My First Night Out: Bar/Club

[BritishPakistani]

Background

I am of Pakistani descent, living in Sheffield, good job, strict family, don't drink, no experience of chatting up girls, shy, but been addicted to learning about PUA for the last ten days or so.

I wanted to go for a night out but because of the extreme consequences if word got back to family, I had to go on my own and outside of Sheffield. I drove to Nottingham last night.

Bar

OK, now this is literally the first time I have been in a bar. I walked around for a bit, spotted a bar that looked busy, and it took some guts to even walk in! I went in, there were people sat/stood around chatting. I got my drink and just stood around like a noob on the edge for a while observing what was going on.

This was as much a fact finding mission as anything else and looking at the interactions it seemed as if it wouldn't be too hard to start chatting to some girls as soon as I have conquered my AA.

I moved on.

Club

By now I had decided that I would make no further progress in bars so I asked directions to Oceana.

OK, I must have got there about midnight and it was medium busy.

I took the advice that I have read on these forums and just started dancing by myself. It is important to be having fun and so even without alcohol to give me confidence I just started dancing. And I really enjoyed it! I loved the vibe, the music, the lights, it was a really really fun experience.

So I am looking around for possible opportunities and there were some girls who weren't with guys but I wasn't sure what I should be doing. I maneouvred myself around to be close to some of these but didn't take it further.

In one case there was another older asian guy doing some cheesy dances in front of these girls and they didn't like the attention so I blocked him off. However, then when I made a move shortly after by holding my hands out to one of them I got the same horrified look so I felt as if I had been shot down by association.

I got some IOIs from two girls that I saw dancing in separate sets and at different times, a 6.5 and a 7.5. They were with a bunch of other girls but apart from dancing near them I wasn't sure how I could make my move. I danced close to the 7.5 and she had an opportunity to grind against me but didn't but by then tbh I think the moment had gone because I hadn't made my move.

Reflections

I really loved the dancing! I don't think I am too bad a dancer anymore and I didn't feel self-conscious as I thought I would.

I didn't see anything there that scared me. Before I was a guy who didn't do pubbing/clubbing, now I am a guy who isn't afraid of going pubbing/clubbing.

Undoubtedly the scene would be a lot easier if I went with people I knew but there is nobody in my social circle who I could go with so I will have to work on this. It would be easier to start off in the bars, make a few contacts, then use the clubs to escalate.

I am thinking that I should go next to a place where there are more asians so I am not blown out just because of the colour of my skin? Although I expected there to be more asians in nottingham there were hardly any so maybe I should try bradford/leeds?

The music is really loud in these places and I am not very good at projecting my voice, at this early stage though I am not sure whether I should be relying on non-verbal communication alone to pick up.

Questions

What should I be doing to turn IOIs into close dances?

There were girls with guys around them, some of these girls had just finished close dancing with some of the guys, does that make them unapproachable? What are the social dynamics I should be aware of?

There were quite a few girls in small groups dotted around the edge of the area usually sitting down. These girls should be prime targets for drawing into the dancing, how do I get them up?

[whistleblower]

Hi, and welcome!

I give you credit for going out alone to improve your game, especially given your background with your family situation.

I dont think you were blown out because the colour of your skin though, you didn't make an approach so you cant expect to get success without approaching. So unless you want to specifically attract Asian girls there is no need to go to places with more Asians.

Take a look at guys like Jeremy Soul and Matador, successful Asian PUA's to prove that point!

[SmileyK]

Easy BP,

You went out and felt comfortable in a club environment, so you're over the first step!

Pretty new to this myself, but regarding girls sat down that is a good opportunity to talk to them, rather than getting them up for dancing.

Keep doing what your doing though, lots of good advice to be found on this forum

[johnnyboyleeds]

Hey man, you have balls for going alone. Something I won't do LOL

Sheffeld isn't that far. If you end up heading to Leeds, give us a shout. I'm pretty new at this too, but I'll gladly wing you if I'm not busy.

We all need practice. Keep it up

[BritishPakistani]

Hey guys, thanks for the positive comments.

Re: going to places where there are more asians, I guess I was shallowly believing that if there are more asians then girls will be more accustomed to approaches from them, and I would stand a better chance. But then again tbh in Nottingham there were some asians around and most of them weren't dancing at all so I think this is just in my head.

Is anybody able to help me with my questions, particularly the one about how to respond to IOIs? I have done some reading over on the American PUA forum but I don't know how relevant that is to British girls.

Johnny, definitely I will look you up - thanks for the offer mate.

[aofelix]

hmm dont bother trying to separate asian girls and other girls.

for what its worth (and sorry if anyone is offended by my stereotyping) but you have a higher probability of asian girls being more trouble than they're worth.

don't go out specifically for asian girls, go out for beautiful girls and if shes asian, thats a bonus or w/e for you. they definitley aren't easier.

