful) but none of them has ever shown any interest. Besides that, everyone of them, actually every English girl I know, has got a boyfriend and the few who have not are desperate to find one. They're all after serious stuff.
I have tinder, okcupid, bumble and happn. I have matched with many girls but one blocked me on WhatsApp after I said I wasn't old fashioned, another one after I said I never had a proper serious relationship living with my partner just to mention a few examples but they are only the same.
I have been out approaching girls with a friend who's very good at it and I can say that picking up girls in clubs is a lot easier here than in Italy. I had sex with a Greek girl picked up in a club and a Belgian one. Then I picked up a Welsh and a polish girl which I dated both twice and no sex yet. The Welsh was really offended when I said I wasn't looking for anything serious.

My housemate uses tinder differently. He swipwes everyone right and dates whoever likes him, have sex with them until he gets bored of them and he dumps them. The one he is dating now asked him if he wanted to join her and her family for christmas, that means she think it's a serious thing. He said no but still dating her even if it is just for sex. I couldn't ever do anything like that. I like to be clear. If I'm after nothing serious I wouldn't be comfortable thinking that a girl wants a serious relationship with me. I've always been clear but now if I keep doing that I'm afraid I'm not gonna get any sex.

So, this is a question for you. what should a man who is after sex do in England? Cause these 3 years made me think is really difficult or maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Thank you

I actually don't know the answer to this question, but I am trying to find one. I'm in my 30s and in the last couple of years it hit me how much I've missed out on. I've never even had a casual girlfriend, which seemed to come so easily to others, like back when I was at the youth club, or college.

I've tried daygame but it just seems too random/creepy. It really seems to me that most people "meet" via apps and those you have to either link your account to your phone number (bad for anonymity) or you have to pay a subscription (bad for anonymity and your wallet!).

There aren't actually any free apps, some say they are free but there is always a catch, like requiring a phone number or you have to subscribe to actually message anyone.

And you seem to get kicked easily from apps or dating websites for even the slightest infraction (read:not adhering to feminist propaganda!).

So it all comes back down to daygame again, which feels borderline illegal nowadays.

Haha elaborate. I'm curious.

I tried apps back in 2017, Tinder and P0F.

If you are slightly weird in personality you can get kicked and then your account is linked to your phone number which means you can't get back on.

You could be a generic person and try "kissing a chick's feet" but that is tiresome and insincere.

It's tricky to express oneself through text.

Nah nah nah, specifically what did you do on there, and how that's somehow related to feminist propaganda.

Oh, and if I'm gonna derail I just I'll at least answer op's original question. Nothing serious is generally assumed until otherwise said, but it's generally implicit. Girls are fine saying they're just meeting up with guys for sex amongst friends, but wont react well to that being made explicit in a tinder chat or the first time you meet them. There's often no need to even bring it up. If they ask just say something like 'it depends, if I really click with someone I'm maybe open to more but for now I just want to take things easy and see how it goes.' Some shit like that, subcommunicates pretty much what you mean, but is nebulous enough that a girl doesn't have to openly accept a strangers offer to just fuck each other now and then.

In general though, clubs are a good shout if your goals just to get laid with a bunch of different girls.

Meaoww, hahahahahahah. This post was so funny... But I think was good at the end.
First, as an expert in Italian culture, I think I recognise the kind of character behind you. No worries, it's really common. It's just years of machist/Catholic education. You just need to get riddle of it.

-first: this thing about sacred and profane love, about pure women and hoes. All heterosexual healthy women like sex. Even more than men. So there's not such thing as taking advantage of a woman because you want sex. Sex is enough reward.

-second: women are not pure beings. They sometimes are wrong and they get into relationships because is comfortable for them just to discover after a while that they were wrong and they don't want the relationship anymore. Sometimes, they want the relationship because they have interests on you, but they don't want to give nothing else to the relationship than you already have. Even they want it sometimes just to be able to give less. But this doesn't mean they can't benefit from sex with you (another self-esteem problem) if they don't get the relationship.

- third: god isn't watching you. It's time for you to create you own morals based in the real world you had experienced in your own life.

I hope this clarifies things a little bit for you. If not, send me a message.

PD: I would love to meet that wingman of yours, he sounds amazing.

PPD: hey first person approacher, have you found a job instead of creeping girls around on a bike? I would do that instead of wasting my time here.

Ok guys, first of all many thanks to anyone who answered. I took my time to answer cause I wanted to get more experiences either first person or from my friends to have a better idea of the situation cause your answers confused me a bit.

However i would like to reply to everyone:

I am used to live my relationships with girls like this but since I am in England the impressions I have is that it is not like that at all. For example a girl that on the first date asked me if i was Jewish just in case we married. If you're asking me this question it means you have marriage in mind, that's why you are dating me, that's your aim, that scares me so much that I normally run away.
No italian girl would have ever made such question and if she was attracted she would have dated me being not the time to think about marriage yet.
What I mean is that I feel the general approach is completely different: you can date cause you're attracted and only after a while you consider if the situation can evolve into something else or you can date to find a person to settle down long term.
In the second case your approach will be really different, you will consider if that person has a job, owns a car and stuff like that.
You say it's nothing serious until otherwise said but from my experience I can say since I am here I meet only girls who have the second approach and this makes me too much unconfortable.
Before coming here normality was to have a relaxed approach, we hang out together and have sex just because we are attracted to each other. Things may or may not evolve into something more serious.
Since i arrived here girls seem to have the second type of approach, they check soon if you can be a good long term partner and if not they dump you. And this is really the whole problem and what makes me feel very unconfortable and run away very soon. i got to the point to which I am afraidn to say something wrong.

