Regulator needs help!
 

Ok, so I know this very hot girl from uni and the other day she emails me on facebook and basically asks for my help with some coursework as id already done it a year ago. I send her some stuff but then chatting to her online she says she "still needs more help"....

So - I offer to come over and help her at her house. We sit in her front room and i help her with work etc and we wander off topic and just have a general chit chat about life in general. Plenty of smiling and banter, i also get chatting to her mates to make sure i have their approval too, some kino thrown in there but i dont get too much back (tho i should point out i do get some - hand on shoulder for example).

But, at this point i know she still sees me as just a friendly guy helpin her out. Not really flirted with her but i have built comfort with her (she has been a friend for a while now, so its not as if were strangers).

I have her number though, and i want to throw out a flirtatious text to test the water and build some attraction. Desp need help on sending a text/ringing? I get on with her well but need advice on how to build some attraction and let her know im interested in her above helping with coursework.

Just ask her 'What's in it for me?' by you helping her out with her coursework. You can ask this in a cheeky flirtatious manner but still mean the intent. So many mugs (me included back in the day) whilst at uni would help out the hot girls (its always the hot ones never the average and below) with their coursework not asking for anything in return but hoping you might be able to somehow manouvere your way in there. Don't fall victim to this. Chances are you'll end up being flavor of the week whilst helping her out with her studies then have your status relegated once the coursework is handed in.

Women aren't stupid they know if they can get something out of a guy and not give anything in return they will exploit that. It's human nature. Tell her she needs to return the favor somehow and leave that suggestion up to her, see where she goes with it.

You say you've been in the friend and comfort zone for along time now. This is risky, if you really value her as a friend you may have to face upto the reality you may lose her as a friend if you insist on taking things further. Pursuing sexual relationships with friends can get messy and complicated and having salacious urges towards a friend can ruin a perfectly good friendship. Personally I don't like to complicate things with women in my life I regard as good friends, I like to keep distinctions seperate.

My advice would be to seek women beyond your inner sanctum of friends but if you do insist on seeing where things go with this woman then I'd proceed with some caution. Like you say 'test the water' or perhaps ask her 'how she's going to repay the favor?' Just to see what kind of initial response you get then calibrate from there.

Not sure texting is the way to go with this one buddy, if you've tried a bit of kino then it seems like a step backwards and it may come across that way too. Do not under estimate the power of being a cool mother f*cker.

Seems like you've made a connection there, however, what about inviting her and her mates out when shes not busy with coursework. That seems more of a natural step.

Just a thought.

I would say your'e much better off trying to build attraction when your actually with her, rather than on the phone. It sounds like you see her fairly regularly so just get the ball rolling. Let her know that you think she's cute and sexy. Plant them seeds; she may or may not react how you would like her to but if she knows that you've got a thing for her then it's up in the air and you can build the attraction from there. It is important though not to let this change the way you are around her. If she see's a change in your behaviour after you've hit on her she might perceive you as having a weak sense of yourself. For example if she tells you that she doesn't really want to hook up with anyone at the moment, or whatever don't let this shake your confidence! If she can see that you are unaffected by a blow out it's very likely she will be attracted to you because you are showing that you value yourself regardless of other peoples opinions. You are showing that you are an alpha male, and if she doesn't want to hook up that's cool because there's gonna be plenty of other girls that will!

Yep I agree - if you're seeing her a lot anyways then texting is a bit of a backwards step until you have progressed things a little further and you can use texts to esculate what you've started. I was in the position of being the helpful, friendly guy to some hot girls for a few years during college/uni because they knew they could use me and not need to give anything back. How things have changed! lol Make sure she knows that yes, you get on well, but that doesn't mean you're going to carry on giving up your time with nothing in return. Maybe something along the lines of next time you help her with work...'I am going to whatever-bar on Friday - I take it you're going to come buy me a couple beers for helping you out with all your work' Statement not question. Don't let her say maybe etc - or add 'Is Friday or Staurday better for you?' again - you're being dominant and telling her she is coming whilst allowing her to think she has a say in it by choosing what day/time/pub etc

This is a big thing for me as I was used for years simply because I was too geeky or stupid not to have some backone and tell someone who was screwing me to fuck off. And so it is a bit if a mission for me to change myself around - and help others in that position too - so let us know how it goes buddy ;-)

Cheers guys, sound advice and opinions all round.

Hustler25: Good point about not wanting to f*** things up with good mates, i have a similar stance on that but shes a friend who i rarely see tbh and i dont even know most of her mates. We talk pretty comfortably and always have a natter when we see each other, one of those people you always give 5mins of your time to if you see them around, and i see her so infrequently that i might as well go for it. Shes nice, hot and intelligent (blonde too :p). But sounds like a good idea, the "how are you gonna repay me" question could provide me with a marker to work from.
Summer Junky: I do see her, but only rarely, out and about, maybe in the gym or around town (she lives about 100m away from me). Gonna throw a masterful text (sorry dolphin!!) her way, a solid text can go a long way and shows calmness i think. Will let you guys know how it develops though.

You beat me to the reply there shark lol. But like i said in the response i just wrote, i dont see her an awful lot tbh, just on the odd occasion but we're deffinatly friends. But again, the "make sure she returns the favour" concept is a good one i think.

I was only thinkin of textin her because i dont see her enough to go and say it to her in person. Shes rarely at the gym when i go and as im not a student at lboro uni now i dont see her in my dept no more. Think she may be out on wednesday though (as am i) so i think i should include that in my text.....

AH okay - my bad, I thought she was someone you saw regularly and was local to you....definately go ahead with the text; nothing really to loose then is there :-)

Ok update on the situation!

Was feeling pretty buzzin today after my gym session went well, so popped off into town to do some approaching, but ended up only havin about 30mins in the end because of im a big ass dawdler.

Anyways i saw the babe in question to my surprise. She hadnt noticed me at first so i sneaked over to her and playfully scared her from behind. She loved it. Convosation was going well too. Was pleased as i gave of such great energy to her... Then i asked her

"so how are you planning on repaying me for my spectacular coursework helping skills!?"

she says....

"oh i dunno, many surprises" (said with a playful tone)

However i just could pluck up the balls to ask her out there and then!! Disaster i know!! Should have gone for it. However, learning this, how should i proceed from here? Shes now not out on wednesday as she has too much coursework to do!

HELP!

You don't need anymore advice/help - just need to "GROW SOME BALLS" as your rightly put it and just ask her out. The longer you leaving this, the nearer you are in the friend zone.

Much Success....