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daleinthedark has fun or something
Next month I turn 30 and right now I am single after exiting what became and abusive marriage. On the good side I find myself having an awesome pad, a job/career that I really enjoy, I'm in great shape and life it otherwise good.
I thought I'd share a little bit of my day-to-day interactions with other people (namely girls) because I find it interesting to read when other guys do it and maybe I'll mark some self improvement and get some introspective nuggets for myself... |
Last night I went for a 5 à 7 with my colleagues (afterwork drinks)
One thing that really helps my game in Quebec is La Bise (here in Quebec it's just 2 - one on each cheek). Because it's standard in social situations it means that you automatically touch a woman as standard. From here if I am attracted I will leave a hand on the forearm, or touch again frequently and ever increasingly affectionately if the attraction appears mutual. Last night this was the case, work mates and their friends who joined us. Rather conveniently an attractive friend of a friend sat next to me and the touching and conversation escalated from there. It helps that I have a rather neutral British accent which people find attractive. One point I'm at the bar and some guys sit down either to make moves or to get in on the patio heater. I return, introduce myself, take back my seat and they back off. I didn't ask, I just acted whereas in previous years I would have addressed it verbally. This set a tone of healthy respect as opposed to pissy jealousy... I'm interested to see how it repeats in the future It gets to late evening and things are getting a little touchy so I grab her hand and tell her I'm walking to the tube/metro and she just follows as we both know whats happening... |
Fuck yes
A friend shared this article with me from Mark Manson.
It's called fuck yes and I like the philosophy it's advocating. If you don't feel fuck yes about things or people, don't get involved. |
I like to take the opportunities IRL as well as dabbling a little online.
I'm not built like an adonis so Tinder isn't as fruitful as I'd like but OkCupid and PoF work pretty well for me Since I posted this article here, I've had to change my tact a little as now any girl who decides to google my first message or profile is lead straight to either other guys, this forum or re-posted article elsewhere. If anything I'm glad so many people got so much from it. Recently I've been playing around and having fun. I went with: http://s32.postimg.org/s22ajqo1x/1st_Message.jpg Which got such a better response than I'd hoped as a lot of girls tend to avoid messages which could have been easily copied and pasted |
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I liked Bumble but got bored. Should give it another try I think. Problem is, on the proportion, girls on social dating app are less attractive and crazier (got some crazy stories from Tinder dates lol) than the one I get from Day Game. |
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OkCupid is similar to PoF that it's a free service but it requires a little more investment as it has questionnaires etc... That said because of that investment in time, people are more active on it, maybe a little more serious, but ultimately more responsive Quote:
You should share your stories! |
Sorry to read about the breakup but looks like i was for the best.
However really looking forwards to reading this thread ! |
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Got 2 same day lay last 2 weekends and 2 or 3 crazy tinder stories... I might give it a try. |
Friday night I hit a comedy club for a giggle followed by my favourite bar with a workmate.
Going to the comedy club got me in the mood, good jokes and light heckling put me in a great mood. When I hit the bar afterwards, the barmaid remembered my name and my pint making me feel like it my local! The sucky thing about the city is that the metro here closes at 12.30 always cutting my night short. I wasn't really out for pulling but I watched the band and chatted to the passers at the bar. I had some great conversations with guys and girls and came away with 2 numbers. Not really too fussed for follow ups. The pub is an Irish pub with a bad that does some great covers - the highlight of my evening was this older couple who got up to dance and everybody just jigged with them and took it nice a slow - smiles all round. |
Sunday it was my 30th Birthday So I headed to a Dance music festival called Piknik Electrik. Made some friends, had some beers and headed downtown afterwards with one of them. It was a bank holiday weekend so i was expecting it to be heaving - the town was dead!
