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Default harsh rejection .... it hurts - 01-04-2019, 08:09 PM

So it was a nice sunny day last Thursday so I decided to go for a walk on my lunch break.

I saw a beautiful, elegant looking girl about to cross the road next to me. As soon as we crossed the road I managed to find the courage to approach, it was on the lines of:

"excuse me.... i just want to say i think you look nice today".... or something like that.... i got a mumbled "thanks" back..

Whilst i felt uncomfortable i tried to chat to her whilst walking so asked "what are you up to"... she said she was working..... so i asked "so what do you do"

... and wow... a very cold reaction . She basically said "i don't know you so i don't really want to talk to you". Really rude and she looked annoyed that i complimented / approached.

I was a bit shocked as not had that kind of reaction before, and I just said something like "ok i was only trying to be friendly, but that's fine, have a good day".

In honesty she was the hottest girl I've approached in the day time yet (am a beginner)... but just because if girls are very hot, i wouldn;t expect a reaction so bad. Now i feel quite hurt and its made me even more scared to approach other women..... like today I wanted to approach a girl in the supermarket, but couldn't begin to do it cuz of what happened last week.

Guys, is this a normal part of approaching? or do these kind of rejections happen often or just on rare occasions. Is there anything you think I couldv'e done better? Any ideas on how to feel better?

Thanks in advance.
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(#2)
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HaveACuppaTea's Avatar
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Default 01-04-2019, 09:28 PM

That's daygame! Get used to the rejections. Firstly, give yourself credit, you faced your fear and went over and approached her, daygame is hard, that's why most guys don't do it. You have to crush your ego and in time you won't care about the rejections. Most importantly, learn to enjoy talking to beautiful women, regardless of the outcome. Judging by what you said happened, it seemed a little uncalibrated. You need to learn to become comfortable in the uncomfortableness, and you can only do that through a lot more practice. I would direct you to Tom Torero's Beginner's Guide to Daygame on Youtube, that will give you some structure to get started with. And to give you an idea of the kind of work you may have to put in, Nick Krauser (A well known daygamer) had to do around 1000 approaches before he got laid from a daygame approach.
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MASTER PUA
 
Default 01-04-2019, 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kerplunk View Post

Whilst i felt uncomfortable i tried to chat to her whilst walking so asked "what are you up to"... she said she was working..... so i asked "so what do you do"

... and wow... a very cold reaction . She basically said "i don't know you so i don't really want to talk to you". Really rude and she looked annoyed that i complimented / approached.
This made me giggle a little. Let me tell you why in the most simple way possible..

Would you think it was a little strange if a person you don't know came up to you in the street and was like..

"Who are you? What do you do? Where are you from? What's your name? Where are you going? Are you a student? What do you study? Do you like it here?

I know you didn't ask all these, but this is commonly what happens and yes, I'm guilty of having done this too.

Until I long ago had a realisation that nobody wants to be bombarded with questions from a person they don't even know.

It's easy to get carried away in the asking questions thing because you're nervous and excited, but simply turning questions into statements would be a good place to start.


If it doesn't evolve me it doesn't involve me
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Default 02-04-2019, 08:37 PM

thanks for your comments guys and i take it on board.... i am realising that you have to learn to toughen up a bit when it comes to rejections and not take it personally. i do understand what you say about making statements rather than questions, but in the moment i just lost my mind didn't know what to say... so maybe saying something like "you look like a solicitor?" might have been better?? this is sooo difficult but i hope it's something i can eventually crack !
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Default 07-04-2019, 12:32 AM

I think they're known as questions of doom.
Sometimes, the situation just isn't right for the girl to stop, not every approach is going to end well. That's the excitement of it. If you get back on the horse, keep approaching, get some number closes, or at least positive feedback, it will boost your confidence again.
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Default 28-04-2019, 10:34 PM

Her mood probably just wasn't right at the time. You came over she wasn't feeling it and just wanted you away. Women are driven alot by thier moods, you may of seen her in a bar with her friends and walk over quickly into a lay.

The point is you can't always control the outcome.

I know deep down you feel bloody hurt, you'll feel low and not good enough, unattractive even it does hurt but it won't be long till you get success.

