It's happened again!
 

Right, there's something I'm doing very, very wrong.

I'm reasonably successful with women; my current number is 106. But my conversion rate is absolutely dreadful - pitiful in fact. I know you can't win them all but there is something seriously up and I can't work out what it is.

So I generally use Tinder, POF, etc. and I've no problems whatsoever arranging to meet up with a girl. I have that down to a tee but when we do meet, 90% of the time, she'll say she felt no spark.

This weekend for example; I arranged for a girl to come over to mine. We'd have some drinks and we'd go for a meal. She even arranged to stay over. Within 30 mins, she'd said she wasn't feeling it and left! I mean WTF? I'm beginning to get a complex here because it's a continual theme. I asked her what was up and she said she felt no spark. This has now happened on well over 20 dates.

I'm not even sure where to begin; I mean it must have been pretty bad for her to actually leave my house!

Can anyone offer any advice? I can provide more information if you need it. Please be as brutal as possible; I need to learn from my mistakes and I'm currently not getting anywhere.

Touch

Are you touching them from the very start? Being physical and forward? I'd say no or not in a confident comfortable way.

kowalski is better at explaining it than me but if your not touching them from the get go and being generally playful, there won't be a spark.

I'm lucky that I live in in a French speaking city so everybody starts with la bise, a kiss on each cheek. Contact barrier broken. This works well because now whenever I meet a girl (unless in a business setting) I give 2 kisses usually with a slight embrace.
In a dating setting it's very easy here to let a touch linger on their arm and caress them as I pull away in a totally natural manner. Sometimes if I feel there's mutual attraction I'll drop my hand straight down to hers.

Hope that helps.

Good luck & stop counting warning cliche quote

You may have a point there. I will always greet them with a kiss on the cheek.

When she came in, we sat on opposite sofas so perhaps this lack of contact was a factor. How would you have positioned yourself?

Understood. It was more to show that I am quite successful, I've just got some weird sticking point I'm trying to figure out.

In my experience this has been quite a successful arrangement.

If you end up sitting in opposite chairs, you can chat & flirt, banter or whatever. Until you interrupt the conversation by saying "Come here" coupled with the come here gesture.

She'll usually come over closer & sit beside you, knowing what you're really looking her there for. I'll even surprise her by just pulling her right on top of me there & then.

It's worked out for me on many occasions.

Yeh, I can see how that works. My issue is, I keep getting this 'no spark' remark which seems to me to be because I've failed to build up attraction. I'm reading into escalating and how to build attraction, kino, etc. Is there anything else I should research?

Thanks for taking the time to respond, Kowalski.

There must have been an element of attraction for them to want to meet in the first instance; especially girls on Tinder / POF are bombarded with messages on a daily basis. My concern is that don't seem to be able to take things further when we meet. It's always that same message.

I don't feel a spark all the time but I'd say with these recent dates I have. I try to be respectful and show interest, but I'm not sure if I'm coming off as not confident or sure of what I want. It's very difficult for me to say as I'm not observing myself. I know there is SOMETHING I'm not doing well because it's happened too often.

I'll give another example; I was chatting to a girl for a very long time, we met for coffee, we really got on well. More so than anyone else I've dated previously. I arranged to meet her in Newcastle, we went for a meal and a drink and I could just feel something wasn't right for her. She then dropped the spark bomb the next day - but it was almost like she was gutted there wasn't one and gutted I hadn't displayed any sort of value but didn't want to be "cruel" and say "listen mate, you come across as needy" or whatever. Does that make sense?

Kowalski

No; I kissed her on the cheek when she came in and placed my hand on her hip. Other than that, there wasn't really any time as she only stayed 30 minutes.

When people say 'be real / authentic', could you explain this for me?

My feelings were, we'd chat for a bit, and if I felt at any time she was attracted to me, I would have kissed her. But there really didn't seem an opportunity. I have made the mistake of being 'respectful' in a standoffish way in the past but I just got no feelings of attraction from her at all.

There was no coffee mate. We hadn't met before in person, she agreed to come to my place and the plan was to go for food afterwards. Like make a night of it, drinks, food, good times.

I'd appreciate your ideas on authenticity, when you've got a chance.

Thanks

Sorry, just realised you were referring to my first date.

Yeh, a little. I mean it was only a brief meeting but we agreed to meet up again after so assume that went well

Everyone is talking about physical escalation here when actually i think its both personality AND Physical escalation.

A guy who is forward not only touches the girl but also teases her, Questions everything she thinks is interesting, And makes light fun of her little flaws (with a smile obviously) Basically banter!

If your personality isnt matching with your escalation, maybe thats why theres no spark.

On top of that start to not give a fuck about the outcome.

questioning as in disagreeing, she raises an interest and you spike her interest by telling her what your thoughts are

How was the siesta... lucky fuck.

Wish i could sleep in the day

Now we are talking about siestas, hahaha.

You are right, though. Internet chat is not 'real life' so I can come across as the funniest, most witty person ever on the internet but come across completely differently in reality. My entire 'game' at the moment is based on this and that needs to change.

If she comes round, she's clearly attracted to the person she has been chatting to online. If, like I say, that person isn't the same as the person she thinks, then of course there'll be no spark.

I've done a lot of reflecting... it's time now to work on my actual personable abilities, like conversation. Was listening to some cool PUA stuff earlier. I've managed to get away with what I've got away with thus far, purely by luck / being attractive / both being drunk. However I've identified a HUGE deficiency in how I come across so it's time to address it. More human contact, less internet bullshit.

I'm currently looking at

- how to escalate
- kino
- conversation, flirting
- body language

Most importantly, I'm getting some human practice in.

Does anyone have anything else they could recommend? Any particular PUAs?

Thanks!

Oh man. Seems frustrating.

The truth: Women can smell damaged men from a mile away.

We might give you a chance by trying to connect to the authentic "you". Especially if we have succeeded in building good relationships with damaged men before.

But when you are confused, or dissociating, or don't know who you are, or are calculating and meta-everything, we feel something is "off". Yeah you can fool us when we are desperate enough to believe in fairytales. But with high quality women - with options - you'll find yourself becoming increasingly frustrated, because your tactics don't work anymore! You'll only be able to attract desperate and profoundly damaged women without an own "self", who are so messed up they only serve as an "echo" to the men they meet.
Healthy women will feel something is off, and either call you on it ("fighting", "discussions") or run away.

What do you want deep down? What are you scared of?

Healthy women. Lol.


Peace,

kowalski