I went out last night for the first time after about 10 years with people I met from this forum. I expected that I would just go out and see how I feel. Going on a night out in itself was a big step for me so I wasn't putting any pressure on myself to speak to anyone. However, I spoke to 6 women last night.

The first one was the Universe helping me. I had gone to Boots to get some medicine and I was waiting for it when an attractive women called Charlotte asked me if the seat next to me was taken. I said it wasn't and then just said "horrible weather outside". It was really windy. And she responded and we got talking for about 20 minutes. Unfortunately she was in a long term relationship with somebody she knew since kinder garden.

I went out with Matt and Oz. We went out to a pub near the Old Stein. We were about to bounce when I noticed a girl sitting by her self. I went up and spoke to her. I said my friend dared me to come up and speak to you. She laughed and said did he now. I spoke to her for a little bit. I was nervous. Her friend came and joined her. I did the right thing and introduced myself to her. But I left as it was my first approach of the night and I didn't quite know how to engage her fully. Later Matt said if I had stuck in a bit longer he would have joined me.

After that we went more to bar sort of place. There Matt approached a girl who was in a group. She was stone walling him. Matt persisted. I approached two of her friends. They weren't interested in talking so I left them. I like finding people who are open to being chatted up. I don't like forcing myself on people. Although it is possible through confidence to break through the barrier, most people are friendly, I find, and I'd rather focus my energy on the friendly ones.

We spoke to Emma and Claire for a long time. Two attractive girls based out of Brighton. Later on I found out Emma was engaged and Claire was married. I realized I needed to ask them about their relationship situation sooner, so that I can focus on Brighton based girls who are single. I am looking for a relationship.

I spoke to another girl from Basingstoke who had come with a group of friends. She had a boyfriend and lived 2 hours away, so I wished her well. I was proud of myself for knowing what I'm looking for.

On the whole, I enjoyed myself last night. If I learnt anything, it is that most people are friendly and it is easy to approach provided I focus on the friendly ones and am willing to graciously leave the unfriendly ones quickly. Most girls I met were in a relationship. I felt that I needed to approach more women more fearlessly to give myself the chance of finding someone single and from Brighton.

I used affirmations to help me approach and they really helped me. I am going to memorise these affirmations before my next night out, and repeat them in my head if I am feeling nervous about approaching. Ideally, I want to give myself 3 seconds after spotting someone and deciding to go up and speak to them. Last night I was building up courage for 5-10 mins before speaking to girls. I was also nervous approaching groups in which guys were also there. I think I need to add affirmations about timing of how quickly I approach them and not be afraid of speaking to guys.

I am also considering getting some phone coaching from Wayne. I have huge room for improvement. I am only getting started again after a long gap. I think the key focus for me at the moment is approaching better. I want to go from maybe 5 to about 20 approaches in a night effortlessly (without having to force myself!

From today, I have a goal of speaking to appreciating one new attractive woman a day. I will count the days as Day 1 and so on

Name: Hazel
Start of conversation: Excuse me. I just wanted to say you have really neat handwriting.
Where: Train to London
What was unique: She had just moved to Brighton 4 months ago. A fashion buyer. Married to her husband in HR from 1 year ago.

Name: Chloe
What happened: We talked for ages. She has just moved to London for her first graduate job from Bournemouth. She loves life drawing and wants to do that in her free time. I told her that I liked that she is creative. She was into meditation. I recommended the app headspace and told her how life changing meditation was for me. She complained she just talks to people who are leaving the company
Improvement: A more powerful appreciation would have been "You're a creative person. I like that about you"

Name: ??, Lady on train with big bag
What happened: I asked her if the train stops at Gatwick. She said no, it continues to xyz. I said "I thought you would know as you had a big bag" She said no she was going to visit her family in Preston Park. I said ah that's near Brighton. I didn't know how to continue the conversation.
Improvement: I could have related to living in London and give a good I perspective statement ending on a different topic

I found a new wingman who is spiritual and honest like me we had a great time out together. He was supporting me and learning from me. I have a lot of theoretical knowledge because I have done this a lot in the past, but have a lot to learn and get better at.

