Word Dave. Blanca, all this is not a matter of settling for what you can get. This is about getting what you want. Like Simply Dolphin says, you need to put the effort into this, but this involves digging deep and having a good long hard look at where you've been going wrong.

Jaz's words are spot on, that girls should only be one aspect of your night and not the overall meaning of your night. If you go out, don't meet any girls, but have a great time with your friends - then so what, you still had a great time with your friends!

Oddly, this is also going to directly impact your level of success. Which guys on a dance floor don't get any success? Its the ones standing around, looking around at all the girls, waiting for something to happen. Bless 'em, we've all been there!

Which ones are having success? The ones who are just having a good time, who are complete already, who don't require the attention of a girl to bring their night up to an acceptable level.

Neediness is perhaps the most unattractive trait of any man (with the obvious exceptions of bad breath, long dirty nails, and being an Everton fan). By making girls a fundamental part of your night and demonstrating this through your actions, you make yourself needy. You make it clear that you need a girl to complete your night. Its actually counter productive, and will do plenty to put girls off.

And something else I've come to realise recently (and was the subject of a lenthy post in my field reports thread) - pick up is only one aspect of your life. Recently, I was starting to feel a little bogged down, not just in pick up but in things generally. I felt like I was trudging from day to day, set to set, no direction of travel or progress on the horizon. So, I sat myself down and set myself a small number of goals, long term and short term. And I started to take action to move myself towards those goals.

Learn to think holistically. Pick up is only one part of a much greater whole. It cannot define you. Girls cannot provide you with everything you need. They will satisfy certain needs, and God knows we need them satisfying, otherwise we wouldn't work as hard as we do to handle this part of our lives. But make sure the rest of your life isn't neglected as a result.

I firmly believe you will enjoy more success with girls when you come from a place in life where you are completely comfortable with yourself, who you are, what you think. I'm still working this bit of it out, but I'm well on the way. Further, I've come to believe that true self worth - that sense of inner completeness that we all chase - cannot come from external sources. Fine, sort out your flat, car, clothes, job, women, and everything else. They're important things. But understand that none of them will truly help you become complete. That comes from somewhere much deeper.

Like I say, I'm still working all that shit out. But when I get there, I'll find myself in ways I perhaps never thought possible.

I'd like to stop you there CO, because there's a glaring problem that I've noticed with your (and a few other) posts. And that is the notion that guys who go out and enjoy themselves and aren't bothered about pulling are the ones who enjoy the biggest success.

Whilst this might be true now (I notice interest all the time when I'm out having fun and being awesome), it wasn't true of me as little as a year ago. Before I joined this community, I would go out simply to have fun with my friends. I wouldn't even try to pull because I knew I didn't have a clue what to do, and thus I didn't need women to make my night better or worse, and I was ok with all of this because I had a great time. However, the result was that I ended up reading The Game and getting involved with the community due to a lack of girls.

I realise I've been a bit negative over the past week or so, and for that I apologise. I really don't mean to bring people down. I just have this feeling that I'm going to arrive at the exact place I started from - go full circle, if you will - and end up being the same person I was a year ago bar a few minor personality changes, and that is something I'm finding maddeningly frustrating.

On the other hand, is it this small change that will make all the difference I wonder? Hard to say, but it's still a worry.

That isn't quite what I said. I recently wrote in another Field Report about the importance of taking action and making things happen. At some point in the night, I will probably look around, see some girls I'd like to go and talk too, and go and talk to them. Its important that when you see a girl you like, take action and go and meet her. But, don't make this the singular goal of your trip into town that night.

Like I said, pick up is a part of your night. It isn't your night. And your night doesn't involve neglecting pick up. The reality is somewhere in between. The point I was making was - don't go out on a mission to pick up girls. Go out to enjoy yourself and have a good time. Let meeting girls be a part of this. Let meeting other blokes be part of this. It all fits together into a whole of a night out.

If you don't find a girl to spend the night with, then fine, that bit of the night didn't work out. You still had a dance, had a drink, had a laugh, enjoyed your friends company. And as such your night is still a success.

Don't measure success in terms of girls. Measure it simply in terms of whether you enjoyed yourself. I'd suggest that when those two variables become interchangable, you need to step back and try and untangle them, because they are not (or, at least, shouldn't be) the same thing.

Good point dude. I've been thinking about this for the last few days and I can see you're right. The Force is strong with you...

Like I've just mentioned with Monkeybuster's field report, my problem currently is putting a seductive spin on an interaction rather than a social one. Something I'm working on, but thanks for a push in the right direction.