Work on confidence, be cocky funny you want them to laugh. You don't want to sound like interview. "What do you do?" I personally never ask this question as it's boring and you'll invoke boring replies. Maybe ask more about thier plans that weekend or something, conversation isn't an easy skill it used to be my weak point.

Hope you have success soon
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Default 29-04-2019, 07:53 PM

hi, thank you for your response... you have summed up exactly how i was feeling at the time.

you are right, it should be like "imagining talking to a mate" , but it really is not simple when it's a girl you find attractive!!

i want to keep approaching but something keeps holding me back... be great if i had one of you guys to wing with !!

i will try again if i can.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony Williams View Post
Her mood probably just wasn't right at the time. You came over she wasn't feeling it and just wanted you away. Women are driven alot by thier moods, you may of seen her in a bar with her friends and walk over quickly into a lay.

The point is you can't always control the outcome.

I know deep down you feel bloody hurt, you'll feel low and not good enough, unattractive even it does hurt but it won't be long till you get success.

Work on confidence, be cocky funny you want them to laugh. You don't want to sound like interview. "What do you do?" I personally never ask this question as it's boring and you'll invoke boring replies. Maybe ask more about thier plans that weekend or something, conversation isn't an easy skill it used to be my weak point.

Hope you have success soon
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Default 29-04-2019, 07:54 PM

thank you... i do realise that now, just at the time it;s the first thing that came into my head... i will bear what you say in mind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonn View Post
I think they're known as questions of doom.
Sometimes, the situation just isn't right for the girl to stop, not every approach is going to end well. That's the excitement of it. If you get back on the horse, keep approaching, get some number closes, or at least positive feedback, it will boost your confidence again.
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Default 30-04-2019, 08:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dan300 View Post
It's easy to get carried away in the asking questions thing because you're nervous and excited, but simply turning questions into statements would be a good place to start.
Yup, I'd second that. Easier to crack jokes with.
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MASTER PUA
 
Default 30-04-2019, 02:31 PM

Hey dude, I understand totally! Even the best guys get bad reactions, all you have to do is go to youtube and you'll find them.

I've probably had worst reactions than that and you're just a newbie. As long as you keep going and learning from your mistakes you will get better.

It could be she was just in a bad mood or felt uncomfortable because to her the conversation seemed a little wierd but don't take it personally as she doesn't know you.

I would say, try working on your observation skills, have some notes prepared for when you get stuck and don't take things so serious, find the fun in it! Be social, go out and just talk to people in general. One of the best ways to warm up is talking to people working in shops, especially girls!

Don't take her reaction too personal because maybe she had received some bad news or something happened to her. Think of a time when you weren't in the mood to talk, were you cold? Even if I'm not in the mood to talk to a stranger I'll usually give one word answers unless that person is fun and interesting.

Don't beat yourself up! You did what 99% of other guys don't do! Listen my friend I've had women shout at me, threaten to call the cops, telling me they think its weird and to go away! I admit those times I probably wasn't in the best of states and it probably showed. Remember whatever you feel the girl feels!

Try some meditation, treat it like its no big deal! A hot woman is like any other woman. She shits and pisses like any other human being!

I remember I endeed up fucking a girl I had approached before. I didn;t even remember but I re approached her without realising and she told me I had spoken to her before and that she had been in a bad mood when I first met her and was glad I approached her again.

You cannot allow one person to affect your reality because this girl will not even give it a moments thought! She will just move on with her life! Life is too short to let one insignificant person affect you and how you behave!

I've had bad reactions before which would have crushed other guys but I was determined not to let them stop me from approaching. One time I had tried to stop a girl, it actually went worse than your approach but I immediately approached another girl, and ended up on an instant date with her in a park.

Just think of all those amazing girls you could be meeting if you stop allowing bad reactions and experiences from approaching the women you want! Whenever you get a bad reaction, just laugh it off. Play it back in your head with the girl looking really ridiculous, mimic her voice and exaggerate it. The point of this is to help you see this as funny!

But if you resort to boring questions, then atleast have some notes to help you when you get stuck. Spend more time doing some people watching, and observations. It might help you if you could find a good wing, someone with some success but ultimately you want to be able to do this alone!

If you're hurt by bad reactions then look into building up your self esteem and do some easy approaches to build up some positive reference experiences.
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