So firstly I approached 7 women today, all of whom I found attractive.

1) Name: Natasha
Where: Shopping centre
What did I say: I just wanted to say you look really nice today. What's your
name

It was my first approach. I kind of froze after that. I hadn't warmed up the
1st 3 minutes of the conversation on my voice recorder. That makes a big
difference

Night time

2) Name: Emily and ??, 2 girls sitting in Pav tav straight ahead
What did I say: You guys look really interesting, so I thought I'll come up
and speak to you.
What happened: The girl I was attracted to was just giving 1 word answers
and had a massive scowl on her face. Emily the less attractive one was being
more open and talkative. But I was interested in the first girl. I just ended up
speaking to Emily as she was easier to talk to but I lost interest and just
wished them a good night.
Learnings:
(a) With a two set I need to take turns in asking questions to both the girls
and relating to the answers.
(b) I need to do the role playing exercise where two women/men give one
word answers and I relate and ask them questions. Its really hard to
continue giving one worded answers if you do the relating and
answering questions well.

3) Name: ?? and ??, another two set
How did I approach: You guys look really interesting, so I thought I'll come
up and speak to you.
What happened: Upon the approach one of the girls said we are taking a
selfie. I said no problem I will wait. Then I started talking
one of the girls sitting nearer me was friendlier than the
other one. Is it a mistake to speak to the friendlier one
more? Or should I engage both? Anyway, then in response
to Tell me a bit about yourself - What's your story? the
friendlier one said ... we both have boyfriends. And I left it
at that.
Learnings:
(a) I could have proceeded with good I'm glad you have boyfriends, I
get scared when a girl says she is single ... single girls are crazy I
keep away from them ...lol
(b) Or I could have said Congratulations! Let me tell you a bit about
myself. And then turned the question around and persisted with my
question to her.
With these girls since they weren't serious option (a) would have
been the better one.

(4) Name: ?? girl from Latvia in the One bar, joined by her friend soon after
What happened: I opened in the usual way, and then after getting her
name, I said you have an interesting accent. Where are you from? and then
couple of small questions. By then her friend had joined her and I hadn't
appreciated her as yet. My wingman came in late and she said do you mind
if we speak later. I tried to converse with her friend, but she repeated her
request and I wished her a good night.
Learnings: (a) I could have said "you have an interesting accent". What's
your story? to get a bigger commitment from her and liked
something about her from that.

(5) Name: ?? and ??, two girls in Bow Wow bar
What happened: I asked what's your story? And she started saying "Once
upon a time" I interrupted her and asked her "tell me a bit
about yourself". She just turned it around and said you
tell me a bit about yourself. Which I did. Then I asked
them a different question ... I should have persisted and
asked her about her self again
Learnings: (a) I could have let her complete her once upon a time story
been a bit more playful myself. And found something I
appreciated about her in that perhaps ...
(b) I should have persisted and asked her about her self again
(c) More engaging with "feelings" I perspective statements

Apart from the night out, I was with two friends earlier then they kept cracking jokes at each other, and saying stuff which was non-approval seeking. I want to do more of that. Also at work, a colleague of mine Nimrod keeps cracks jokes saying stuff which is also non-approval seeking. I want to become non-serious in my conversations.

(6) Name: Daniel
What happened: She kept asking me deep philosophical questions. I played
along and asked her a question back. I appreciated something she said.
She was angry and irritated about something. I left her alone as she was in
a negative space.

(7) Name: ??
What happened:She had come down from Edinburah for a hen party. Was
friendly. Works in HR. Married and has a nine month old kid. Tried to
introduce myself to her friend Joe. Was short. There was a tall chair in the
middle.
Lessons: Could have said "let me remove this chair" and removed the chair

Conclusion:
(1) I found a new wing in Alex
(2) I made 7 approaches today which is a new high for me which is
amazing!!
(3) I approached 4 two sets which is really hard!! Well done me!!

