Cutting ties...

[Hustler25]

I was out with an old school friend last night who i've been friends with for well over 10 years. It really struck me last night that I did not enjoy his company one bit. He is extremely conservative, stubborn, narrow-minded, cynical and pessimistic. He is happy to admire girls from a far but take no steps to engage with them. Needless to say he is a virgin at the age of 27.

Unfortunately this is a common mind-set of quite a few of my old school friends who I feel obliged to hang out with. When I am out with these guys my energy levels are incredibly low, I feel all value and life itself has been sucked out of me. I am certainly in no positive or fun mood to successfully interact with women. Their attitude is so grating it feels like I am instantly transported back a few years to when I was a total chode like them.

I try to put a positive spin on things, call them out on their cynacism and introduce them to women but I feel I am bashing my head against a very thick brick wall when I am with them.

I now feel its probably for the best that I lessen the amount of time I spend with them or cut them off altogether. It is sad because we've known each other for so long but it is clear we have taken different paths in life and as a result share little in common.

Has anyone else experienced this? how do you deal with it and if as a last resort you've had to cut-out people from your life how is the best way to do this in a dignified way?

[_charlatan_]

I can see where you are coming from and have experienced similar. I think it is fair to say we tend to align ourselves with people who share similar outlooks and life experience to ourselves, on the same level if you will, and I guess the unfortunate side effect of changing yourself for the better means you stop sharing this and grow apart.

But its a fine line between cutting ties with those people who bring you down and burning bridges.

Maybe the answer is to not socialise with these types of people in an environment where there outlook is a hindrance, ie when you are out to meet women or be high energy - which will surely just lead to frustration - there is also probably a degree of resentment for you if you are getting 'success' when in these sort of places. Sometimes its cool to just shoot shit with your mates away from any ideas of Pick up or women.

A 10 year friendship is probably worth trying to find some middle ground on before chucking it in.

[monkeybuster]

I think what you're talking about is only natural.

My theory is that evolution is not just a process that takes 10'000 of years... it happens multiple times throughout a person's lifetime too. We all change; our bodies, our views and our situation. Which is why I think why so many marriages / relationships break down. Change (as they say) is the only constant. And even more so when it comes to changes in people!

I've found that I've evolved in and out of groups of friends too. I've left friends behind that no longer reflect my mind set. It's fine and very natural. But it can be hard too.

The two examples I can give you are:

My best friend: We used to kick around when we were teenagers. Going out drinking, playing loads of games and making short funny movies. He was (and still is) a great guy. But I went to university for 3 years then started my own business (which brought a shit ton of stress I wasn't mature enough to deal with). I changed. And through no fault of his... I started to contact him less and less... because my life changed too.

But I don't get too down about it because I made other friends that reflect my life style now. And anyway, I'm sure he did exactly the same!

My Ex Girlfriend: This was the hardest emotionally that I've dealt with. My girlfriend's always become my best friend too. Just before I joined this community, I recently split up with my girlfriend that stood by me, shared the good times and the bad times with me and was my best friend! Even though it's hard to be apart from her... I know, in time, that I / she will get over it... she's make new friends as I'm doing, probably meet someone else, as will I... and slowly, i'll / she'll evolve into a different life.

There are only a few people in my life that have stuck around for as long as I remember... and I'm happy with that. The coming and going of friends is only natural and reflective of your current beliefs and values.

I would say, just start to contact these people less. Also start to make some new friends that are aligned to you. You'll find these people will naturally fall by the way side as you progress.

[nova]

Hustler, I have friends who I spend time with for a variety of reasons, whether it be a drink, out clubbing, or just hanging out at their house smoking and listening to music. Assess what you want from your relationships with your friends and if certain friends are the right friends to 'go out on the pull with'.

I have several very close old friends who who I know I am wasting my time with if I want them to wing me or get me into state etc. around girls. I am friends with them because we relate on other levels. Don't sever your ties purely because they are no good in the field of 'game'. However if you think you can't relate to them any more then start distancing yourself and spend more time with people you do like. There's no need to be sentimental if they piss you off. As I have said before, particularly in relation to the 'Bros bdefore Hos' arguement - friends come and go.

[Hustler25]

K, yes you're absolutely right to interpret that, he kicked up a fuss recently because a gay bar opened up in our town, I also playfully slapped him on the thigh whilst cracking a joke the other night and he leapt up out of his chair accusing me of being gay!

Nova, I hear what your saying and completely understand. Even beyond the context of 'pick-up' and just chilling with them is not fun for me, we just don't relate these days. Hanging with them feels more like a chore than a pleasureable experience.

I think I now know what I need to do. Cheers guys.