"Cheat" on girlfriend
 

Hi,

I was wondering if there were any womanisers on this site - and by that I mean guys who even with a girlfriend are open to engaging in purely physical - as opposed to emotional - relationships with other girls behind there partner's backs?

I can't be faithful and be solely in a purely monogamous relationship because of my personality - and so like the Italians or the French or many other nationalities!..I play around. I'm currently single and have sex with around one different woman a week but I cheat because I'm a "swinger", but even when I've not been single I've needed to interact with other women.

Is there anyone else on this site that is like that? From what I've seen - anyone that's a so-called 'PUA' on this site gives it all up when they're in a relationship and only gets back to it if and when their relationship ends.

Any thoughts?

I am like this to some degree. I said in a post not long ago that I was basically wanting a long-ish distance relationship and then also see/date/whatever other women as well.


There's been many times where I'm single but want to be around women. Then some of the women want a relationship but I'm happy where I am; not scared of a relationship just didn't really want it.

Problem was that the last 2 women I was like this with back at college, 1 from my college and the other from a football club I used to help out at, the connection broke down, mainly due to their friends, which use to give me a sense of disappointment i.e. like a relationship breaking up.
Now I don't think it would effect me as much, if at all.


I reckon I could be faithful and all that but at my present moment I couldn't be, simply because I don't want to be, I want to explore. I was never in this for a girlfriend, I'm in it for self improvement and to be honest, a fucking long, fun, near to limitless adventure. I don't have sex as often as you but I've just started to get a firm grip on my life as a whole so I expect my success to start increasing soon but also, I only have sex when I want to. I'm not someone who will have sex with loads of people, if I connect with her then fine, if not then jog on; I can't be arsed waiting around anymore.


I'm in the process of moving to The Netherlands for uni. If it works out this move will be held as my biggest success because it is the gateway to what I've wanted for over 5 years.
Girl wise I don't know what I'd do over there - but I think looking into the future like that should not be encouraged.

Monogamy without adultery is a choice not a disposition.

Why mess girls around when you can mess around without playing their emotions?

Whilst you have no ties what is the point in pretending to be monogamous. When you decide to settle down with children then maybe monogamous relations might be more appealing although not completely easy

You misunderstand what a relationship is supposed to be (these were around before PUAs). I can only imagine you enter a relationship as a means as something to fall back on, someone to rely on when you can't get your own way with other girls. The worst part is you blame your personality as if it wasn't your fault, because you know you have no self-discipline and can’t be trusted.

For real. My focus was quite heavily on ‘gaming’ girls when I was single, which I enjoyed working at. Upon deciding I was going exclusive with my girl, I suddenly realised that my focus in self-improvement and development could be a lot more holistic.

I have now moved to the city centre into my own place, have sustained an exercise and healthy eating regime to keep myself in shape (my girl loves this), am focused on my art once again and working towards pulling together a series of paintings for exhibitions, going to Asia in a couple of weeks to explore South Korea and Japan.

Meeting the right girl is not a means to an end.

Your whole tone here is condescending and annoying. It sounds like you're proud about your lack of self control and inability to handle relationships properly, and are condescending to the people who have the willpower and the balls to have a monogamous relationship. You seem to use terms like 'womaniser' and 'PUA' relating to what you're talking about as if it somehow makes your worst features cool. If you genuinely can't control yourself enough to have a monogamous relationship when you want one, you're not cool. You're a mug.

The solution to this is simple. Be honest with yourself and with girls. Then do what you want. I'm seeing a few girls right now, but it's well understood by all of them that it's just no strings attached casual sex. If that's what you want to do, cool. But if you want to be in a relationship, have the respect and decency to be faithful and actually take part in the relationship. Be a man about it.

Whatever you do there has to be consent on both sides and a solid understanding of what's going on. No ifs, no buts. That's the bottom line.

You need to drop more IOIs (the soap).

Cheating seems like a luxury to me at the moment.

There'll come a point when you'll find it hard not to cheat because you'll have girls that you want to sleep with who may have opposing relationship goals to you. At that point it is difficult to stick by your guns and say "all I want is something casual" because it instills the fear you may end up with nothing.

I advise you to stick by your standards because you'll learn to confidently get what you want an sure there'll be some girls who'll say no, many girls say yes (some of them want just sex and interesting conversation too)

Whilst I've been learning French I've been able to draw many parallels to games
Firstly it seemed a little more than I could ever reach understanding and talking in French- much the same as talking to a girl and getting laid
But you go out there and you do it and before long you're opening girls (or saying hello asking things in basic French)
Before long your having basic conversations and ordering food - or getting numbers and having dates
Next thing you know your having sex and begin to have your choice of girl (watching TV and reading newspapers)

It all happens progressively without you noticing it but one day you'll think to yourself wow I'm doing what I started out to do and more

Yeah. I could see that could be hard. I've turned down almost certain sex with girls I thought were too young for me (but legal obviously). So I know I can make choices sometimes that are the right but not the easiest ones.

But it's true that being in a relationship seems to make you more attractive to other women. That's the biggest test I think. To fight off advances from women who previously might not have given you a second look.

I'm not an expert but I think that's the issue here right?

Haha its funny that you put 'Cheat' in inverted commas, Uber you crazy.

My father got married young. He told me that a big factor was he never thought he would get another chance (meaning for regular sex). With hindsight he said: "If I had only known then that later on I would have had more chances than I knew what to do with". He's never admitted how many he took. And I don't ask. But I reckon it's more than zero.

