For myself, I find that situational openers are often the easiest and most effective type of opener, for many reasons. For a start, they don't require you to be feeling hugely confident or fearless to initiate them. Although I agree it's good to totally 'crash the car' so to speak, in order to overcome your anxieties, I find I can often end up never opening to begin with if I don't quite have the mojo to get the car running in the first place, so sometimes I need a jump cable, i.e. a 'safe' feeling opener, to get myself out there in new social situations.

I also find them effective: they are extremely socially acceptable, and can ultimately be used to gage how approachable a set is. Usually when I get a positive reception I can get into the swing of things from there, and even if it doesn't go anywhere, it sort of charges up my mojo bar a bit for bolder interactions down the line.

But I find that my collection of situational openers is limited, and I'm not very good at making them up on the spot, so I'd really like to gather some canned 'ordinary' situational openers to use on nights out. I mentioned 'follow ups' in the title, because it can help to have a bit of canned transition material if you aren't jumping on the ball quite as quickly as you'd like. So here goes some of mine, simple and stupid as they are, with my thoughts and experiences of them. WARNING. I'm a bit verbose. Sorry:

'What drink is that?' - Classic, universal, has all sorts of follow ups like 'oh, I've never tried a cocktail, can I taste it?' or 'I bet that's gonna get you really drunk! Maybe I should get one too!' etc, very unlimited, but also fairly obvious (which isn't too much of a bard thing tbh.). Leads on to chats and shots mayhaps, and often you end up isolating from phase one because people are getting served individually. If you can't easily follow up due to stalling, leaves a vague sense of awkwardness afterwards and makes you look a bit of a prat, but ultimately not too bad.

'Where's good to go tonight?' - This is by far my main warmup opener, which can be great but can also suck major balls. On a winter night like tonight it's going to be unpleasant for all parties involved to stand around in the cold whilst you interrogate them about something you already know the answer to, and can leave you feeling like a dick more often than other openers, especially if one or two girls stand around to answer politely whilst their friends impatiently trot off in their heels because they aren't interested, creating an awkward and rushed encounter. But it's not far off 'what's the time' in actual risk factor, and sometimes can end up with the set inviting you along with them. But that transition can be a bit harder to work with than a casual encounter, because you have to mingle and move, and a dynamic hasn't really settled yet, meaning you may end up dividing when you get to a bar to don't actually want to go to if it doesn't go well. Would appreciate more thoughts on this one, since it's the easiest imo!

'Do you have a spare cigarette?' - By far my most effective opener. Which is a fucking nightmare considering I'm trying to quit. Half the cigarettes I get off girls I don't even want, and yet I end up smoking them. What this opener does, is it gives you a chance to show off your charm in a playful and courteous manner, whilst testing for compliance, and buying you a cigarettes worth of their time. It's a good screening test for how friendly they are as well. It gets you into a quieter environment where you can DHV your quality personality a bit, and all in all is a primer for hooking up quickly or later in the night. But like I say, it comes with a big price. Cancer and other negative attributes caused by smoking. NOTE: Be humble with this one. Being cocky may work with some girls, especially if you are very good looking, but since you are basically begging off them, a bit of light hearted charm and self deprecation (in moderation) will create a good dynamic for a solid, charismatic close.

'What do you think of my shirt/shoes/whatever?' - Generally creates a bit of friendly interest and most girls seem to give comment, whether flirtatious or formal and critical, but often leads them to the question 'why do you ask', which is getting a bit too canned for my liking, particularly because I can't see the conversation easily going anywhere unless I'm really on form. If anyone's got more thoughts on this, it'd be great.

To be honest, that's all I've got, and as you can hopefully see, these openers are more about simply logistically opening and gaging the interest of randoms, whilst keeping it at a bare necessities minimum when you really don't need much canned stuff, but having enough of an inoffensive yet effective stabilizer for when your mojo is lacking. Please do share your own in this sort of theme, because I could really use as many as possible!

Them shoes are fabulous - Long convo


(maybe u will get R U GAY?)

just answer No, i just wanted to talk to you, now i am.

As ever, the best opener for me has always been:
"Hello! My name is _____. Who are you?" Although you can't be blind drunk if you try it. It devalues the confidence thing... I seriously agree with you on the cigarette thing. It works a charm but is not condusive to quitting! ><

I'll ask incidental questions and stuff like that if I'm genuinely thinking it. I ask for cigarettes or ask where's good tonight if I genuinely want to. The main reason I don't bother otherwise is that I don't think it makes a real difference most of the time and I find going up to girls to start talking about something I don't care about really care about a it boring.

My standard thing is 'Hey, how's your night going?' or something like that. Nothing flashy but it generally works. It's unambiguous, but also friendly and cool. Also it minimises your time dancing round the point and really quickly turns into a real conversation for real human beings. That's really what you want, because without that it's unlikely you'll get anywhere.

As far as where you go from there, the key thing to remember is to lower the bar. This doesn't need to be super slick right from the start, provided you've got the right kind of vibe about you anything will do. A casual observation about something to do with them or where you are, a small talk question, something stupid your mate just did, anything like that's fine. The key thing is just being relaxed, patient, and taking your time with it. I like to view a club like a house party, just on a bigger scale. When you start chatting with people at a house party you don't need an excuse to talk to someone, and you don't feel any pressure to be witty as fuck straight away, but after a while awesome fun stuff happens organically. Works the same in a club.

i dont even like shoes

All about the hair baby.