Help me out the friend zone - I need to do this

[BroadswordWSJ]

A few months ago I went out with this girl I met years ago but we kinda lost touch. We had an amazing time, a good laugh and never struggled for conversation. We honestly have about a million things in common and even think the same way, have similar opinions on things & even some quirky weird stuff thats quite similar too. We flirted a little & I tried to escalate things on by toucjing her every once in a while and even held her hand and had my arm round her at various points & she seemed ok with it & didn't shrug me off. When we stood in the taxi queue at the end of the night I still couldnt really tell if she liked me or not, I madly wanted to kiss her but I bottled it.

I don't know what she was thinking after that night...was she waiting for me to kiss her & then turned off when I didn't? Who knows. But I'm kicking myself that I passed an opportunity to kiss her - even if she gave me the cheek thats fair enough - its the fact i didn't act thats driving me nuts.

Since then all the fizz and playfulness has slowly disapeared from our texts, we've went to the cinema twice and become friends, and we text like friends.

Its frustrating because there's potential for us, and in our texts leading up to that night and for a short while after it was going well. There was definitly something there that night. The only thing we're missing is sexualness, intimacy - whatever you want to call it.

I'm sure everyone will reply and say that changing things will be almost impossible or to give up. I like this girl, being just friends is driving me insane. My only options are to try again or walk away completely but I'm not ready to take the 2nd option yet. I'm aware this could be almost impossible, the friendship could end and it could take a few months but I need to do this.

Can anyone help please? How do I get that flirty spark back & re-create The Vibe we had that night we went out? How do I potentially make this girl see me as more than a friend?

I'm thinking things like: Being unavailable, being busy, acting not so interested, giving her space and not speaking or seeing her for a few weeks, when I see her next Kino a bit more and act more manly and flirty etc.....

There's a whole lote more I could say about this girl, the night we were out, other stuff etc but this post is already long enough. Can anyone please help, or has experience doing this?

[BroadswordWSJ]

Originally Posted by Jaz

You have two options.

1. Tell her how you feel.

or

2. Walk away now.

I'm 99% certain that you will tell her how you feel, she will freak out and never see you again and you will then be gutted - but it's probably what you need. Anyway when she rejects you (she most defiantly will) come back here and we will sort you out. Then again, she may feel the same, you get married and live happily ever after just like all them Disney films.

Good luck.

Of course she's going to reject me! I'm looking for advice on option 3 - how do I change this?

[Barney Stinson]

Ahh dude I went down a similar path with a girl that clearly had the hots for me, fuck I was even told she did yet I was a complete fucking tit.(this is going back some 4 years)

Shit got kinda bad and felt real damn desperate and we hadn't talked for near a week or something and she was clearly upset about it but also upset that I wasn't escalating and all in all, found another guy to escalate for her.

Then I chose option 1 - I just fucking blurted it out man, I 'went for it' so to speak.

It was a flop but we remained friends and it was hard, annoying at times. But the best thing to do when you have feelings like this for someone is to just tell them. If they don't feel the same way then you's can decide what to do... that's if she doesn't flip out.
I realised after that it wasn't love or whatever and honestly this experience made me stronger with the whole love feeling thing; she has to be pritty darn amazing to get a single iota of feeling from me now, and that's extremely rare.

It's best to get it out the system mate, then move on. Don't go in with hope that you'll pull off some kind of miracle. Go in knowing that failure is likely but the ONLY way to move on and deal with it yourself.

I'm still friends with the girl and we have a laugh, granted we also fall out but so fuck.

Get it out the system mate, best thing to do.

Then later down the line you'll realise it was a dumb ass thing to do and a bloody embarrassing story that kinda makes you laugh aswell. Anytime I think of this story of mine I always say to myself "Fucking hell you were an idiot".

[BroadswordWSJ]

Originally Posted by Jaz

I'm sorry mate but there isn't really. Outside of being a manipulative slime ball I mean. I think my advice earlier is much better. You need to man the fuck up and put yourself on the line, she may well appreciate that.

Some people say the friend zone dosent exist which is a quite an abstract philosophy, as you have to be in control from the start. You have to be the one who decides which girls are your friends and which are your conquests. This is quite the paradox as a man like this would never be put "in" the friend zone so would not acknowledge "it" exists.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Just get off the fence and fess up to this chick.

Is that what you wanted to hear?

Not really no but I respect your post. I'm looking for ways to get the attraction, curiosity & flirting back we had before. I'm fully aware I let myself get friendzoned.

We were flirting on & off before & she pretty much gave me a massive hint to ask her out so she did have interest before. I blew it by not making a move, getting nervous and not making my intentions clear. And granted, all the fluff texts afterwards didnt help. There has to be something I can do to get it back, it was there before.

[Barney Stinson]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

There has to be something I can do to get it back, it was there before.

No dude, there really isn't.
I've been in the same boat, just tell her and then accept what she says as final. Best thing to do.

[daleinthedark]

I can only echo Jaz's comment, tell her how you feel and let the chips fall where they may.

Yeah you might be able to spike her interest by being off, going on a date with another girl etc. but do you really want to have to start your relationship by playing games to get her to like you? I certainly wouldn't

If you want to have flirty texts, I'll let you know what I do although I feel like I'm feeding the beast - it's what I do with my girlfriend for a laugh, I treat silly comments, texts etc. as if she was only with me for the physical side of things
So if she texts me to see what we are up to that night, I'll answer with
"all you ever want to do is stay in and make-out, I'm more than just a piece of meat - we're going out for once to listen to some music!xx"

[Shahanshah]

To add to Jaz's comment, I'd say you tell her your feelings and tell her friendship won't suffice because unless you tell her that she'll just have you as the friend that likes/liked her. Been there before myself.

[BroadswordWSJ]

if everything you all say is true & I've passed the point of no return....

Then I need to walk away. I'm not telling her I like her like some stupid School boy because she is going to say she's not interested & lets be friends. Or worse, she could freak out. I don't think she would freak out though - she's got a pretty good idea I liked her at least initially; she was fishing that night we went out to find out if I liked her with some subtle questions and stuff she was askingme, shes mega chilled out, nothing really phases her.

Walk away it is then i guess.

[daleinthedark]

you think you can easily walk away and not talk to her again? because if she's your friend she will text you and try and find you to see whats up and you have emotional ties to her

You have nothing to lose by telling her your feelings

You are however scared of being rejected

[BroadswordWSJ]

She IS going to reject me. I don't want the lets be friends speech, not from her. It would cripple me - especially when I know this could have potentially been more if I hadn't messed things up. I think she liked me, and I blew it - we had potential and I messed it up.