Caring what other people think

[Hustler25]

When I first joined the community I used to care about what people would think about me. This was not just with regard to girls I would meet on a night out, put everybody from my parents, friends to work colleagues. This is after all quite natural, our egos enjoy positive affirmations from external sources and we like the identity of ourselves to be accepted by others.

Now I cannot say I'm completely independant from not caring about what other people think of me. I think to be completely free of and unaffected by other peoples views towards you whether good or bad is nigh on impossible to achieve and perhaps even an unhealthy mind-set. However i've noticed after being involved in this community for sometime now and hanging out with a number of the guys here that I have slowly begun to care less about what other people think of me, and began to live my life to my own standards and be more comfortable just being me and being cool with my own faults.

Just going through this process now feels rather liberating. I am by no means where I want to be but I feel I am on that journey. Over the weekend I felt this mind-set in action. I hadn't been 'gaming' per se in a while and met up with a few of the Manchester boys, my performance was mediocre at best not too hot not too lame. About half of my interactions yielded positive feed-back. Of those that completely bombed I felt little sense of rejection, concern, embarrassment or a sense of 'the spotlight effect' shining down on me.

Only a few months back I would have more than likely took those negative responses personally and would spend time in my head replaying those negative interactions and trying to over-analyse where i'd gone wrong. When you replay negative scenarios in your head like this or you are doing is reinforcing a negative feed-back loop in your mind.

This awakening if you like has only recently begun to creep into my concious thought and the best way to articulate not caring about what others think is described nicely in this article I discovered;

Everyday Wonderland » What Do You Care What Other People Think?

If you have 10 minutes spare and caring about what others think is troubling you in someway and you are looking to gain some freedom from the shackles then this article is some good food for thought.

[nova]

To me it's a balance. Like you say it's unhealthy to be completely ignorant to others thoughts or feelings (you might end up with no friends). Equally you need to not let others around you stop you from expressing your own thoughts and feelings - basically being affected.

Through this journey of 'game' I have come to realise the importance of comfort in who I am over anything else.

[Hustler25]

Yes Nova, you're absolutely right. Being at ease with yourself is a great place to be. Like you say hitting the balance is key. Having total disregard for others can lead to sociopathic behaviour.

[Shark]

This was something that bothered me a lot growing up and into my adult life...and posts liek this really make me wish I found this site ten years ago!! Thanks fo rteh post dude and like Nova says it is a case of getting the balance right...but then again - most things in PUA are! :-)

[jj smooth]

I used to think people was talking about me all the time and saying things behind my back but whatever i think there talking about i try to find a way of making them not think that,

Eg. when i was in school i used to think that people was saying i was skinny so i hit the gym and got pretty muscler and now i get compliments on my shape which gives me confidence.Peoples comments make me stronger.