Ok, it has never happened to me to hear an english girl saying that, actually talking about it with some of them i heard them replying about self respect and than that would mean being used. While my italian friends (females) speak really freely about it, about having sex just for sex's sake with someone and they normally do.
If we talk about apps like tinder then there are girls who say they are not looking for anything serious or that thay don't know yet, so I don't see why it is bad saying that on an app. Some of them do, so it is not bad but those girls are rare and I am sure they will have plenty of matches.

That's exactly what i said to the last girl met via tinder and she replied "yes I too want to find someone to settle down with". i was a bit puzzled not knowing if she understood and I changed topic.

I think you completely missed the charachter. i was raised as a catholic but soon when i was adolescent I abandoned my faith for the atheist path and I have always surrounded myself with super liberal and progressist thinking people.

in facts:

As I said previously I know all my female italian friends like to have sex, we talk about it freely. I don't have any criticizing or judging thought about them when thay tell me about it. I talk with them like I talk with men and they say they enjoy sex as men do so why shall i think what you say?
When I said I don't want to take advantage of anyone I meant that if you're looking for a husband and I am not into anything serious I am wasting your time and taking advantage of you. That's why i think it is correct to be clear soon and it is what i have always done.

i didn't understand this bit.

As I said i don't believe in god and i already live by my morals.

he is great indeed and he made me understand that everything is possible. I was hanging out with him for an year and I was thinking he was a bit creepy. he is funny, girls laugh, but sometimes i was thinking he was creepy. For an entire year he didn't pick up anything, then one day something clicked he had his first telephone number and after that night he started to pick up one or 2 girls every night.
So I understood that maybe it is something inside you, something you communicate to them and he, insisting into trying, developed this skill.
One night we were together and he apporached 2 girls sat on a table. It was a bit embarassing but with a couple of jokes we softened the situation. then we left. After a while one the girls came to me, we talked, escalated, kissed then she went home but left me her telephone number. After that night i understood that i have to work on overcoming what i consider embarassing or creepy. i have always thought 2 girls sitting on a table don't want to be annoyed. If you are standing and you approach them at their table it looks really creepy to me but it worked so i understood that not only was a good thing to do but it earned me a girl to date. After that night I tried to overcome those kind of limits and i can say that for 3 months i picked up a girl every night as well/ But then I had a break in night outs and when i composed this post I was back into the nightlife since shortly and wasn't having any succcess. So i think it is about practice and really everyone can do it. Just kill your shyness and do it. you will get 1000 "I am not interested" but you keep doing it.

Now, probably I have been unlucky but seriously since I am here I am struggling a lot to find a sexual partner. i managed to find girls to date, but if they were met at a club they didn't want to have sex soon and i didn't manage to go past the 3rd date with any of them. if they are met on tinder either i realize i don't like them at all, or they show too much seriousness and i run away or they don't like me.
The only succesful interaction I had was with a feminist belgian girl into polyamory met on feeld (it is tinder for sex) and a greek girl met on a club.
Regarding this greek girl I can say she behaved in a very Italian way: We met because my friend approached her firend in a club. We spoke a bit then we left.
Then i met her again another day in another club, she waved at me and called my name. I wasn't remembering her but i pretended I did. then she spend the next hour with me, forgetting about her friends, she even bought me a drink. Soon after i kissed her. While we were kissing she said she lived close to the club. i asked her to show me her place. She said she would have loved to go for a coffee first. I started talking about something else. When the club closed she said she was going home and i said I needed to wait half an hour for my bus but i could have walked with her for a bit. i walked till her house and she asked me to come in and we went straight into bed.
With no english girl i had this success. I even managed to watch a film with the first girl I picked up, the one who was sitting a the table and my friend approached them, at her place but she refused to have sex, saying we would have done it next time. but there wasn't any next time cause we had an argument that ended into not texting each other anymore.

So, this is a problem that is affecting my mental health. In england I found a good job in the NHS which is really valuable and I would'nt like to leave it but the lack of pussy is killing me and i am seriously considering to go back to italy.
Probably it is just a matter of different ways, different codes of seduction.
I am really interested into knowing how you guys get laid, without feeling obliged to commit, if you do. I would love to hear about your experiences just to prove I am wrong and that probably I have been unlucky so far. I accept any suggestion!!!

So my question is: do i really need to tell them that I am looking to sette down and date them a few times to have some sex? Or am i just being naive and the limit is only in my mind (for this reason i would appreciate to hear your experiences).
I have also to add that in Italy i have never used tinder but everything happens going around, meeting people, just a few girls have children before 30 years old (that's a continental thing, not just italian) while here the average 30 year old has at least 2 so they are more oriented towards finding a father for their children. Also every English girl i know has a boyfriend from long time, the single girl who enjoys her life and decides to date someone more seriously only when she finds someone worth (and that doesn't mean they want necessarily to make babies with them) it is something i have never seen here, whereas is common where i come from.
Other thing i will never understand: girls I've been on a first date with here, text their mums after, to let them know the date went well. The fact that their mums know doesn't put way too much pressure on them on how to behave? I am used to people who tells parents and friends about someone they are dating only when that someone become the official boyfriend/girlfriend. Until that moment they say they meet a friend and what they do is their business.

So I really want to know what am I doing wrong, if i have been unlucky or naive or if that is just the way things work here.

Thank you very much in davance.

Try a bird that's left school.

Ciao.

Free Range Eagle?

I do. I am 39 years old and the youngest I have ever dated was 25. the average is 35 however.

I feel a little bit ridiculous about this topic to be honest cause in 2020 it shouldn't be a problem. But I go with my experience and according to my experience here if you don't pretend you're after something serious you don't get sex. I have never done and it will make me extremely uncomfortable but it is what i will do.