I would like to be able to say yes but in my experience its still a resounding NO! I do think that eventually you will be able to take it in your stride.

I have just busted through a similar thing to you and yes it literally felt like all the hard work I had done was totally undone and I wa no better off than square one when I started. Best thing to do is take a break and get back in to it when your through with the negativity. Thing is, it was like all the hard work I had done had disappeared and it was crushing. However, once you are back in the swing of things, you quickly get back to where you were, your confidence levels will only diminish temporarily.

I bumbled a half arsed opener out to a two set, to try and make my target jealous while she went to the loo and they gave me a very harsh rejection when I wasn't even trying to sarge them. I reacted to this and told them to fuck off.
One night I had some girl tell me that I was shit at dancing, most girls like my dancing and I often get complimented but I felt really offended on this occasion and took it to heart. Its things like this that make you think all chicks are bitchy and gives you the dissilusionment. Just remember that people can be obnoxious for many reasons, maybe your approach was badly timed, maybe they had received bad news whatever. Just remember that some warpig has made a judgment on your initial impression and that has nothing to do with your game or who you are as a person. I also find it hard not to take it personally but as you develop a stronger frame, these things will have less and less of an impact you as time goes on, I have already started to see the difference. Dealing with rejection is an inner game issue and after having a few hundred rejections I am starting to get thicker skin but I still get those times when it hurts me and other times when it don't phase me.

Outcome orientation was the main reason I think that the pressure comes from on yourself and when you fail under pressure it seems to hit you harder. I try and go out with the mindset of not caring whether or not I close but I'm not a fan of night game anyway. I would rather meet a chick in the day and then meet her in a bar later or insta date. I don't like club game simply for the unpredicatble variable of shit heads, obstacles and CB's you encounter.


I would like to know anyones methods for dealing with these setbacks. I used NLP to change the sub modalities last time and it made a big difference but that was well after I was busted out of my vibe in the venue, I often fall foul of this.

If I may interrupt - camarda, speaking from experience, I would say no.

Before I got into 'the game', I would go out in the night with my mates to have a few drinks, a laugh etc - a good time. However, for me at that time, what constituted a good time was purely whether or not I pulled a chick. But back then I was never in a position to pull because I never approached; didn't have the social skills, the confidence and I didn't really like going out to clubs. This all resulted in me having a very shit night and going home extremely pissed off and miserable (and I used to wonder why I never got a sniff of success!!!!)

What constitutes a good time for me now has changed dramatically. I always make a point of approaching women because it's great interacting with them and flirting etc, I also enjoy the rejections and the absurd bullshit that some of them spout. I manage to find it really amusing, and my friends and I have a good laugh about it afterwards. Crack a few jokes with my mates, share some stories, a bit of silly dancing and this all results in a good night out for me now, whether I pull or not.

Camarda, In my opinion, you're only going to be going home smiling if you've had a good time. What you've got to think about is this - what do you believe constitutes a good time for you?

As already mentioned, going out with the sole intention of getting girls realistically means that the only time you're going home smiling is if you've had succes with women (or a woman). It's a fragile basis for having a good time because your not always going to get the success you want, plus the rejections are going to accumilate your level of frustration and compound the shit time your having, hence going home with no smile on your face. I'd say you need to reconsider your intentions and change your thinking of what constitutes having a good time.

I feel your frustration though man.

Maestro.

After just a quick read I would concur with jaz as one is directly related to each other. If your only out to meet chics and in that respect it's Not going as well as you'd hope, then you woant be enjoying the night, if your not enjoying the night then when you open it's shows that your not enjoying the night and the Chics don't bite, so the night gets worse, so you feel worse and so on and so on and the spiral continues downwards.

Picking up chics is awesome that's why we are here, but there needs to be more than just that in a night.

Also going back to the very first post, the only way you can define suceed at anything is to have measurable goals, be it work, personal or Pua.

Now I've just type the above statment, the penny just dropped! If you need to define sucess, then you need goals. Therefor you would have to go out on a night out with those goals in mind if your being very granular, to acheive the sucess you have defined. Maybe the optimal way would be to have a monthly/ quarterly sucess marker rather than a night one and just go with the flow on your nights out and enjoy hanging with whoever you are with and if an oppertunity arises on that night out then take it, but don't force it.

Retro

I'm not saying that.. I'm saying that if you're on a night out and you're not enjoying yourself then that reflects. If you're being miserable then its not going to help one bit!

you're the one saying your reaching a low and not happy.. I'm merely suggesting the two may be related.

Trying to type fast on the iPhone with the touch keypad is a pain in the backside... not in work or on the road so can type properly now as I'm on the laptop