[Darkstar666]

Let me ask you this in regards to your questions.

Can you dance? And i don’t just mean shake your ass a bit ! i mean really dance... bad ass stlye.?

If the answer is no then there is your answer... If you can dance you should treat the dance floor like the white light in the poltergeist, don’t look at it ans for damm certain dont get on it.

AND HERE IS WHY...

Everybody is looking at that dance floor and i mean everybody.. Guys, girls and the fact is you can kill an entire room by looking like a fool on it.

Say you where getting maybe a small IOI off a chick on the dance floor and you go over and try to grind her leg or some shit, like the rest of the AFC's and you get blow out because
1. You just cant dance
2. you read the whole situation wrong

Bam your value is down you got smoked and everybody saw it ( Not good )
Now if you can dance and i mean really dance, tje you dance alone and show your skills. You DHV yourself and other women will be drawn TO you rather then you going to them.

Now if you cant dance and you like a girl on the dance floor even if she is with some other guy she is still game and this i how i would proceed.

I would look for the easiest set you can see near the dance floor with a great lock in position which puts you as close to that dance floor as possible where by she can see you.
Run all your best stuff and get a very high vibe going like this is the place to be! Not the dance floor, a place where your the focal point. She will this and so will everybody else.
Now you want to keep good eye contact with your group but keep slipping her the eye as well and make sure she notice's it. The when she leave the dance floor i guarantee she will leave it in your direction, she may not stop but she will give you proximity and the eye too (providing you should good game with your current set) and when walks past you stop her , Throw maybe a little neg " Hey they where some really nice dance move's ......... There where time when i thought you were going to hurt yourself like, but they where still good... “Then merge her with your current set where you’re the main attraction.
Now if the guy she has been grinding with come's with her acknowledge him tell him he is a good dancer whatever the introduce him to your girls, there is nothing wrong with stealing his girl cause you have just given him 2 or 3 to play with from your set.... And now you work his girl.....


Hope this helps

[legend]

I posted this before and I cut and paste it to this thread..!

CHECK THIS OUT. It might give you the answer you after.

Phase 1: Social Proof Steps
Many PUA’s appear to view dance floor game and the rest of club game as separate entities, each with their own rules to follow. I agree with this to a certain extent, largely you should be escalating much more quickly on the dance floor than you might otherwise and talking should be kept at an absolute minimum. However, receiving more positive attention on the dance floor has exactly the same effect as it would in any other social environment, without getting too psychological, it is common knowledge that women take cues regarding male attractiveness from other women, therefore, when women are seen dancing near you, and giving you IOI’s your attractiveness will skyrocket making the rest of the steps that much easier. Additionally, many guys fear beginning the interaction with a girl on the dance floor, and are not quite sure of the best way to get her attention, to start dancing or to escalate from there. All of this is avoided by social proofing the dance floor first, when the girl you want is already looking at you, then those awkward first moments are avoided and you can move to the next step. This step is achieved simply by fully immersing yourself in the music and not focussing on getting one particular girl , it should suit your personality (as an introvert, I prefer to keep it low key) and make sure that you are doing it for enjoyment and in no way seeking approval from anyone else.

Phase 2: Forcing the IOI
When you see the girl you want, and have built up social proof by drawing people in to your positive vibe, getting girls looking at you, with no investment on your part, (it’s not like you’re doing backflips to get attention), all you have to do is select your girl and IMMEDIATELY force an IOI from her, this could be by pointing at her, sticking your tongue out, anything that clearly acknowledges her from all of the other girls dancing close to you. This is important as all of the attention that you have gained is extended to her. Next, with the big smile you have from enjoying your dance floor experience, you hold out your hand for her to take, and all of that attention is now working in your favour to put pressure on the girl to dance with you (rather than pressure to avoid being seen dancing with a low value guy), then spin her in to you, ready for the next step.

Phase 3: Push-Pull
Another PUA term that is used most to describe emotionally distancing yourself from a woman, creating more space to pull her back in; in dance floor game, you can do this physically, by literally pushing her away from you then pulling her closer. This is the key to escalating quickly, when done right, after every time you push her away, when you pull her in you can physically escalate, for example, you are holding one hand at this stage of dance floor game – push away – pull towards and take both hands- push away – pull towards and move one hand to the small of her back – push – pull and move your hands to her waist, and so on, as fast or as slow as you wish to escalate —Disclaimer— Some Calibration Required — the reason this works is best explained looking through the eyes of a woman; almost all of the guys she has danced with have no concept of pushing the girl away, so they keep pulling and pulling, making the girl feel more and more uncomfortable until they take root and remain planted on her waist until she forcefully removes them, after this, she learns that dancing with a guy will inevitably result in uncomfortably pushing them away, however, when you are the one selecting her, and pushing her away, she does not experience that discomfort, and you show that you are not getting off on her getting close to you, that you do not need physical contact from her to validate your existence as a man. With this comes the ability to escalate much faster, without it being a big deal.
The physical push pull is where salsa steps may be useful, however they do not need to be more complicated than a simple spin towards and away from you, and gently pushing and pulling her by her hands, as long as that physical distance is created, the effect will be largely the same.