It's worth noting that I'd dropped 2 tabs of molly (wasn't planned just went with it) and I'm feeling great for it. Head into the bar and clock 2 cute girls at the bar. We're chatting and they instantly dig the English accent and we get into a good groove whilst my friend is taking 5 at a table. So I'm trying to decide which girl I should go for. One is outgoing and definitely on if I want it. The other is quieter, shy but I'm more attracted to her. I go with the one I'm more attracted too. Note: they're both American which usually works better for me for some untold reason, particularly at this pub. I think some of it was partly the MDMA but for the next 4 hours I had one of the best times getting to know this girl just talking, giggling and connecting. She was quite self conscious but given a little time it was worth it. I was disappointed it didn't lead to a night-time excursion, I think if I'd pushed a little harder it could have but I left with an invite next Month to New York so we'll see... I wasn't really sure how my birthday would be as most of my friends were out of town. Bar going home alone, everything else was tip top... |
So I finally got over my MDMA induced pussiness.
There's a girl I've had a casual thing with at work, out of this world sex, sometimes just a cold beer and a giggle after work. Recently our company underwent a merger and in some of the recent re-structuring I'm going to be her line manager. Not sure how I feel about this or what I'm going to do. Summer has hit which means lots of drinking on what are affectionately called "Terrasses" which are essentially beer gardens or decking in the city. I find it tends to be a little less social as there are less people passing than at the bar. But it's nice to be in the sun in 28 degree heat and the smokers are really social. Generally I tend to meet more girls/people sat at the bar where there's beer and music and when I hit it off, move outside. It also makes it easier to wander off and go home. I usually have an online date once per week now. Most recently a psychology doctorate who whilst a little naive was cute and super upbeat. I tend to start off with a coffee by the mountain and then go for a walk. I can get the drinks which are usually reasonable and go with the whole hand holding whilst walking and kissing somewhere picturesque. Pros: super low key no pressure, touching and kissing is very easy Cons: usually during the day so same day sex rarely happens |
It was the Canada Grand Prix weekend and I'd always avoided it until this year. I decided to go see some stand-up comedy then mosey downtown to see what the fuss is. Essentially it's big crowds and people selling crap with car logos on... not really my cup of tea. Everything's a more English for this event and it makes me realise that I cherish not being subjected to inane chatter when I'm out.
I bump into some Vancouvans visiting to have fun for the Grand Prix and staying with someone's family. It's clear 1 of the guys likes one of the girls but is in the friend zone hard and views me as a threat (who wouldn't I'm fun and exotic here ;) ). The other guy just wants to get drunk and pull a Quebecer, I joke with them about the horrible French accent and the way they squark "Ouias!!" like a duck during sex (a little racist but he likes the banter). One of the girls, C, is a graphic designer and we hit it off talking about "crazy customers", we talk a little bit about inspiration and what we like doing and move on to personal stuff and my painted ukulele. One of the lads gets shots and we do a little bit of jigging to the folk band. Whilst everyones up and I'm dancing close to C, I suggest showing her my ukulele over some wine and a cigar at mine. I thought I was up for a little resistance as she starts asking how she'll get back but when I tell her she can uber or I'll drop her in the morning she tells her friend and we slip away. We actually got to smoke cigars on my balcony with a little ukulele with wine and beer which was pretty epic. Here I use public transport or my moped. It's a nice moped that can easily take 2 people and doesn't really look like a moped but at the end of the day it's a moped. I didn't really know how girls would take to this but the general consensus is quite positive so far - they seem to love slipping through town with a skid lid and the sun. I think part of it is that it's a little bit scary/naughty going on something akin to a motorbike as it's a little dangerous but it's also small enough to not really pose a big threat. Either way, having my own nice place has a far greater effect than what I've ever driven has... |
For balance, I'd like to include some of my failing recently... just in case anybody had mistakenly assumed I was a stone cold pussy slayer
Was at a bar with a colleague and a couple of his friends joined us. I thought I was getting good vibes off of the girl as the conversation and humour is flowing. I slowly play with her hand and then hold it. She doesn't reciprocate but doesn't pull away so I'm not phased... I go for a kiss later and she just turns her head away. Never acknowledges it either.. I give up and enjoy the rest of my evening. Thought I was having polite and great conversation with what appeared to be a delightful lesbian in between a band playing. Intelligent and thoughtful but no chemistry. I reached over for my beer and she took it as a move and properly forced her tongue between my lips. Awkward apologies ensued I went on an internet date with a rather independent and strong willed fashion store manager. Entertainment and food was amazing but wasn't overly feeling the company. Begin to make my excuses but she's rather insistent in dropping me off much to my protests. Long story short she takes twice as long dropping me home as public transport and asks me for gas money! Just a funny event... On my birthday I met this Irish guy called Davey. He was paying at the bar and being congratulated. Turns out he'd known the woman he was with for 36 hours and they'd been engaged for 16 of those. Saturday passed I signed as a witness at there wedding. |
Enjoyed the read!