Yes, it doesn't mean anything. They are just the first words that came into my mind when i was looking for a nickname.

Aquilaruspante

Where are you based?

It seems to me your being too honest and up front too soon with the Girls your meeting, why tell them your only looking for casual and you dont want anything serious? It doesnt need to be said, they dont need to know that, take it at face value and follow your own agender.

UK women it seems are a lot less liberated than their continental sisters, there are society values they have been brought up to live to, although they may want to jump straight into bed with you (some do) they dont want to be seen as a slut.
If your telling them your not into relationships and not looking for anything heavy your putting them into a positon where they dont feel valued and just an object of sex so they are going to bolt.

In any sense that you have to, should, can, or whatever adjust to a person based on such a broad concept as nationality... No, don't be ridiculous.

If that would work on you, then you need to address that about yourself. If all I need to know about you is where you are from and then I can know how to treat you to get what I want from you etc, you are sleepwalking through life.

There isn't English girl game and French girl game and Russian girl game. Just like there isn't waitress game or school teacher game or coffee shop game or supermarket queue game. Unless you are going to a nation where girls aren't really allowed in bars and alcohol consumption in general is not common, women are totally oppressed and often aren't even allowed outside (e.g. Muslim countries) then there's no real difference... and if you meet a girl from one of those places in another country all of that goes away. But, if you go to one of those places trying to get laid, that's on you.

So, getting back to real nations that have decent higiene ... It's just as easy to fuck an Italian girl as it is to fuck any other nation girl. The chances she will want something long term are the same. Everything is the same.

If anyone has found it different, that was largely situational. You are English trying to fuck English girls all your life, they fuck English boys all their life. You aren't automatically special. A foreign is automatically special, that will sometimes mean they like you and sometimes they hate you or anything in between. But whatever it is, you are special in that situation. Second, one of you is most likely on holiday, a work trip or an immigrant. These situations make a difference, in the first two there's no guilt because no one will know (this is important to girls). In the first and last, they likely have some attraction to your country and culture which often includes an attraction to the men of that country and culture. Next up, there is likely a language barrier (even where you are both official fluent in each others language, it is never the same) so, if there's attraction, you can get away with verbal gaffes, silences are excused, you communicate more with looks and touches, if there isn't attraction all of that will be negative... so you aren't even being the same person you normally are when chatting a English girl. None of this has anything to do with continental girls being easier, which they aren't.

Whatever any of you think you have noticed about girls of different nations and their propensity to have a one night stand with you is built up from those and similar factors which will be negative or positive depending on the specific people and the moment, plus the fact that you've not had enough one night stands with enough girls from enough nations to have enough data to state that, especially given all those factors and more which none of you are taking into account... plus the fact that most of you sucked at getting laid for a good portion of your lives hence you are here.

Getting laid is largely about individuals, emotions and opportunities.


Peace,

kowalski

Thank you for your reply.

I am based in Nottingham.

Now I am messaging with a woman on Bumble. She clearly says on her bio she's got a child so she's looking for the right one. She's just asked me if I have ever dated a woman with a child and if I am good with children.
What am i supposed to reply? If she asks then this is important to her and I don't know what to say.

Speaking about culture, italy is a catholic country so for obvious reasons more resistant to progress in that sense. I can say it depends on the area and context as I have lived in many different places in Italy, usually the South is more traditional. But my impression is that this generation, especially in the north, wanted to break completely with tradition. Women from many point of view are more liberated in england, there are more women managers in england than in Italy and a woman can dress in whatever way she likes without getting too many stares and whistles here but also they are a lot more oriented towards looking like barbie, marry and making babies compared to their continental sisters. Which is not good nor bad but it has always looked like a contradiction to my eyes.
Also the context i am in now is different from the context i lived when I was in Italy and I have never used dating apps in Italy, but everything has always happened going out and meeting people.
Here apart from a short period in which I picked up girls in clubs i have used dating apps which makes it different.
But in any case I am used to a relaxed approach whereas here many women of my age or above 30 make me feel like they have got the objective to marry and that's the whole point of dating, which makes me anxious.
Being honest and upfront is the first thing i have learnt and where i come from it is the best thing you can do if those are your intentions. Every woman will accept to be in a non-serious relationship.
Probably it's me, my perception, i shouldn't be making a big deal of it and date them in any case.


But what am I supposed to reply to someone who asks if I'm good with children? Does she mean if I could be ready to be her child's dad? She asked "have you ever dated someone with a child? Are you good with children?". I seriously don't know what to reply.

Aquilaruspante,

Out of interest, are you only meeting women thru online and social circle/work? I would encourage you to at least try cold approaching, if you're not already doing so. It will open you up to a whole new pipeline.

It sounds like you're over-thinking things and going way too much into future projection. Whilst you can obviously joke about these sorts of things to women (and is a useful technique to seed future plans), I wouldn't get serious unless you're actually dating them.

Z

i just noticed your reply now @kowalski, i wasn't ignoring you on purpose.

What you say makes perfect sense if we speak about seduction. There might be slight differences even about that when we change the context but generally its rules are more or less constant.

The same doesn't apply to behaviours and which ones of them is acceptable or not. They change completely according to context. Many factors contribute to a context, like for example age, political ideas, the kind of people you hang out with, education, your past and last but absolutely not least culture.

To be honest from what I can tell based on my experience things are not just different here but an entire different planet and I'm not saying this depends just on culture but there are many are factors that makes a difference with the previous context like age or the fact that here I'm using dating apps which I never used in in italy.



To better understand each other I realize I have to be more clear cause from your replies I understand there has probably been a slight misunderstanding.

