My last experience with an English girl met on tinder:

We went for a drink, it was a couple of nice hours and after that I asked to meet again.

She said she wasn't sure there was a spark or whether she wanted to be my girlfriend so to not waste my time she was telling me to not expect any romantic development and if that was OK with me and I was OK not to date other women we could have met again.

I replied I appreciated her honesty and that I wasn't expecting anything romantic cause I wanted to let things evolve gradually. I was not sure as well if I wanted her to be my girlfriend.

She replied "do you mean you want to be friend for a period whilst we know each other? Is that what you do in your culture?"

I said "no! In my culture we date cause we're attracted to each other and we have sex. After a period of knowing each other we decide if to go romantic".

She replied "do you mean we should have just sex?"

I said "no, I want to know you in the process".

She didn't understand and we ended the conversation cause we were confusing each other.

It seems there were only 2 options: being her boyfriend or her friend and all this after only the first date.

This is what I don't understand and it is making me go crazy. Can anyone help me decipher that?

Am I just being unlucky or is this the norm here? Am I just stupid? I don't just get what to say or what to do and this is going on since the first day I arrived here.

For the record she ghosted me after this conversation.

It’s not them, it’s you. You aren’t being authentic, you are blaming the other and you aren’t taking on advice.


Peace,

kowalski

That's a possibility and that's why I'm asking for advice. I would be grateful to know how it is my fault.

In which way? I would be grateful to know as well.

I am indeed but I am very open to be criticised.

The only advices I got were

1) don't tell my real intentions woman cause she will feel treated as a slut.

I replied with some examples of situations happened to me and asked how to apply this advice on those situations. I had no reply.

2) try more day game

I actually consider this interesting and I would like to learn.

Now I realize probably my post is full of negativity, long and boring but I didn't mean to be such a pain in the **s.

The thing is I'm struggling and I don't see solutions and the negativity you can see reflects what I have inside.

I understand it's difficult to understand exactly what I am asking for. That's why I listed examples of real situations that happened to me and I asked precise questions like have I been unlucky or is that normality? Probably it's me but telling me just that it's not helpful at all as I am here to learn.

I have honestly been feeling ridiculous through this thread and it took a huge effort to ask for help. A effort in humility and integrity cause no matter how ridiculous that's my reality, that's what my eyes see and I would love some help in opening them if the problem is in my eyes.

Authenticity. For example, you said:
-I'm looking for sex... I might be open for something more serious after... but I am not looking for that

So why meet this girl?:
-her bio said "I have a kid so I am after serious stuff"


And if you were being authentic none of this could have happened:

-...it was... nice... I asked to meet again. She said she wasn't sure there was a spark or whether she wanted to be my girlfriend... and if...I was OK not to date other women we could have met again.


Peace,

kowalski

The whole thread is about this:

I am used to be honest about my intentions but it seems not to work since I'm here. My problem is that all the girls are after serious stuff here so I have been advised to take them less seriously and that's the only reason why I was messaging this girl.
I am trying the best I can to take them less seriously and this thing goes against my ethics at all. I'm doing it cause I understand I need to adapt and I have been advised so. So don't call me inauthentic cause this is actually the reason why I started the thread and you have to put what I say into context

Honestly I don't understand what you mean there.

“All the girls are after serious stuff here”. No they aren’t. What a retarded thing to say. Are you that dumb or are you just playing dumb?

If you are after sex and being authentic: How was the date “nice”? How is it left for her to tell you there was no spark? Why would she be using the word girlfriend? And how would she be left with the impression that she can dictate to you how you live?

None of that is possible.


Peace,

kowalski

Probably is more dumb of you taking that sentence for its literal meaning as an absolute assumption than of me to write it.
Come on mate! Of course not all of them are.
That I haven't found any sex since I've been living here is a fact tho (and the reason why is because they wanted me to sort of show some commitment or good intentions before) , apart 2 brief experiences with a Belgian and a Greek girl and I don't know how else to express that besides "all girls are after serious stuff here"

Aa I said it could be also dating apps fault as I'm not used to use them. It could be that an Italian only attracts those kind of women cause everyone says here that we are romantic and family oriented. It could be a lot of things.

That's why I was asking for advise but, not sure why, asking here was probably the wrong way to do it or maybe I have asked in the wrong way. Probably the thread is too generic, it doesn't mean anything and I get what you mean, it is willingly a broad generalisation meant mainly to bring up a discussion rather than a firm, static idea of things but it reflects a real struggle tho (retarded or not I'm taking about facts) . It was better if I asked for opinions about single specific situations maybe. I asked the admin to remove the thread if possible.



Didn't understand a word.

No, the retarded thing is you communicating like that. They are your words, they are your thoughts. Pick them better. If you speak like that, you think like that. Which you clearly do, because that is the whole thrust of this thread. It is all about the problem with English girls when it comes to one night stands or being fuck buddies etc.

Well that problem doesn’t exist... and we all personally know it doesn’t exist from our personal experiences and it statistically can be demonstrated not to exist too (check out the yougov survey for example in which being unfaithful, sex in public and one night stands are all higher for uk than Italy).

So, stop with all this nonsense.

The problem is you.

And that’s a good thing because you have more control over you than you have over the external world and especially those parts of the external world that are other people.

You took a few shitty experiences caused by you, turned them into a huge assumption about “English girls“ (like that is even a useful categorisation) and, apparently, completely modified your behaviour to create a feedback loop that your negative and false theory can gorge itself upon.