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Slow week really
Went for a date with a pof.com girl last weekend. Very beautiful but neither of us was feeling it. Nobody followed up. Had an fwb drop round midweek for what she said would be some fun. Drinks and partway into a film in she drops that it's the time of the month and she wasn't really in the mood. She apologised the next day but I might knock it on the head as I'd rather not entertain the assumption that we'd become more than carnal (and I feel that's where she's going) In the past 2 months that's happened 4 times where weather stopped play. Generally happens with online dates where we haven't had sex yet This week should be interesting, I have a date with a girl who speaks no English have been invited to a LGBT friendly nightclub. |
What does she speaks?
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100% francaise! Well quebecoise. She didn't speak any English.
I find with the francophone girls here that if it's on, it's pretty much always casual. If it's serious they want somebody who talks French as a main if not mother tongue. I have come to the same conclusion although I'm open to having my mind changed... For me it's a means to an end as opposed to really enjoying it for the beauty of the language. J'ai aimé le rendez-vous en français - ordinairement je trouve les rendez-vous comme ça, un peu plan comme la conversation se répète. La langue m'a donné un défi... |
Plain is not translated with Plan haha!
Other than that it's pretty good :) True that on a general term and from knowing them (being one myself) french don't really like to mingle and have to speak english. Although no easy generalism, I'm sure there are some that crave for some exotic meat haha aka the brit if you are pretty enough. |
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First tinder meet up
So up until this weekend I have never had any luck in a meetup from Tinder. Friday night was Canada day and after the fireworks I was just climbing into bed when I got a tinder match and started messaging.
The girl was Chilean and has just arrived in Montreal, didn't know anybody so I offered to go out for a drink or come over. She says she'd come over. The conversation was a little confused so I didn't know what to expect seeming as the conversation wasn't very sexual... At this point I was feeling a little bit suspicious that 2 guys were gonna rock up, beat me up and steal my shit! but 30mins later and she arrives up alone. She comes in, I kiss both cheeks and lead her for some rum on the balcony. She speaks absolutely no French, very basic English and so semi-drunk me has to use my full language skills to understand Spanglish and communicate back. I have my hand on her leg or arms and I was starting think she wasn't feeling it (but not pulling away) when all of a sudden she just jumps on my lap and kisses me. Overall it was a strange but fun experience and I like the efficiency of Tinder but it's also it's very saturated and it took a lot of work just to get this 1 hookup. So far every sexual experience I have had with Latino girls has been positive so I can see why kowalski lives in Cordoba |
So I've seen the Latina girl twice more before she disappeared to Calgary.
She usually shows up with weed which I actively shared with her a couple of times (a new experience for me) one of those being during sex. I've also been hooking up with an asian chick I met in a gay club. Fun and open but very intense - I get the feeling she wants more... I mentioned a couple of weeks back about a colleague with whom I'd been fooling around with but then was made her manager. Since then we haven't fooled around further. I had to discipline her the other week - she fucked up and had to take responsibility. She was given the most minor punishment (informal discussion/warning) offered further training and everything was based around facts. Still at the end of the discussion she asked me "are you doing this because of us?" My response was along the lines that I thought she knew I had more integrity than that and that I hoped we could work openly and well together as we always have. I don't want this to become a problem... |
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Drawbacks, she's very petty in how she deals with people and things. Tit for tat, last words, revenge. Although we have never had any issues with our carnal relationship, she would not hesitate to blur the lines, i.e. stitch me up at work or withhold sex for perceived sleights against her. I've stopped fooling around because she would like preferential treatment and I can't give that to her whilst holding onto my integrity. I also don't trust her to that end... I guess bottom line, I want as little drama as possible |
The past 2 weeks, I've been getting over a tonsillitis.
