Yeah, I would advise not getting too focussed on improving /fixing specific 'pickup skills' at this stage. You can take a broader approach that will provably be more useful in the long-run.

As others have suggested go out and practice being yourself and relaxed in various social situations with people. Do it in as small steps as you want but keep going and push your comfort zone a bit further each time.

Lol you making a big deal about a minor off-hand point I listed, it could be a problem, it could not.

I think what D!ce said earlier in this thread is something that is having a big effect on your socialising, I'm talking about how your classifying guys as "alpha's".

You should try not to class them as alpha's because a person that you class as an alpha basically means you see that guys as somewhat a threat. This is bound to make you more nervous/hesitant, creating a harder situation for yourself. You can class a guys as an alpha without even talking to him or 'he looks alpha'.

I sometimes look at a guy and think he's alpha but them immediately say something really stupid to myself as a kind of refferance to the 'alpha'. Something like those money supermarket adverts "your so money supermarket you don't even know it" this then, in my mind, totally lowers my perception value of the guy back down to just an odinary no threat guy and also gives me a confidence boost of like 'yeah I can do this shit'.
Most of the time I don't use this because I hardly ever see a guy as a threat.


Maybe not the way I do it will be beneficial for you but I think you really need to tackle the way you label certain guys as alphas. But do this in-field, learn from experience. Meaning still approach people, both girls and guys and gradually you'll move away from this labelling system you have whilst still improving socially.

Labelling is something minds are good at doing and do all the time. In fact your mind is a labelling machine. It is helpful most of the time but is unhelpful when, as Barney says, you are comparing yourself in a way that makes you feel inferior, negatively affecting your performance, or you don't approach because (one of my favourites) 'she looks like a right stuck up bitch!'.

No. You have to see yourself as being on a level with people and that they want to be social just the same as you do. Which is really the way things are. As you start to go about with that mind-set you'll notice you start getting more positive feedback from people.

I label "alpha's" by a 3 observation rule:

1: clothing style, cleanliness.

2: attitude and prescence in the room.

3: popularity with both genders.

If all 3 are high on a scale of 1 - 10 say 6+, then i classify them as an alpha and a threat. I measure women on a similar scale but also add in personality as i discovered long ago that some women can be gorgeous but utter bitches when you talk to them. So i observe the social dynamics of the room and tend to approach the more relaxed, approachable and polite women, as they tend to be in a happier mood.

Threat or not, I don't think that's the root of the problem, they are competition that is that and that is animal instinct, you either bow down or rise to the challenge. Such is basic evolution, those who succeed in the courting dance, procreate and further the evolutionary chain.

The question is not identifying who may or may not be an alpha or competition, its deciding the person you want to be. Do you want to be the guy that succeeds? Quit looking for qualities in other people and focus your attention on yourself.

But from what you were saying you were having trouble lately. What we're saying is it's worth re-evaluating whatever system you've been using. Which from what you've described, doesn't sound very flexible. It might not be putting you in the best frame of mind for being social.

Until you've gone out more you don't have a solid enough basis of experience to make these kind of value judgments.

My advice to you starting off would be to accept that you don't really know anything yet. In this thread you've done a very standard thing that new guys do, which is basically list off all the things you perceive as disadvantages or things you aren't good at. The truth is, while you probably aren't great yet, you have to realise that you don't yet have the experience to even know what your real disadvantages or weak points are.

So don't dwell on them, stop trying to analyse and assess the situation and just go out and do it. You think you're no good right now? You're not in a position to judge. And even if you aren't any good, so fucking what? Accept it for now and do it anyway. Prove yourself wrong. I'd rather try, suck and get better than stay at home and sit on my hands because I've convinced myself I'm at a disadvantage.

I'm an alpha, i'm the alpha.

I think what i need as well is some basic coaching, something to get myself on the right track and build upon it with the hopes of it springboarding me into a more focussed and comfortable position where i can challenge myself and those i percieve as threats. Someway of finding my niche and expanding it.