Discovered today just how bad my AA is!

[Trigger]

OK, - quick background, - only discovered this PUA business a week ago, so very new to it, haven't had the oportunity to open even once yet, but I'm working up to it!


Anyway, - I had a friend visit yesterday with his family & after I finished work we went to a local restaurant for some food. his two little kids were playing around and to the table left of us, (behind a just about head-height partition) was a whole table of young attractive women. Jacob ( the 3 year old) kept climbing on the partition & leaning over etc. So we kept pulling him down & I was making jokes to my friend like 'go on son, get their numbers for me' etc.
As we stood up to leave I noticed that one of the girls on the far side was a girl I work with ( she started a month or so ago) - Or if it wasn't her it looked a lot like her. I stared for a second and rationalised it in my head,

• why bother saying Hi, - she's with friends
• They're eating
• What would I say after hello?
• Whats the point of just saying 'hi' for the sake of it?
• Probably not her anyway.

I didn't say anything & just left.


Well, turns out it was, & when I asked her today if she was in that restaurant & she looked bemused - "how'd you..?"

I explained I was on the table to their right with the little kid & she actually got embarrassed

Her: "I can't believe I didn't see you. that was right next to us..."
Me: "Ah, - you were deep in conversation" I said,
Her: "well why didn't you say hello?"
Me: "Well, you were eating, & with your friends and I didn't want to interupt" - what would I have said..? 'um,.... hi,.......um,... I work with her... - it just seemed a bit pointless, so I left you to it
(I was thinking for some reason about having to justify my intrusion to her friends)

Her " you could've just said 'hello' ! "

Now this really resonated with me, - I was just so worried about looking like a dick by just saying hi & then nothing else. Which is totally normal!
This flags up to me how genuinely nervous & insecure I am about being viewed by others as.... <insert negative term here>

I don't know what negative outcome I could've expected & I have no issue chatting to her at work, she's pretty cool. I think I was just anxious that her friends might jump to the conclusion that I liked her ( just for saying hi..?) & that might make me feel awkward.

This incident has really rattled my cage & has made me realise how badly I need to start opening, just to get over my crazy anxiety.

Anyone have any advice or thoughts to share on this craziness?

I'm not looking to pursue her at all, just don't want my mind to be so nutcase-ish. Why shouldn't I just be able to say Hi without being anxious of others looking at me dimly ( when I know they're not even doing that!?)

I'm heading off around the world in 3 weeks, - USA, Nz, Oz, SE Asia & I really don't want to be like this the whole trip. I need to get over myself & just deal with it. What's the best way to start? Not books or videos I'm guessing? - Just doing it?...*gulp*

[daleinthedark]

Originally Posted by Trigger

Anyone have any advice or thoughts to share on this craziness?

Say hi and talk more to people. It will then become normal and you will be more confident/comforatble

[bambi]

I uesd to be the same as you my mate i used to have the worst AA ever!! I could harderly go and speak to a girl who was on her own and i used to make excuses for myself like " she wasnt my type, im in a hurry, bla bla"

And i know im going to get slated for this but i read the rules of the game and it actualy helped?? Not with getting women into bed but it helped with my confidence with talking to people now i can walk up to almost anyone and start a conversation

So its kind of like what daleinthedark said GET OUT THERE AND TALK TO PEOPLE once you can do that you can do it to a hb10 you have just got to remember that at the end of the day she is just the same as everyone els just pretty!!! Simplings!! Good luck and have fun my mate

[Trigger]

cheers guys. - I know what I have to do. but knowing it & doing it are different things entirely.

[daleinthedark]

Originally Posted by bambi

And i know im going to get slated for this but i read the rules of the game and it actualy helped?? Not with getting women into bed but it helped with my confidence with talking to people now i can walk up to almost anyone and start a conversation

I don't think it's a bad idea. Some members might advise against it as it can put you in your head if you are trying to improve you interactions. Overall the book is meant for guys who are really nervous about talking to girls - in this case Trigger (OP)

[Jynx-Manchester]

I listed to something that RSD Julien does, he takes £100 off someone who won't ale action and every approach they make he gives them some money back. If you don't approach you loose it.

Do you have anyone in your social circle that could do something like this for you or just to help keep you motivated?

Being on your own with a fear to approach is a very scary thing, you just need to realise one thing....

It won't hurt you and you won't die!

[Phil]

Just walk up to a girl sat in a chair, grab the back of the chair and say

"is anyone sitting here"

[nova]

Originally Posted by Trigger

OK, - quick background, - only discovered this PUA business a week ago, so very new to it, haven't had the oportunity to open even once yet, but I'm working up to it!

Of course you’ve had the opportunity, you just made excuses not to. Take action today. There is no right time.

[D!ce]

Originally Posted by nova

Of course you’ve had the opportunity, you just made excuses not to. Take action today. There is no right time.

Every time is the right time!

[Trigger]

cheers guys. a lot ot think about. am hopefully going out this weekend with some visiting friends, so it'll be time to put myself to the test. one big anxiety is feeling like I have nothing to say, so I'm compiling a short 'cheat sheet' on my phone (it's in code) so I can just glance and think 'OK, this opener' and just go for it. I know that once I get chatting I'll be Ok. & like jynx said above - it ain't gonna kill me!

I'll post any update on here soon .