For the record I don't need to state soon that I'm not after anything serious but I do when (and that usually happens really soon) the conversation goes on that topic and I think it's only fair. I don't say "I'm only after sex" but rather "in this period I'd rather have something not too serious".

I think it's the case to bring some examples of real life facts that happened to me here and then compared to what happened to me in my previous life so we can understand each other better, then you can tell me if I have just been unlucky or if my experience here is the norm for all of you or if it is dating apps fault.

So these are some of the real life facts:

1) Last girl I macthed with on Bumble. 32 years old, on her bio said "I have a kid so I am after serious stuff". I thought "ok let's talk to her and see". After literally a caouple of days chatting she asked "have you ever dated anyone with a kid? are you good with kids?" and I replied, pretending I didn't understand "yes, I've done it and if you mean I'm ok with it when you ask if I'm good, yes I am". then she replied "no I was asking if you like to play with them, enjoy being a role model and stuff like that." and me "are you looking for a dad for you child? isn't it too early to ask about that? We haven't even met yet. I want to date normally and take things slowly as it should be and we could start talking about that only after it has became a serious relationship and we are planning to live together, anything before than that would be unfair to the kid as well". I replied only because i wanted too see where she wanted to take me, casue I understood her intentions really soon. however she replied that she was offended, cause the kid have a dad and she was only asking because the kid would have been around (can you imagine dating her with a kid around?). Yes, I'm sure that's what she meant.

2) A girl met on tinder on the first date asked me which religion did I belong to just in case we got married. ON THE FIRST DATE! Is it normal to think about marriage on a first date?

3) A collegue of mine in her early 20s was crying at work. When I asked why she replied that the guy she was dating started ghosting her after the 4th date and they talked about it and both wanted a serious relationship. COME ON!!!!! Very similar situation with another colleague, apparently it is very common that men start ghosting after a month long serious relationship here whereas in Italy the opposite is true, i.e. every relationship starts like a non serious one and some of them then evolve into a serious one but not all of them.

4) A friend of my friend was telling my friend how she was worried that she had problems with her boyfriend. They live together after 4 months dating and she was worried about a future together with these problems and how could have they have a family together. My anxiety when i was listening was growing to unprecedented levels in human history. Why do you live together with someone you know since 3 months and why are you even thinking about marriage so early and with a person you are obviously not compatible?

5) I work in a big hospital, one of the biggest in the UK and I have a lot of collegues from 20 to 60 years old. All the english are married or in a serious relationship and if they aren't it is a big problem that need to be fixed.

6) At work an italian collegue said she met her boyfriend on tinder and that at the beginning it wasn't meant to be anything serious. How refreshing those words sounded to me! And why i have never heard them coming from an english girl! i can't even imagine them coming from an English girl! They sounded like the most normal words to say because in our context that's the most normal thing to do and it doesn't mean you meet just for sex. it means you are both aware this is not evolving into something long term and you have not necessarily the exclusive on that person.

7) my housemate, italian 30 years old. He dates English women on tinder. He does what i don't want to do. He comes from a small town in italy and he says he's never met a woman who didn't want a serious relationship, so completely different context than me so he pretends he's after serious stuff then he dumps them. But even he who is used to it, complains some girls here want to rush too much into seriousness.

So to understand each other better these are a few examples to describe my normality here. If you think this is THE normality here not just my normality then I haven't been unlucky but just not compatible.

A few examples of real life facts of my previous life, when I lived in Italy:

1) A friend of mine. Woman. Italian. 33 years old. single. no children.
I was skyping with her last week and she said "I have been training so much over the last year for this competition I have that I haven't had time to meet anyone. As soon as I am done I will fuck the entire world (I can tell you she's not joking)".
2) a friend of mine. Woman. italian. 34 years old.
"I have got a flatmate which is so handsome in Barcelona. My sister came to visit me last week and she fucked him. Only that night tho and just cause he's handsome". She (my friend not her sister) told me as well that she was about to break up with her boyfriend cause there were too many problems. Meanwhile she slept with another man and since he apparently showed to be well intentioned after sex she might think about dating him. The way she said that showed that if the man would have been just after sex that would have been a ONS without any problem.
3) An italian woman, 30 years old hitting on me very hard for a month, after which since I wasn't doing anything, she asked if I wasn't interested. I clearly said I wasn't and she said "I am not necessarily asking for anything serious anyway".
Later we became friends and I introduced her to a man friend of man. They started a purely sexual relationship and she was bragging with me on how good she was to cause him an orgasm with her mouth whenever she wanted. At some point she broke up with him cause he told her this was pure hedonism and she felt like a slut (as you can see everyone as an anti-slut defense).
4) my flatmate one night fucked me and told me not to hope into anything more than that cause that was all she wanted.
5) An Italian 35 years old woman when I was 32 invited me at her place for dinner, we kissed and slept together. I said clearly I wasn't after anything serious and she said she didn't understood what was the problem. I kept sleeping with her for an year and a half asking her even for advice about other women I had affairs with.
6) female 30 friend of mine asks me to introduce her to my friend, man, 30 just cause she feels a partictular itchy about him. They started a sexual relationship that eventually evolved into something serious.


Both lists are a choice of random facts that describes my normality during my previous life and my normality here. The thing is that I keep meeting women that look like are not even interested in Eros, they just want to be married and buy blue stuff for the baby boys and pink stuff for the girls.

I wrote on this forum cause I need to compare my experience with yours and advice. Listing real life facts makes the problem more clear I hope and you can tell me whether I have just been unlucky or my normality here is everyone normality and in both cases you can give me advices on what to change or how to adapt.

I really find unethical giving false hopes to a girl i just want to fuck. It would make me feel so bad.