Actions
(1) Improve my I perspectives to include feeling and do solid noun
relating to break through the defences.
(2) Rehearse day game - stopping someone walking fast and slow, and
walking past me.

Yesterday -
Name: Katie
What happened: I approached her in clothes store saying "Hey, I like your scarf. What's your name?". Then we got talking. She was from Irleland, just moved down to Brighton staying with a friend who was cooking for her. I made her laugh by disqualifying on how bad a cook I am, and about how I just steam all my food. She worked in the environment industry.
Area to improve: Better I perspective statements and bigger questions

I had an amazing day today. I appreciated 5 women and #-closed 1 all on the way to work and back, without going out of my way.

1) Name: Steph
Approach: I like the colour of your overcoat. What is that shade of yellow called?
What's unique about her: We talked for ages. She is moving to Brighton next year. Is being made redundant in June as her company is moving to Paris due to Brexit. She has a boyfriend in Brighton, and she travels back every weekend. She has spent a year in India. She speaks a little bit of Hindi. She speaks a little French as well as her parents spend half their year in the south of France. She lives in Holborn in London.
Improvement: Better I perspectives ending on a different topic, bigger questions, appreciation "you're ...., I like that about you", an SOI and disqualification.

2) Name: ??
Approach: Excuse me. I like your Simpson Badge
Her: Thanks (smiling broadly, and taking her ear phones off)
Me: I like watching cartoons like Simpsons, Family guy. My friends think its a little bit silly. But I love watching cartoons. Have you seen all the Simpsons episodes?
Her: Yes, Simpsons is the best (and puts her earphones back on)


3) Name: Reka
What was unique: We spoke for 30 minutes. She's from Hungary. First job. Boy friend is in Nottingham. She travels 3/4 weekends a month to Nottingham. Wants to move to India just for the experience. I appreciated her "You're adventurous. I like that about you".

4) Name: ??
Approach: She finished a Sudoko in front of me and I said "Well done!"
She giggled "Thanks".
Me: "You look like you are good at Suduku. How often do you play?"
What was unique: We got talking. She was an acturial student at the Bank of England. Lives in Hassocks. The challenge with her was she was extremely shy. She was beautiful. But she kept giving me very short answers.
Improvement:
(1) Talk more slowly and pause longer - as that draws the other person in and gains more commitment
(2) Vacuum her - pause for longer than it feels comfortable still staring at her.
(3) Make I perspectives juicier as I would ideally like her response. Then ask a clarifying question which deepens my original question - sort of like a repeat of the same question but using her brief response. e.g. I asked "How are you colleagues at work? She said "Yeah they are all really nice". Then I answered my question. Then I could ask her "In what way are your colleagues nice in order to get a longer answer from her"
(4) I could literally vacuum her and simply say ... tell me more

5) Name: ??
What happened: I was changing trains at Haywards Heath and I spotted a beautiful women on a 4 seater as the train was coming in. I ran along the train and sat opposite her. Her scarf was on the table in front of me.
I said "Hi" and she moved her scarf, and I said at the same time "Can you move your scarf for me to place my laptop?" She laughed nicely. I said "That's a nice scarf". She smiled and said "Thanks". (a) She went back to her work.
I then was about to go the the toilet and I tried again saying "Excuse me" "Would you mind looking after my bag while I go to the toilet". I came back said nothing (b). Then I tried a third time, when we were getting up from the seat I timed packing my laptop so that it matched hers. She got out of the seat just in front of me, but pretty much at the same time. The Universe helped me as the exit doors stopped working. So I said "Oh no they have stopped working", and then when I tried them, they started working again so I commented on that. And then just as we stepped out of the train I said "It has suddenly become very cold hasn't it?". She said "Yes, its freezing". (c)
Improvement:
(1) At point (a), I could have used a presumption "You look like you are working very dedicatedly on something. Do you have a deadline approaching?"
(2) At point (b), I could have said "By the way, Thanks for looking after my bag" and then done the presumption thing above. An even better version would have been with an open ended question. "You look like you are working towards a deadline. What kind of work do you do?"
(3) At this point again (c) I could have used the presumption.
Moral of the story, presumptions are a great way to spark a conversation. I just wasn't thinking presumptions with this women, but 100% marks to me for commitment. I did really well.

