Coming out of a 17 year relationship+marriage.
My face to face / social skills confidence is pretty shot at the moment, but I can still type / text a good game.
So about 2 weeks ago I thought I'd join the online dating places - Match and POF. Had a few likes/matches and send a couple of messages, got a few myself.
I've been pretty chilled, not sending many messages myself because I wanted to actually sort of "build a list" , see who was friendly, open to messaging etc. and then when I felt ready I'd have a ready-made list to try and make dates with.
... Anyway - someone wants to "meet for coffee".
This should be the goal - right? But, then it hit me - "what the fuck do people talk about/do these days" and the panic set in lol.
I'm totally not feeling ready at the moment. And I know that because I am thinking I don't feel ready, that's what makes me not ready. If I "felt" ready, even though I hadn't done any brushing up or researching at all, then I probably would actually BE ready - as 99% is all about the confidence.
BUT - it's not as easy to just flick a switch and get the confidence / mojo back.
So I am looking for some first date advice please.
Anything at all. Things to say, other places to go (apart from coffee, because I actually hate coffee).
I messaged back saying I'd rather go bowling or play pool, but I definitely want to met her too.... which could be a mistake - is it?
I was thinking if I go to where she suggested and the only thing to do is see her - then it's like my whole purpose for going out is to go out and see her, whereas if we were doing some activity then I could be like in the mindset of "I'm going to play pool, and she's tagging along". Making it about the activity and not all about her.
Waiting for her to come back on that one right now with an answer
Alternatively I could always message back and say "fuck it, let's do coffee - but it'll be your responsibility to find me something I like to drink
Or something along those lines.
Any and all help/advice an even criticism accepted. Especially any tips to arm me with knowledge. I feel like I'm going to turn up and be all nervous, and because I'm thinking that way I know I'll turn out to be true. I think if I can get some good pointers, and feel confident about what I'm going to do/say then some of the old mojo will come back and I'll be alright.