@Dr_Zed Mainly dating apps and maybe that's part of the problem. I have been approaching girls in clubs with some success for a period but for some reasons I only managed to sleep with one girl, a Greek one. Only one of the girls I picked up in clubs was English. I met her 3 times and never had sex even if on hour 3rd date we were at her place alone watching a film.

But I am interested in cold approach more than you can imagine. It has always been a dream to be able to approach the hot girl you see at work or at the store. I am used to think it's bad. that it is like harassing people but I'm sure that done in the right way it is ok. So I want to know everyhting about it and how you do it!

And yes, I am overthinking it and I can't help it cause I apparently keep bumping on the same kind of woman.
I matched with a brazilian girl last week, 33 years old , no kids and I had a completely different feeling.
We were just chatting and sending vocal messages in a very relaxed way and I didn't overthink anything cause of the vibe she was giving me. Cause she sounded and looked like just a girl who wanted to date. No silly questions like "what are you looking for" or "why are you single". So refreshing! Just chatting and we even planned for a coffe together. Shame she ghosted me!

Cheers to anyone who replied or just read and sorry if I'm a pain but that's a serious problem for me that doesn't make me live well.

And sorry if I take my time to reply but I need to think and find the words cause it is a bit confusing to me sometimes.

Aquilaruspante,

I'm only gonna respond to your response to my points as I don't like reading :P

Basically, I'd encourage at least a little daygame (and night if possible considering Covid) as it'll teach you to take any form of interaction with women less seriously.

For instance, you get a girl asking you about marriage on the first date. Rather than responding seriously, respond with some witty humourous thing for example (like "yeah sure but you're gonna have to earn the marriage rights first lol").

Find a wing in your area, and learn in person ;)

Z

Thank you for your reply @Dr_zed

I get what you mean and it is really appreciated. Probably I'm too concerned about theis thing and making of it a bigger deal than I should even if I am used to totally different stuff.

What would you have replied tho to a woman who asks you if you are good to be a role model for kids, cause she has a kid? i think she wouldn't have accepted a joke as a reply as she was serious.

However this thing of daygame really interests me but I have never had the courage to do it. it is a lot easier during the night in the clubs but in the street, in the stores, at the gym I don't know how to do it.
I am very interested into your experience. How do you do it? what's your hunting territory? How social distancing has affected it?

What would you have replied tho to a woman who asks you if you are good to be a role model for kids.......Man up and be direct, say what you mean. I would say, what sort of question is that? Are you asking if I would be a good Farther to your Child? Thats a bit too fast for me. By the way whats the situation with the Childs Farther? Then your going to have to act on your judgement of her reply.
If your not interested in getting involved with a woman with a child, tell her your not ready for a ready made family at the moment and move on.

As for the day game, If your not comfortable with cold approaching, use the situation approach, e.g. If she is in a book shop and you see her pick up a book, comment on that " Thats an interesting choice of book, although I know nothing about it" Blah! blah!
Just look for any situation you can comment on. Dont stay on the opening comment too long it will burn itself out, move on to another subject soon as possible to build rapport, then say.
"Well i have to go, but its been nice and interesting chatting i'd like to learn more. Get your phone out and tell her to put her number in, or if you feel bold fix a date on the spot.

Well this is the whole point of the discussion. I am used to be direct but it seems it doesn't work. What you suggested is exactly what I replied. I quote from my previous reply:

It seems that I have to take what girls say less seriously from the replies I am having so that's why I asked how do you take less seriously a girl that asks you how are you with kids or which religion you belong to in case we marry.
I seriously don't understand and I realize I haven't been understood. Probably i write too much.

What are your experience with girls here? have you ever had sex with or known a girl who says she enjoys sex just for sex sake without any further committment and she actively seek it or all the women you know have to be lied to if a man wants to have sex with them?

I only meet girls of the second type here whereas where I come from everyone was of the first type. This confuses and depresses me a lot and I don't know how to behave, that's why I am asking for advice.
It can be I have been unlucky, it can be that things are just different. That's why I need an external point of view.
How do you guys do to have sex?

"you don't have to say anything" is the reply I have gotten more often but it is impossible cause the conversation moves there always sooner or later and every time I said I wasn't ready for anything serious it ended there. Probably it is also dating apps fault. That's why I need your advice.

Would love to know your about your experiences.

What are you actually looking for? Long term relationship, friends with benefits or random Girls just for sex?

I'm looking for sex.
That's my most natural and basic need. All the rest comes after that. I might be open for something more serious after I have known a woman better but I am not looking for that. I am ok on my own, I am ok as a single.

My last experience with an English girl met on tinder:

We went for a drink, it was a couple of nice hours and after that I asked to meet again.

She said she wasn't sure there was a spark or whether she wanted to be my girlfriend so to not waste my time she was telling me to not expect any romantic development and if that was OK with me and I was OK not to date other women we could have met again.

I replied I appreciated her honesty and that I wasn't expecting anything romantic cause I wanted to let things evolve gradually. I was not sure as well if I wanted her to be my girlfriend.

She replied "do you mean you want to be friend for a period whilst we know each other? Is that what you do in your culture?"

I said "no! In my culture we date cause we're attracted to each other and we have sex. After a period of knowing each other we decide if to go romantic".

She replied "do you mean we should have just sex?"

I said "no, I want to know you in the process".

She didn't understand and we ended the conversation cause we were confusing each other.

It seems there were only 2 options: being her boyfriend or her friend and all this after only the first date.

This is what I don't understand and it is making me go crazy. Can anyone help me decipher that?

Am I just being unlucky or is this the norm here? Am I just stupid? I don't just get what to say or what to do and this is going on since the first day I arrived here.

For the record she ghosted me after this conversation.

It’s not them, it’s you. You aren’t being authentic, you are blaming the other and you aren’t taking on advice.


