LMR!! Help

[TheRegulator88]

Got this girl back to my house after a successful coffee date. Chat/flirting going very well in general. All signs were leading to sexual activity esp when the convosation turned to "our sexual past"..... but i got LMR from her and i was kinda shocked!

She was sayin she isnt in a good place now and doesnt want to do anything with anyone at the moment. Blamed it on a loss of confidence and the fact that the last time she kissed someone she really regretted it!? However, she did say she was A) really attracted to me and B) tempted to take things further (after talking about how much she loved recieving oral).

She also said she deffinatly would come and hang out with me as she thought i was cool, but pretty much said dont expect anythin sexual.

I havnt known her for long (about 2 weeks), and my mate said...it will happen. But 1) I dont know if i can be arsed with the effort tryin to erode someones defences as it feels like im persuading someone into sex, which ulitimately feels creepy and underhand. 2) I wouldnt know how to make an advance on her knowing this. She said "ohhh i'll snap out of it soon, i go through these little phases".....

Any advice fellas??

[Blanca]

I read somewhere (I think it was Kowalski who posted it) that there's 2 kinds of LMR:

1) She's into you, but is unsure about sex
2) She wants to have sex, but is unsure she can trust you

Sounds like you've got a classic case of number 1. The problem is twofold. Firstly, the cure is inauthentic and requires some bending of the truth, in the form of persuasion that it'll be ok and that you'll call her the next day. Secondly, it needs to be done at the point of LMR.

I'd recommend you just go out and meet more girls. She says she'll "snap out of it soon"? When she sees you're a guy with options, "soon" will become "very quickly".

Alternatively, try something else the K-dog said. When you're making out with her, start having a wank. 9 times out of 10 she will take over.

[Simply David]

Originally Posted by Blanca

Firstly, the cure is inauthentic and requires some bending of the truth, in the form of persuasion that it'll be ok and that you'll call her the next day. Secondly, it needs to be done at the point of LMR.

No!!

Just be cool. Seems like you would have a guilty concience if you did fuck her and never called her again. If she is in a bad point in her life I doubt that is what she needs.

This will haunt you my friend.

[Hustler25]

I agree with Dolphin Dave, Blanca I'm suprised at you. That's a contradiction in terms, we are preaching authenticity here, this is the true way and yet when it comes to trying to get a girl to sleep with you and you are faced with LMR you propose to suddenly become inauthentic??

When you are being authentic and honest with people you are demonstrating nobility and being respectful, you are supposed to be setting a good example above and beyond every fucking douchebag pissed out of his head on a Saturday night trying to pull a girl. To then lie to a girl like that is lame and you are showing you are actually no different from every other drunken twat out that night.

Have respect for the girl. Treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself.

[Blanca]

Blimey that's quite a backlash! Perhaps I should explain what I meant to say.

There is a cure for this form of LMR, and as I said above, it involves some inauthenticity, a bit of bending the truth and some persuasion. Which is exactly why you shouldn't do it, and why, instead, you should go out and meet more girls and let her get over her own LMR. If she still doesn't want to have sex with you, it doesn't matter as you're already moving on, if she does (by the sounds of it, this one will) then great.

Looking back at my post, I probably didn't make it clear enough that that's what I meant. Come on though Hustler - would I condone doing a thing like that?

[Hustler25]

LOL...Ok I understand what you mean now. Yeah I don't think it was quite so clear what you meant in your first post.

[TheRegulator88]

Just going off what you've written: She sites a lack of confidence and regretting it the last time she kissed someone. I read this as she is looking for someone who makes her feel confident, is honest and has strong morals.

We can make girls feel confident about themselves by liking them and having a stable internal locus of control. Having a stable internal locus of control means that you are a safe foundation to build their confidence on, so when you make them feel good they can safely let themselves believe in those good feelings because they wont crumble like whatever she founded her confidence on previously did. This quality manifests itself in making strong decisions and being unflappable.

Great advice there K, thats brilliant stuff there and so true. She did say that i was different to any guy shes met tho, which was good to hear. And without sounding arrogant, i f***** know im better than all the chodes shes ever met. Sometimes though, you have to accept a lost cause and write it off. However, Im like John Mclain in the sense that i dont like to lose and now you've written that quality piece for me Kowalski, i feel as though i have new weapons in my armoury (Cheers!)....Ones of which i will be sure to use on other girls (such as the girl im seeing next weekend), but ones which i am eager to use on this girl too.

I put pressure on myself to achieve stuff in life and girls (such as this one) are no exception to this. But pressure is my motivation, when something is at stake (whether it be a girl or a 100m race!), i perform better and i raise my game!

I know i like my quotes so heres one from MJ's book (thats the famous sprinter not the whack job dead pop star!) and this is the way im treating this situation....."Announcing your intentions and the stakes is the best way to reclaim the pressure, think, 'Yes I expect to win or i'd like to get an A on this test. If i lose it wont be the end of the world, but you bet i'll be dissapointed'....."

Just thought id let you know my reasons for not letting this one drop K, and that im not just blindy ignoring your advice to sack it off just yet

Anyways, cheers for the advice guys. Knowledge is power!