Phase 4: The close
Now, after you have danced with a girl and been doing your push-pull for a little while, you can choose to use the pre-selection you got from her to force the IOI of another girl (phase 2) and move on/bring her in, you could also go back to building your social proof in phase 1, gaining even more momentum, or you may choose to go for a close.
The best part of using push pull on the dance floor to escalate is that it smoothly works towards any of these options, particularly to a close. If you do decide to go for a close, you want to increase eye contact as you do your push pull moves, and you want to gradually increase the length of time she is pulled into you and decrease the distance she is pushed away, making the dance more and more sexual as it progresses. Ideally you will be familiar with the music you are dancing to and you will know exactly when to go for the pull into a close, (a k-close for example) it will be a time where the music cuts out, or has a pronounced beat that emphasises your movement (I will get to this in a later post) but when you go for a close, you want to pull her in closer than you have been, maintain eye contact and gently place your hand on the side of her neck and guide her as you go in for the kiss. It is that simple, again, with calibration; you will know when the best time to do this is. Then, before or after the kiss, you can continue or take her by the hand and take her off the dance floor.

There you have it, a complete structure to dance floor domination. If you want to know how it works then just think about it from a girls point of view: she notices a guy getting loads of attention from other girls ‘out of the corner of her eye’ this popular guy then selects her from all of the girls he could have (typical chick flick formula) and instead of having an uncomfortable grinding marathon, this guy is different, he leads her and constantly is mixing sexual pull towards him with fun spins and other moves (just like the movies) and shows he knows what he is doing by escalating with purpose, then slowly the room fades away as your eyes lock on until it is just the two of you sharing this moment, then the kiss is the icing on the cake.

Go out and give girls the experience they want and remember to always SHOW RESPECT for the GIRLS first and foremost.

[CovertOperation]

Originally Posted by Darkstar666

Can you dance? And i don’t just mean shake your ass a bit ! i mean really dance... bad ass stlye.?

If the answer is no then there is your answer... If you can dance you should treat the dance floor like the white light in the poltergeist, don’t look at it ans for damm certain dont get on it.

I've actually got to disagree with you here Chris. Girls don't look for guys on a dancefloor who are good at dancing. Girls look for a guy who just has really good fun dancing, and doesn't care what the hell he looks like.

Say you've got a dancefloor, with girls around the edge watching, and two guys in the middle. One guy is amazing at dancing. He's moonwalking around the place, all sorts of steps, dazzling feet. And he's so serious he isn't smiling, but concentrating on getting the timing of his next pirouette spot on.

The other bloke can't dance. He's hardly got a sense of rhythm. His arms are all over the place, he's nearly taking the other bloke's eye out every time he turns around. But, he's loving every second of it. He's laughing, he's having a good time, and he doesn't give a shit who sees what he's doing.

Who do the girls want to go and dance with? Mr Serious with his fancy pants moves thinking he's great? (And bear in mind, it could be argued that seeking validation through flashdance is in itself a DLV).

Or would they rather go and mess around with the bloke who can't dance, but who's having just a fucking great laugh?

Lets put it this way, I know who I'd rather have a night out with!!

I've got a real life example to offer. A friend of mine, Dan, isn't an attractive bloke. A bit fat, a bit sweaty, but dead sociable, and he's got a wicked sense of humour. He can't dance. He can jump around in time, but that's about it. He's got pretty much one dancemove, which has long since been nicknamed the 'Dan Shuffle'.

But you know what - give Dan a dancefloor, and he will have the fucking time of his life. He'll sing along, he'll get all excited when a song comes on that he likes, and within minutes he'll have everyone around him singing along with him to S Club fucking 7.

And you know what? Girls flock to him. They absolutely love every second of it. He doesn't give a fuck what they think of him, he doesn't give a fuck if they stand there laughing at him, which they often do. Because sure enough, within seconds, they're all joining in.

I'd say, therefore, that the way to demonstrate value on a dancefloor isn't to spend the next six months at dance class in a leotard. Its much simpler than that: Just get on the dancefloor, and be there on your own terms. Mess around, have fun, dance with your mates like a wally, have a laugh. Be sociable, be open, be care free. And just have a bloody good time.

Girls just wanna have fun mate

[Phil]

i reckon i get what u mean... but the better dancer would impress everyone, .. whilst alot of girls may think the other guy is funny... alot will just see him as a jester for amusement

i dont know wether liverpool is more judgmental than most places but people who dance like that usually get laffed at...