Peace,

kowalski

That's a possibility and that's why I'm asking for advice. I would be grateful to know how it is my fault.

In which way? I would be grateful to know as well.

I am indeed but I am very open to be criticised.

The only advices I got were

1) don't tell my real intentions woman cause she will feel treated as a slut.

I replied with some examples of situations happened to me and asked how to apply this advice on those situations. I had no reply.

2) try more day game

I actually consider this interesting and I would like to learn.

Now I realize probably my post is full of negativity, long and boring but I didn't mean to be such a pain in the **s.

The thing is I'm struggling and I don't see solutions and the negativity you can see reflects what I have inside.

I understand it's difficult to understand exactly what I am asking for. That's why I listed examples of real situations that happened to me and I asked precise questions like have I been unlucky or is that normality? Probably it's me but telling me just that it's not helpful at all as I am here to learn.

I have honestly been feeling ridiculous through this thread and it took a huge effort to ask for help. A effort in humility and integrity cause no matter how ridiculous that's my reality, that's what my eyes see and I would love some help in opening them if the problem is in my eyes.

Authenticity. For example, you said:
-I'm looking for sex... I might be open for something more serious after... but I am not looking for that

So why meet this girl?:
-her bio said "I have a kid so I am after serious stuff"


And if you were being authentic none of this could have happened:

-...it was... nice... I asked to meet again. She said she wasn't sure there was a spark or whether she wanted to be my girlfriend... and if...I was OK not to date other women we could have met again.


Peace,

kowalski

The whole thread is about this:

I am used to be honest about my intentions but it seems not to work since I'm here. My problem is that all the girls are after serious stuff here so I have been advised to take them less seriously and that's the only reason why I was messaging this girl.
I am trying the best I can to take them less seriously and this thing goes against my ethics at all. I'm doing it cause I understand I need to adapt and I have been advised so. So don't call me inauthentic cause this is actually the reason why I started the thread and you have to put what I say into context

Honestly I don't understand what you mean there.

“All the girls are after serious stuff here”. No they aren’t. What a retarded thing to say. Are you that dumb or are you just playing dumb?

If you are after sex and being authentic: How was the date “nice”? How is it left for her to tell you there was no spark? Why would she be using the word girlfriend? And how would she be left with the impression that she can dictate to you how you live?

None of that is possible.


Peace,

kowalski

Probably is more dumb of you taking that sentence for its literal meaning as an absolute assumption than of me to write it.
Come on mate! Of course not all of them are.
That I haven't found any sex since I've been living here is a fact tho (and the reason why is because they wanted me to sort of show some commitment or good intentions before) , apart 2 brief experiences with a Belgian and a Greek girl and I don't know how else to express that besides "all girls are after serious stuff here"

Aa I said it could be also dating apps fault as I'm not used to use them. It could be that an Italian only attracts those kind of women cause everyone says here that we are romantic and family oriented. It could be a lot of things.

That's why I was asking for advise but, not sure why, asking here was probably the wrong way to do it or maybe I have asked in the wrong way. Probably the thread is too generic, it doesn't mean anything and I get what you mean, it is willingly a broad generalisation meant mainly to bring up a discussion rather than a firm, static idea of things but it reflects a real struggle tho (retarded or not I'm taking about facts) . It was better if I asked for opinions about single specific situations maybe. I asked the admin to remove the thread if possible.



Didn't understand a word.

No, the retarded thing is you communicating like that. They are your words, they are your thoughts. Pick them better. If you speak like that, you think like that. Which you clearly do, because that is the whole thrust of this thread. It is all about the problem with English girls when it comes to one night stands or being fuck buddies etc.

Well that problem doesn’t exist... and we all personally know it doesn’t exist from our personal experiences and it statistically can be demonstrated not to exist too (check out the yougov survey for example in which being unfaithful, sex in public and one night stands are all higher for uk than Italy).

So, stop with all this nonsense.

The problem is you.

And that’s a good thing because you have more control over you than you have over the external world and especially those parts of the external world that are other people.

You took a few shitty experiences caused by you, turned them into a huge assumption about “English girls“ (like that is even a useful categorisation) and, apparently, completely modified your behaviour to create a feedback loop that your negative and false theory can gorge itself upon.


As for the date: if you want to fuck and you are being authentic you’d be trying to fuck. If you we’re trying to fuck there be no question of whether there was a spark or not because she would have either reciprocated or rejected you. And it wouldn’t have been a nice couple of hours, it would have either gone well or gone badly. And there’s no way she’d be talking about being your girlfriend or not and she wouldn’t dare to suggest you don’t date other girls... whilst also not actually dating her.

But sure, just reply that you don’t understand what I’m saying again. Stay dumb, kiddo.


Peace,

kowalski

Well, yes they are my thoughts and whilst it is stupid to think I really mean ALL English girls are like that they are my thoughts about the average English girl.
These thoughts originates from my experiences and from experiences of people I know and from what I see amongst the big amount of colleagues I have.
In 4 years I still have to bump into a girl who wants to fuck someone just for fun or a girl who dates someone not with a serious aim. (Actually I've seen them but only when they're really young, like I'm their early 20s which is too young for me) .
I have been having problems finding sex and these can be due to many different reasons, in my perception of the things is mainly cause I'm used to different stuff.

I'm here tho to ask for advise to people who have more experience than me with them and I am not here just to complain but to change something. The only thing that can be changed is my approach so, even if I'm complaining about them, I'm taking full responsibility for that.
I talk about my experiences cause I want someone to tell me they are just bad experiences, not the norm. Or if they are the norm I'd like to know how to adapt.

So of course it's me at the end of the day, not them.