I had another amazing day today. I got a date at 6 pm Yay!

I approached 9 women today. I really wanted to learn how to approach women who are walking. A friend of mine is really amazing at this and inspired me. Also, during the course of my day I kept noticing attractive women walk past me, but I would not be able to say hello to them.

Hit and runs felt beneath me (my pride) because I normally have quite an involved conversation with women, but only when they are standing. When women are walking I need to make a split second decision to approach them - so hit and runs were the correct difficulty level for me

1) Name: Eecer
Approach: Girl was standing opposite waterstones. She didn't understand what I said as she doesn't speak good English. So I repeated very slowly.
Her reaction: She instantly started beaming and became very happy

2) Name: ??
Approach: Walking towards WHS Smith outside Churchill square
Her reaction: She became quite happy and said thank you very much. I wished her a good day

3) Name: ??
Approach: She entered Debenhams, about to go down an escalator. I said excuse me, but she was already committed to going down the escalator
Her reaction: She started smiling

4) Name: Htiaf
Approach: She was standing buying Cologne
Her reaction: She started smiling very broadly gave a little laugh, became happy
Improvement: I tried to take the conversation a bit forward, but after I made the presumption bridge, it was hard to ask a big open ended question. So I fumbled. I had only prepared to do hit and runs. So it reinforces that I do need to prepare. Also, I need to figure out - how do I ask BIG questions in day game? If I can't what's the way forward? Is it I perspectives ending on a high point?

5) Name: ??
Approach: Walking. As I started walking behind her, she sensed me and started walking faster. I sensed that and immediately said "Excuse me" and the standard opener
Her reaction: She became very happy. We chatted for a little bit, but then she said she was going to meet her mum, but sincerely thanked me for coming up and speaking to her
Improvement: I need to jog up to them, walking faster takes ages and then I am kind of following them


6) Name: ??
Approach: I learnt from the previous approach and jogged up to this one, but spoke a bit fast.
Her reaction: She thanked me. She was positive but then moved on
Improvement: (1) I need to jog, stop and then s-l-o-w my pace of talking down, and <pause> a bit.
(2) Its not always because of me. Some of the women will
inevitably have something on their mind or be late. I need to not take things personally, but it is good to learn lessons

(7) Name: Blonde hair in slight pig tails, but attractive looking
Her reaction: Her face broke into this big smile and she said thanks
Improvement: She was walking a bit fast, so by the time I stopped her from the side she had taken 1-2 steps ahead and then turned around. I need to get in front of her and turn around, but that is the next level as my friend pointed out

(8) Name: Blonde walking towards Riki Tiks
Her reaction: She became very happy and said thank you very much
Improvement: Same as (7) she walked a step or two ahead, getting in front of her and stopping her is the next level

(9) Name: Anavi
What happened: This is the girl I got a date with. This was totally the universe as my spiritual friend/wing suggested we go to the Crystal shop. I first idea deflected it (dismissed the idea). But I got talking to this shop assistant. Told her I found her accent interesting and asked where is she from. Asked her name. Got chatting. She really likes India and was really appreciating it. I appreciated her and asked suggested we meet for coffee, and asked her when her break is. She said she only gets 1 break and that too for 30 minutes. So I thought the deal is off and I said "You need to eat your food in that". Then she said she finishes at 6 pm. I said "So I can come meet you at 6 pm here and we can go for coffee". She said "Yes"

