How to Get Rid of Nerves During Approach
 

Hi guys

This one is for the veterans. I went out on Friday and Saturday this weekend in the day and got four numbers in total. Only problem is... 90 percent of the time (but not always) I'm still quite nervous during the conversation which really harms my game

I have almost completely gotten over my approach anxiety at this point but still have anxiety (trying to think of things to say, not speaking confidently etc) during the actual interaction

Is the solution to keep approaching until I am less nervous each time?

Please share your experiences, would be much appreciated
Johnny

The nerves/adrenaline doesn't go away.

Sure, you can come to a point where you've been approaching so much that you're on a high and feel like you can approach almost any girl, but take a week off and those nerves will return.

You just accept that this is part of it, because you'll never totally get rid of them. It makes you human.

Thanks for the reply Dan300

I thought someone would say this but this isn't just a bit of nerves, its nervousness to the point that it is disrupting my game, making me stutter, go silent at the wrong time, say stupid things etc. Really annoying because when I am relaxed I know how to make a good conversation..

One thing that makes anxiety worse is focusing too much on yourself, this is also where feelings of being self conscious come from. One trick is to focus your whole attention externally or on the other person.

Some people are naturally more inward thinking and self reflexive which is bad for anxiety. Training your mind to focus more externally and in the moment will help.

There's not much that is actually proven to work to improve social anxiety. And definitely being told to focus your attention externally as a trick, is shit advice. Basically what the clever folk who work stuff out have worked out so far is: CBT, ACT and SST.

Read about these and adopt some practical applications that the experimental results demonstrate would be effective.


Peace,

kowalski

So bitter. haha. I actually got that tip from Jordan Peterson. I think he understands a lot more about anxiety than you, and so do I.

One reason for anxiety issues is also an over active amygdala, things like positive self talk can help the pre frontal cortex override the amydala. This comes from studies by neuroscientists.

Sorry that it upset you when I brought science to bear on the topic.

Quote where Jordan Peterson gives that advice. You surely heard something entirely different that what was actually said. You do that with everything... Just take your own sig as an example. Pretty sure you think we are pigs yet you still wrestle with us. You're an idiot.


Peace,

kowalski

Haha don't worry you can never upset me, you just think you're important enough to affect me, which is cute.

Emotions get worse or better when you think inwardly, I new this anyway. I just found work by JP that backed up what I already new to be true.

I never called you pig, you have a negative self image.

Have a look, well he's says focus more externally not your whole attention.



If it doesn't work https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et_aw_10_Po

Thanks for proving my point.


Peace,

kowalski

The pig point, yes maybe that was true.

So was I wrong because I said "whole attention" instead of focus more externally? haha please you can't be this irrational!

Don't get bitter just get better!

as a relative newbie in the art of seduction I would suggest going into every approach welcoming rejection purely for experience, don't stress about wearing the right clothes or trying to make your hair look inch perfect before you even leave the house, also be your true self as it puts you into a mentality that you have fuck all to lose and everything to gain, it's amazing how much better i have done seeking rejection than when i was trying to memorize when to to build rapport, make statements etc... once you get use to being confident in the approaching and interaction with the women then you can start introducing some of the technical seduction methods slowly.

Advice from another newbie here who is learning a lot fast:

Look at them as if they are expected to fill any silences.
Ask "what about you" and "tell me more about that" and "what did you do next"
When listening, nod and say "yeah?" - "oh, wow", "that's great", "I bet that sucked"

If she doesn't come up with something to fill a silence even after you look at her and sort of raise your eyebrows or give whatever expression - say something like "Lost for words, huh?" and maybe add "I could go on asking lame questions all night, but I thought you looked like, or was at least hoping I'd get a decent convo from you - you're not another one of those pretty faces with nothing between the ears are you" - say that last part with a big grin.
Do something like a fake fist pump/punch on her arm when she actually does fill the gap with something. It's like a reward and she'll then keep doing it and coming up with conversation herself. Even say "That's such a good question" or something as a reward for doing it.

Main point= Don't expect that you have to fill in the gaps yourself! Throw some shame on her that she's crap at conversation. A convo is a 2 person effort, and women should actually do most of the talking. The man's part is to do the approach and the starting of the convo, and do the initial asking of a few questions.

Another good, and totally different tactic, is to try and turn off your own internal filter and say the first thing that pops into your head.- Pizza, I hate pizza. do you know anyone else that Doesn't like Pizza? Well you just met one/another one.
Shoes - how many shoes do you own? Are they all high heels?
Yeah I don't think I could fit into those.
... that was me just saying the first things going through my head - but it's not WHAT you way, it's how you say it. You've got to say it with fun, smiling, throw in a laugh and say things like "I'm in such a good mood tonight, I love it when I get into the vibe and random thoughts just pop into my head. It's like my inner child coming out to play."