When I go to a date I do what I feel and I didn't feel like kissing her or inviting her to my place. The atmosphere wasn't that one speaking about that date. I had friends with benefit in the past which I didn't fuck the first time I met and I don't see what you mean. If I meet a person I interact with her and see where interaction leads us. I am open to whatever.
Also I have been advised on this forum to not say clearly my intentions, to say I want to date and see where it leads us and now you're saying the opposite.

You have your experiences which I respect and actually I've been asking for them, I've been asking you to tell me your experiences and how it works for you and that's why I listed some of my experiences. I'm not here to disregard them but I've been insisting to know them.

It could be whatever even the negative loop you mentioned but I'm here cause for me it's a real problem. I didn't mean to say anything offensive or to insult anyone but I've been insulted cause what I say is dumb.
It is dumb but what I see, my experiences here are the aforementioned ones so I don't care if it's dumb.
I'm here cause I want someone to change my mind and I like doing it proposing an extreme thesis you have to debunk. I know there is what I'm looking for somewhere, I'm only asking for tips on how to get there negating the existence of that place cause I want you to prove me it exist.

I have still to meet an English girl, personally or indirectly (friends experience) who has not to make sure you have serious intentions before opening her legs. Who cares if it is dumb, it is the damn reality of what I see. Prove me I'm wrong with your experience, I'm not asking for anything more. I value your experience as I said but you still keep it and your advises for yourself.
I understood I'm dumb but I don't care. I want to know what to do.

I say it again: I'm used to fuck girls first, all the problems, all the questions come after a while I fuck them. I'm used to say honestly and clearly I'm not after any commitment if I'm not and it's never been a problem if a girl likes me. Often I had girls throwing themselves on me and telling me not to expect anymore than sex.

Then I arrived here and I am afraid to talk too much cause a wrong word could get me blocked on WhatsApp. And I mean literally. I have been advised not to say anything clearly and not to be too honest so I've been trying that but it is only leading to frustration.

So dear kowalski you can tell me again I'm dumb but it doesn't change the reality of things. You could tell me what you do instead and I don't care about any survey but only what I see. Also a survey that is called yougov sounds like something belonging to UK government which of course will have loads of data from Italy.

I know it is possible to have sex without commitment, I'm asking you advises on how to get there. I'm here to learn from the beginning with humility. So enlighten me with your experience.

My replies have been written under the influence of frustration but I'm not here to complain for the sake of complaining. I'm here to put my thoughts, my perceptions, my behaviours and approaches on the table for discussion as I stated many times as well as for understanding the girls behaviours.I'm not her to blame the others.

Peace

Edit: I wanted to attach screenshot of a conversation (with personal details cropped off ofc) I had just to show what I'm talking about and ask for advise but for some reason the button to attach files doesn't work. Can anyone help me with that?

Ok. First thing...

You keep spiralling back to this idea that is hindering you. Your externalising of blame is intense. Whatever is offered you reject. I wrote a multi threaded comment, my first one, about how it has nothing to do with English girls, you dismissed all that in a sentence or two without addressing any of it and then wrote a long ass post reinforcing to yourself your incorrect conclusions. In a later comment I wrote that I and others here and, one can extrapolate, our friends having lived all our lives in the UK have our experiences of English girls that disprove your conclusion and I brought up a survey, both dismissed off hand.

I don't care much about the survey results, nor our anecdotes, nor the stuff I wrote disputing the relevance of culture. They are just different attempts to present you with something that you could use to begin to lift you from that incorrect conclusion. Your continued dismissal of anything that doesn't agree is so similar to what religious people do when you give them evidence or argument against their retarded beliefs.

Accept one of them, accept all of them, find something for yourself that you are willing to accept, or just decide that you are wrong. It does not matter what the method is. You are wrong about English girls and it is truly a limiting belief for you. You need to decide which it is... and only one way gives you the opportunity to look at the problem anew and from a position where you have the potential to solve it. You need to stop thinking and talking like that.

Here's another thing I already presented that you could choose to accept (especially seeing as it is a fact)... Your theory is based on a categorisation that does not exist, therefore it cannot be true. For something to be a category it has to be reducible.

English girls is not a category.

Single moms, 30s, looking for a substitute daddy is a category.



The attach files thing might not work nowadays. I think you can load an image to an image thing online and drop the img URL between IMG tags. That should work.

Peace,

kowalski

Great reading all these replies. I feel for the OP as I've been through a similar experience.

Firstly, I always assume that you are putting yourself first? That means fitness, fashion, cultured, career, etc. Otherwise you are just swimming around the bottom of the barrel and you will never met that perfect girl. And if you do, you are just lucky and she will drop you when she meets someone who does put themself first.

Personally, white girls don't interest me, as another person said, they can be pretty but y toxic feminist bullshit that even when proved wrong, they won't believe it. Thankfully, women are getting tired of this shit and smart girls don't call themselves feminists anymore. I always test them in the first 30 minutes of date to test the water.

But why english girls?? white pasty skin is just yuck! Olive skinned latinas are so friendly, sexy and hot. Why?? Seriously, I see that as your major problem, no offense ;)

Personally, like the previous poster mentioned, I like Oriental girls. I'll give you an example why. Same test, different results. I ask an english girl whats she's up to, she says 'going food shopping', I say cheekily 'so what you gonna cook me'. Game over. Same thing with a Chinese girls (given, there was more attraction and i spoke to her longer) and she was falling over herself with ideas of what she would cook for me (but I would probably have to buy the ingredients, these mainlanders are smart!).