As for the date: if you want to fuck and you are being authentic you’d be trying to fuck. If you we’re trying to fuck there be no question of whether there was a spark or not because she would have either reciprocated or rejected you. And it wouldn’t have been a nice couple of hours, it would have either gone well or gone badly. And there’s no way she’d be talking about being your girlfriend or not and she wouldn’t dare to suggest you don’t date other girls... whilst also not actually dating her.

But sure, just reply that you don’t understand what I’m saying again. Stay dumb, kiddo.


Peace,

kowalski

Well, yes they are my thoughts and whilst it is stupid to think I really mean ALL English girls are like that they are my thoughts about the average English girl.
These thoughts originates from my experiences and from experiences of people I know and from what I see amongst the big amount of colleagues I have.
In 4 years I still have to bump into a girl who wants to fuck someone just for fun or a girl who dates someone not with a serious aim. (Actually I've seen them but only when they're really young, like I'm their early 20s which is too young for me) .
I have been having problems finding sex and these can be due to many different reasons, in my perception of the things is mainly cause I'm used to different stuff.

I'm here tho to ask for advise to people who have more experience than me with them and I am not here just to complain but to change something. The only thing that can be changed is my approach so, even if I'm complaining about them, I'm taking full responsibility for that.
I talk about my experiences cause I want someone to tell me they are just bad experiences, not the norm. Or if they are the norm I'd like to know how to adapt.

So of course it's me at the end of the day, not them.

When I go to a date I do what I feel and I didn't feel like kissing her or inviting her to my place. The atmosphere wasn't that one speaking about that date. I had friends with benefit in the past which I didn't fuck the first time I met and I don't see what you mean. If I meet a person I interact with her and see where interaction leads us. I am open to whatever.
Also I have been advised on this forum to not say clearly my intentions, to say I want to date and see where it leads us and now you're saying the opposite.

You have your experiences which I respect and actually I've been asking for them, I've been asking you to tell me your experiences and how it works for you and that's why I listed some of my experiences. I'm not here to disregard them but I've been insisting to know them.

It could be whatever even the negative loop you mentioned but I'm here cause for me it's a real problem. I didn't mean to say anything offensive or to insult anyone but I've been insulted cause what I say is dumb.
It is dumb but what I see, my experiences here are the aforementioned ones so I don't care if it's dumb.
I'm here cause I want someone to change my mind and I like doing it proposing an extreme thesis you have to debunk. I know there is what I'm looking for somewhere, I'm only asking for tips on how to get there negating the existence of that place cause I want you to prove me it exist.

I have still to meet an English girl, personally or indirectly (friends experience) who has not to make sure you have serious intentions before opening her legs. Who cares if it is dumb, it is the damn reality of what I see. Prove me I'm wrong with your experience, I'm not asking for anything more. I value your experience as I said but you still keep it and your advises for yourself.
I understood I'm dumb but I don't care. I want to know what to do.

I say it again: I'm used to fuck girls first, all the problems, all the questions come after a while I fuck them. I'm used to say honestly and clearly I'm not after any commitment if I'm not and it's never been a problem if a girl likes me. Often I had girls throwing themselves on me and telling me not to expect anymore than sex.

Then I arrived here and I am afraid to talk too much cause a wrong word could get me blocked on WhatsApp. And I mean literally. I have been advised not to say anything clearly and not to be too honest so I've been trying that but it is only leading to frustration.

So dear kowalski you can tell me again I'm dumb but it doesn't change the reality of things. You could tell me what you do instead and I don't care about any survey but only what I see. Also a survey that is called yougov sounds like something belonging to UK government which of course will have loads of data from Italy.

I know it is possible to have sex without commitment, I'm asking you advises on how to get there. I'm here to learn from the beginning with humility. So enlighten me with your experience.

My replies have been written under the influence of frustration but I'm not here to complain for the sake of complaining. I'm here to put my thoughts, my perceptions, my behaviours and approaches on the table for discussion as I stated many times as well as for understanding the girls behaviours.I'm not her to blame the others.

Peace

Edit: I wanted to attach screenshot of a conversation (with personal details cropped off ofc) I had just to show what I'm talking about and ask for advise but for some reason the button to attach files doesn't work. Can anyone help me with that?

Ok. First thing...

You keep spiralling back to this idea that is hindering you. Your externalising of blame is intense. Whatever is offered you reject. I wrote a multi threaded comment, my first one, about how it has nothing to do with English girls, you dismissed all that in a sentence or two without addressing any of it and then wrote a long ass post reinforcing to yourself your incorrect conclusions. In a later comment I wrote that I and others here and, one can extrapolate, our friends having lived all our lives in the UK have our experiences of English girls that disprove your conclusion and I brought up a survey, both dismissed off hand.

I don't care much about the survey results, nor our anecdotes, nor the stuff I wrote disputing the relevance of culture. They are just different attempts to present you with something that you could use to begin to lift you from that incorrect conclusion. Your continued dismissal of anything that doesn't agree is so similar to what religious people do when you give them evidence or argument against their retarded beliefs.

Accept one of them, accept all of them, find something for yourself that you are willing to accept, or just decide that you are wrong. It does not matter what the method is. You are wrong about English girls and it is truly a limiting belief for you. You need to decide which it is... and only one way gives you the opportunity to look at the problem anew and from a position where you have the potential to solve it. You need to stop thinking and talking like that.

Here's another thing I already presented that you could choose to accept (especially seeing as it is a fact)... Your theory is based on a categorisation that does not exist, therefore it cannot be true. For something to be a category it has to be reducible.

English girls is not a category.

Single moms, 30s, looking for a substitute daddy is a category.



The attach files thing might not work nowadays. I think you can load an image to an image thing online and drop the img URL between IMG tags. That should work.

Peace,

kowalski