(10) Name: ??
What happened: I said excuse me, I was bit behind her. She jumped onto a pigeon who fluttered away nearly collided into a dustbin. I said "I think you look really nice today ". She said sternly "Thank you" and walked off.
She had a very intense negative energy. Probably was having a bad day.
Improvement: I stopped, wished her well in my heart, imaged bathing in white light to get rid of her negative energy. I am quite sensitive, opportunity to build stronger internal boundaries


Lesson's learnt:
(1) Hit and runs were the correct difficulty level for walking women for me
(2) I need to jog lightly and come in front of the person, then speak s-l-o-w-l-y and <pause> with a big smile
(3) Most women 9/10 will have a better day for it
(4) I need to be prepared for the 1st 3 minutes of the conversation

Thanks for reading!

Hi ds508,

This thing you wrote about wanting to at least be appreciating, by speaking to, one attractive woman per day is cool.


Peace,

kowalski

Thanks Kowalski

I just had a date which lasted 4.5 hours. We first had coffee, then walked in a park at night stood under a tree and talked, had dinner, came back to mine for a cup of tea, read about tantric sex. Dammit we did not kiss or make love. I think it was on because we hugged for really long at the end.

But anyway, that was my first day 2 ever (even though it was on the same day), and it was a very abundant experience. She is coming to my party on Saturday.

Love to all

D

I woken up feeling ill the next morning. The date was really prosperous and it has challenged me emotionally at some level.

When I forwarded my text to her about the party she replied back saying she is working on Saturday till 6 and she will see how she feels on the day. She is a spiritual women and makes decisions in the moment, so that isn't rejection, but it is out of my hands.

An old sticking point came up towards the end of the night at my flat when she said that when I asked her out for coffee, she thought I was gay and that's why she said yes. (She wasn't being rude, we were just super honest with each other). Then she said her male friend then said no he is not gay, and the she said she wanted to cancel it but it was too late, I had already gone. We hadn't exchanged phone numbers but just arranged to meet at her shop at 6.

(In the past as well, when I used to game regularly I was trying to flirt with a women after the conversation had gone well and she said forget it man you are just gay. )

Then at another point during the night, I was talking about sex and we were discussing Tantra and my date said I was discussing things in a very business like manner. Then she said "There's nothing wrong in it being business like". I think its because I'm not in touch with my sexuality.

I woke up the next morning feeling sexual feelings for my date with a few sexual visions/fantasies. That I believe because suppressed feelings live in your subconscious mind and they surface during the early hours of the morning

If I was in touch with my sexuality, and not suppressed due to my culture etc, then I would feel those feelings/have those visions in the moment with the women and that would be much more powerful.

If I don't fix this sticking point I am never going to get laid. Period.

So here are some of the things I can do - my options:-
1. Read 3 pages of Art of Sexual Ecstacy every morning.
(For my readers, there is a difference between being sexual and being horny. Porn does the latter but tantra can be healing and does the former)
2. Use an affirmation like - "I am a sexual being, and I feel healthy visions of what I want to do to a women"
3. Do a bit of mindfulness of touch meditation
4. Make a sexual visions buddy - and whatsapp him whenever I see an attractive women, what would I like to do to her
5. For each of my approaches add a little section what would I like to do to her
6. Buy some oils and give myself a massage once a week.

A good role mode is to be like a Charisma Arts instructor Loki who was in touch with his sexuality, sensual, stylish in his clothing etc. He used to Kino against women's breasts etc whilst moving a glass across her and even got a women to unbutton the top two buttons of her shirt in a bar.

I have been ill the past couple of days since Wednesday hence haven't been doing the approaching 1 attractive women a day thing. I think I will resume tomorrow

This women didn't turn up at the party. I was really looking forward to her turning up, but I didn't feel disappointed as I was surrounded by friends.

Still need to figure out a way past my sticking point of being a sexual being from the beginning of the interaction