Aaanyway, daygame is where it at. If you think it's creepy then you need to stop being paranoid, or maybe you are not ready mentally? A LOT of girls love being stopped if the guy is their type (or now, even close!) For the girls that reject you, think karma, if you are decent guy then this girls is picky. She is doomed to marry a Chad who will bow to her frame and get beta'd. Daygame (in places of high value) and social circles are the best way to meet quality women (inc. white girls).

Also, I think right now, even me sometimes, we are doom thinking because we can't get out there. But this will pass, stay strong, put yourself first and work on yourself. Because seriously, when the smoke clears and you are stopping that 8 with your fit body/clean haircut/tight henley tshirt/big smile, she is going to want to talk to you. All the tubby, dating app reliant fucktards will be crying into their bag of maltesers. It's going to be awesome.

Absolutely agree with you. That fake posh english accent. Can't. Just. can't.

I met this Chinese girl on the street in Notting Hill once. I'm probably remembering it with a bit of bias but she was like an angel in a sea of trolls. 5'4'', yellow summer dress, long long black hair, pink vans. I swear, if I didn't talk to her I would have died. She spoke very little english, we talked through app. She was just happy on the inside (which was all the more strange as her life was actually quite tragic) and she glowed. I call her my angel. She was really girly which was such a turn on. Best BJ in my life, seriously. But she went back to China, cannot wait till she gets back later this year.

I speak Japanese so asian culture interests me. I learnt so much from her (that Mandarin is hard for a start). Compared to 90% of western girls I've meet, she destroys them all. All 165cm of her.

The painful thing I realized is that you HAVE TO speak their language if you ever want to marry. Otherwise there is a very small chance of success. So that's why I go for Canto chinese/philos/thai/singaporean/shanghai girls as they usually speak amazing english.

But, yeah, I'm glad I see through this feminist bullshit now (datascience ftw!) and ignore these brainwashed twats.

Yeah "in places of high value" is the part which is polarising. Women don't like it when nervous dudes or retarded-looking guys approach them. Been there myself (my mood fluctuates a lot), as well as just looking at the videos from First Person Approacher where his anxiety clearly sabotages any hope of getting a good result.

But... every guy has to start somewhere.

This is why you need to start with yourself first. You need to value yourself so that every girl is perceived is at least a medium value. She has to prove herself to you. If you are a shmuck and you know it then it doesn't matter how many girls you talk to, you will always feel inferior and nervous. Brute forcing it just will not work. Be. Better.

I found out pretty quickly about this mindset, by accident actually. As part of building myself up I visit museums, art galleries, etc as I'm in the entertainment industry. I do this anyway. One day, I was in a museum and had this idea. I did the idea and it has worked like a charm to meet the type of girls I like. Basically smart non-white girls who dig art and are feminine. These girls are smart and interesting. I'll give an example because stories are inspiring and I want to give you guys an example of meeting high value girls in high value areas.

I was in a museum and saw this girl. Chinese, westernised (but not too much), herringbone midi/white shirt/flats (learn about fashion guys, it's easy), tall (170cm), slim, shoulder length black hair DING DING!. She was in a paid exhibition so that tells me she's really into it. I didn't know much about the exhibition so was looking for a guide. So, I get her to notice me (one of the only guys in there so not hard), then I start chatting with some older ladies to get some social cred. I can tell she notices me as at one point she's standing right behind me and I almost bump into her as I turn around. I pretend I am noticing her for the first time and give her eye contact and a smile. We spend the next 10 minutes chasing each other. I compliment another girl on her hairstyle (50's style bob) and chat for a bit. Then I just walk over to her and say 'Hi. I just wanted to say Hi :) I really like your style...' And the rest is history.

Why am I telling you this? I want you to ignore English girls. Yes, fuck them if that's your thing but they are abundant in the UK, not special at all. Girls who come here from another country are brave. Could you do that? Move to another country? Alone? Learn a new language? It's hard. If you have, then dude, you are a brave motherfucker who deserves better than average pussy.

Also, you see how I knew about fashion? I did this because I like fashion and also because I like girls who like fashion (she was a fashion journalist). I purposely gained that knowledge to better myself and to meet better girls.

If I didn't know anything about fashion, I would have looked like a fish out of water.

Hmm, this has kind of gone off topic so I'll finish with this. The OP wanted advice on how to meet English girls. Easy, Day/nightgame in London. How? Decide what type of girls you like and learn about what they like (art, music, film, books, etc). I assume because you like girls who like these subjects that you are also interested in these subjects, so learn about them. Then, put your Sherlock hat on, light up the pipe and figure out where these girls are. Summers coming so do it now. My list is:

- Cafes in museum
- Museum exhibitions
- Art galleries (esp. private viewings)
- Book readings (for books I have read, authors I like)
- College areas
- Department stores (food court in Selfridges)
- Bars in hip areas (Shoreditch, Angel, Deptford, etc)
- High streets (Kings road is great in Summer, also Primrose Hill for park pick up)

I'd encourage you to learn about fashion as there's nothing like approaching a girl authentically and saying 'I love your style, nobody dresses like that anymore'. or 'I love it when a girl wears a maxi, it means you have great legs but are shy'. Just as you have bettered yourself, she has too by considering her fashion. She does that to visual shit test all the men who complement her. Be that special guy who knows what he is talking about.

Anyway, hope that helps a bit.

Pm'd you. Would love to know about places in Shenzhen/Hong Kong. Will trade you places in Tokyo :D

By the way way there is an article about picking up women here in England from a couple of years ago! It seems very negative towards the PUA scene though. But that shows what English attitudes are like. Because in England it is very rare to talk to strangers of the opposite sex outside of a social setting. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...eet-harassment

I think that most English girls are a lot harder to game than most foreign girls! Here in London I seem to find foreign women including Americans and Austrailians far more friendly than English women when I approach them.

What about in bars and pubs and clubs?