Wow, good to see healthy democratic speech is alive and kicking on this forum. I think it's great that people are physically faithful to one person for the rest of their life's, honestly I do, I'm just saying my set up means only having sex with one person for the rest of my life REALLY doesn't come naturally to me - so say I marry tomorrow and die in 50 years time I'm saying frankly that it would go against my most basic physical nature. You can say I'm choosing that and that I shouldn't just blame it on my 'personality' and in the end we do all make choices...I haven't got the stats for the French and Italians, but frankly I reckon there's a fair few married guys even in this country who if a hot woman made themselves available to them with no strings attached would not be able to resist it. I appreciate that the people who have commented on this thread would never have sex with another woman outside of their relationship with their wife or girlfriend, and I massively respect that - so you've answered my question. I'm not proud of being a "womaniser" - for lack of a better term - but it really does seem to be hard wired into me, although like I said, I do appreciate that people make choices on what they choose to follow up on. I guess I just haven't got your willpower when it comes to staying away from women. So, STEIN - I'm certainly not meaning to be condescending I was just wondering if anyone else had my issues with never having sex with anyone else but your girlfriend/wife for the rest of one's life - I don't think I'm a "mug" as you say for having difficulty doing that and I certainly don't think anyone else is a "mug" for having a monogamous relationship for the rest of their life - we're all different! And, by the way Stein, your current seeing lots of girls at one time and them all knowing about you sleeping with other girls is a rather interesting and I don't think common situation...good luck with it though - very open minded girls!

Sorry, just read page 2 of this thread. Serendipity thanks for your two contributions here - yeah basically that's the issue, yeah interesting to hear what your dad said.

Shahansha - the reason I put "cheat" in inverted commas is because I don't consider a purely physical liaison with some woman to be proper cheating. Let me explain this i more detail, for example:
Say I'm married or in a relationship and I have a quick shag with some woman of dubious virtues - whether that be from meeting her at a bar/club, in the swinging scene, or even a hooker! - I don't consider that, and indeed repeated actions of that, to be the same as the following:
Meeting another woman and having an AFFAIR which includes dinners, mental and potentially emotional interaction - that IS cheating and in my book is very wrong! You should only have a relationship with one person - your wife or girlfriend!...but should you go to Vegas whether that's literal or not and just have some physical fun, I reckon that's a lot less serious as a misdemeanour!!

Uber, I can't agree with that. Both examples are examples of cheating on different levels.

Sex or a shag is, to a degree, an emotional interaction. You labeled an affair as something that includes emotional interactions.

In my opinion, both examples are 1 of the same thing.

My point was about being clear in what you want, both with yourself and with the girl. If you genuinely want to be in a monogamous relationship, you've got to go by the rules of one. If you get into a monogamous relationship and don't have the willpower to stick to it, you should get out of it, or at least talk with your partner about it before you go off trying to fuck other people. You described yourself as being open to having sex with other girls behind your partner's back. Frankly that's cowardly, and yes it makes you a mug.

My situation is more common than you'd think. I sleep with other girls they're free to sleep with other guys. Happens a lot. The way you get into that situation is by being open, honest and clear about what the situation is right from the start. If you want to shag a bunch of girls, I suggest you make it clear that it's just sex. Provided you're cool about it a lot of girls are happy with that. Girls enjoy casual sex. Who'd have thought.

This again all comes down to trust, honesty and consent. If a girl you are in a monogamous relationship with has no idea you might be shagging someone else and would not be fine with it then going out and shagging other girls is not fucking fine. It's cheating. Shame on you if you do that, and I feel bad for any girl you do that too. On the other hand if you want to be in a polygamous relationship, you discuss it with her and she's fine with it, great. Have fun. But she'll get to have her fun too, so you'll have to deal with that.

Figure out what you want and stick to it. Don't lie. Don't cheat. Nothing good will ever come of it.

My advice would be not to get into a relationship or get married if this is the way you are wired. Unless the women you choose to be with holds exactly the same views as you.

if you find someone who understands exactly where you are coming from and you both start the relationship with a clear understanding that meaningless sex will occur and both parties are aware of this then there is no issue.

however if you get in a relationship with someone and they dont know what your intentions are then this would just be cruel and i suggest not starting the realationship atall.

This is desperate stuff Uber. I feel sorry for every girl you make contact with.

Agree with everyone else and standby what I said before.

A committed relationship is where you are exclusive to one person. You don't sleep with anyone else. If you "want" a relationship its because you've found someone you like and ready to settle with exclusively. You can't have it both ways.

I didn't read it all but you said women where that you don't totally consider sleeping with someone else cheating, and that cheating is only when you are spending time with them or taking them to dinner. Are you crazy or on drugs?? Making out with another women is cheating, just kissing is cheating. Going on a date is cheating. You could almost say exchanging flirty and dirty texts is borderline cheating.

The way your talking, you shouldn't be looking for or deserve a relationship until you get your head right. If you were in a relationship with another women, would you be okay if she was also bonking other guys? (Of course if you were both together but sleeping with others you couldn't class this as a relationship).

Find women to have casual sex with, who are open to it and are aware its not an exclusive thing. And sort yourself out.

Interesting. Uber can’t actually be happy or remotely satisfied with the girl he’s in a relationship with, and hence the problems he has.