Im Back And Need Advice/Help,,, Confidence

[Tivvo]

Hey its been about a year since trying to pick up women so I could really do with some tips and pointers to get me back in form.

I have some how lost my confidence and self belief.

I usto be quite good at picking up women but now its almost as if I was never good at it.

eg... I walked into Holland and Barrett store on Saturday and there was this 8/9 woman behind the counter. The shop was empty apart from me and her. I had music playing in one ear. She smiled at me as I walked in with a happy and glowing appearance across her face. Almost asiff she WA waving a sign above her head saying talk to me and IM yours! So anyway, I said hi are you alright and she said yes thank you are you and I replied yes thanks IM always happy when the weathers hot like this, as it was a nice sunny day. I then began to walk over to one of the shelf and looked at a few vitamins and herbal tablets. I saw her looking at me a few times as I looked over in her direction. I was trying to think of an opener and I just froze! I ended up buying the vitamins and saying thankyou, have a nice day, goodbye in the politest way possible.

I need help!!!! Fear took over and got the best of me!

Day game is harder than night from my opinion but god dam I could not believe that I was so afraid to talk to her when the only possible positive outcome could be good and if it was bad then I would have lost nothing by talking to her..

What can I do to help with my confidence issues that I have somehow developed?

Why has this happens?

And any tips / videos / material would be very helpful?

Thank You All

Tivvo

[Serendipity]

If you've got rusty, you can just go back to practicing basics until the discomfort reduces. Make eye contact with people, speak to strangers, go out of your comfort zone in steps.

[nova]

As much as i have done all this day game, this happens to me too. Less so with now with practice and experience though, although the mega hot girls really do get me pretty flustered still.

The problem tends to be that I will end up assuming the worst in each scenario, then talk myself out of it. The best solution I've found is to approach as soon as you feel that urge to do so. Leaving it and thinking about what could happen, is just counterproductive. Sometimes I now just run up to the girl.

As for shopkeepers/assistants. Learn to be social with everyone who works in a shop. Ask them about their day.

[Tivvo]

thank you both...

i will take your advices and take things syep by step and maybe in time it will all come flooding back to me. being and acting more social towards anyone helps me too. it some how makes me forget to be shy as if i never was eventually.

i remember when i worked in a sports shop before and i was constantly helping customers. after a few weeks helping compleate stragers i was full of confidance outside and in work. this is when i became better at picking up women, i gradually became good. confidance is key

i apreciate it i really do

Tivvo

[Shahanshah]

Confidence isn't key. There are loads of factors. Ones that are equally important. Social and emotional intelligence. Which is equal, if not more important, as confidence.

Confidence is a big factor but having social and emotional intelligence are often overlooked in pua. Everyone is out for the confidence boost but not to learn about the subject at hand.

Analogy: a man (or woman) is dead certain they can build a house but he has no skills at any trade work, will he build a stately home?

How about this: a man understands how to build a house, he has the know how and the experience but he's not particularly confident. Confident to push forward but not Will Smithing it. Will he build this home? (That can last one night muwahaha). I think its important to understand that confidence is a non-factor as you cant 'work on it', its something that comes with other work. Social intelligence, emotional intelligence, appearance, even your voice and eye contact, is more important than plain confidence.

[top-hat]

And how do you do this Shah. I'm sure that's a very broad question, but how does one go about improving emotional and social intelligence. I presume through experience.

[Shahanshah]

I'm not an expert on the subject so I wouldn't want to give advice. 'Through experience' doesn't mean much to anyone because loads of people try and constantly fail with women, even if they know about PUA.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Originally Posted by Shahanshah

Confidence isn't key. There are loads of factors. Ones that are equally important. Social and emotional intelligence. Which is equal, if not more important, as confidence.

Confidence is a big factor but having social and emotional intelligence are often overlooked in pua. Everyone is out for the confidence boost but not to learn about the subject at hand.

Analogy: a man (or woman) is dead certain they can build a house but he has no skills at any trade work, will he build a stately home?

How about this: a man understands how to build a house, he has the know how and the experience but he's not particularly confident. Confident to push forward but not Will Smithing it. Will he build this home? (That can last one night muwahaha). I think its important to understand that confidence is a non-factor as you cant 'work on it', its something that comes with other work. Social intelligence, emotional intelligence, appearance, even your voice and eye contact, is more important than plain confidence.

What would you say to someone who on paper knows exactly what (or in theory knows exactly) what he's meant to do, but lacks confidence, has little experience and admittedly has "blurt" moments where he comes across as socially un-calibrated or border line lacking in social/emotional intelligence (probably as a result of lack of confidence/nerves)

[Shahanshah]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

What would you say to someone who on paper knows exactly what (or in theory knows exactly) what he's meant to do, but lacks confidence, has little experience and admittedly has "blurt" moments where he comes across as socially un-calibrated or border line lacking in social/emotional intelligence (probably as a result of lack of confidence/nerves)

You need to get out more right now, that's all. Twice a week of speaking to girls, mandatory for it. Even if its solo or travelling far to meet people in other cities. Get the ball rolling. I have no idea how you learn it or at least I wouldn't want to give advice about it.

I was pointing out that so much of PUA is about either giving you confidence, learning confidence or manipulation (A sort of opposite to confidence). When there's a big chunk of it that's down to social and emotional intelligence, a phrase that now makes me sound like a retard or a smug cunt.

Maybe one of the reasons PUA doesn't address it is because its a tough subject, one that you can't bullshit about. Routines can give you confidence or manipulate girls; a bootcamp can make you feel confident, same with the pua advice and going out all the time, but actually developing (If you're the type of person who can develop it, that is) SI and EI is a real tough subject.

If we're talking JUST sex, then confidence and SI/EI doesn't even matter that much, its all about finding the right girl haha which I guess is SI/EI.

Actually that's a great example, being able to tell if a girl is interested or not, spotting girls up for it. Those are great examples of some applicable social intelligence. But then again you're both drunk.

[Serendipity]

I agree with a lot of what Sha is saying there. It's hard to put it all in a nutshell.

Basically you have to be a bit brave (confident). Women like guys who are brave (CONFIDENT). they hate guys who are creepy (needy and looking for validation). You have to find the niche between being creepy and confident. Finding that is called 'calibration'. It's inside you but you have to dig it out.

you have to adress the needy woose that's inside of you and dragging you down all the time. It's not your true identity, it's just something that got in you like a virus.

The only way you can get yourself calibrated is by going out in the real world and talking to real women. In that world of experience you will get rejected, you will get jealous, you will get pissed off at women and guys, you will get depressed. You will feel like a loser, you will desperately want to give up.

But if you want to succeed you have to push youself into that territory and take the pain. By going through this process and surviving it you will become emotionally stronger and therebye more attractive to women. You will realise you have a solid inner core that women admire because they don't have it. Strong women just emulate what they see in strong men they know.

That's the way you have to see things if you want to have women in your life. A strong and confident man, not a wimp. Not someone who can't be relied on.

Most guys look for an easy way out of all this and take whatever they can get. But that's not what we're about on this site. We are looking to be in the top few percent of guys.

By that I mean a woman gives you a second look and you go in. You don't need a social circle to give you a big green flag. You get a look from a woman (or not) and you go in and try to take her. That's what pickup is about.

If it's there for the taking then why not take it.