I knocked it on the head with the asian girl. She wanted more and I found despite being attracted to her, we lacked sexual chemistry and I felt like I was wasting my time. I met an Irish waitress earlier in the week, she was serving me and another girl I was with a couple of weeks ago when we got into joking about how strange mirror sounds in a northern Irish accent and how she's been there a couple of months and didn't speak French. I was back and she recognised me then we shot the breeze before exchanging numbers. Didn't think it would go anywhere due to her being hit on constantly and she saw me with the other girl but she wants to grab a drink and practice French... Situation with the girl at work has settled down. I think she wanted to push boundaries to find out what she could get away with. I've been firm and consistent with my expectations and friendly at work (as I am with all staff). This week I have a date with an Irish girl, there's also a massive comedy festival on so I will catch some events and a massive music festival on Saturday. I'm off to Atlanta next Sunday, which I'm excited for... |
The weekend before last was a music festival here called Osheaga; went with a group of 5 of us. I knew 2 pretty well but there was a friend of a friend who has/had a thing for me and won't let it drop.
She wouldn't leave me be and at first I tried to just avoid her (having already made my intentions clear that I wasn't interested). Cue late evening after I start chatting to some Americans, 2 guys & 2 girls and she again interrupts awkwardly and tries to engage me in 1-2-1 conversation. I call her out in her continued "clingy" pursuit of me which she denies, calls me an asshole and storms off. I apologised to our group for putting a bump in their evening and went off to do my own thing... it put me in a low mood but I felt a little more me. I think I needed to be a little more clear in my intentions when I first told her. I was polite/diplomatic which I am unsure may have given her hope. I didn't want to be an arsehole about it but in the end I felt I didn't really have an option |
I went to Atlanta for work last week which overall was pretty awesome. The people there are friendly and I gain a lot professionally from my peers...
My first night was a write off but the second day I was playing around with Tinder and got a hit. Was a curvy (full figure not chubby) 26 yr old who turned out to be a dinner lady. Thought she'd want to meet somewhere public but was quite happy just to come to my hotel. Learning from last time I open the door, take her hand to invite her in but pull her in close and kiss her. After a second of initial surprise she's down and we both ended up working the next day without sleep. Third day I head out with some other guys who were also there. We go to this place called wild wings where there's these 2 guys playing hits and parodies on a piano. These guys (in my group) are dogs hitting on the trashiest women in the place. It was a real seedy bar and most of the women were there just to get guys to buy them drinks. We were approached 4 times and asked "Hey wanna buy us some drinks?" 4th Day We go play some golf at a high tech driving range. I'm shit but our waitress is hot and speaks French. She picks up on my accent and sees I live in Quebec and we start chatting about where she's visited and I tease her here and there about her Haitian accent in French. I offer her my number as we settle up later. She tells me she doesn't think so and heads off to another table. Last night there and we head over to Wild Wings again. Tonight it's karaoke! I lay down Champagne Supernova and one of the guys looks at a table of women and tells us he thinks they're hairdressers. I head over and ask and they are. We talk and tease and thir friend sings. i pull one of them up and dance - the guys think I'm some kind of pulling machine but it's clear to me she's not that attracted. Our group go into their cigar lounge and by the time we get back the hair dressers have left. I chat t this girl and her mum as the guys head out. They know the waitress and when she IDs me (as is standard policy in GA for everyone regardless of looks) she talks about Montreals weed. I ask her if she smokes and then if she want to share. She's down. I drink some bubblegum cocktail and butcher a few more songs. We head back to the hotel smoke some weed, make out and sleep. Was a pretty nice end to the week |
So last Friday I had an absolutely awesome start to my weekend;
I spent Thursday night over 1 of my regulars. She's a French girl who's a real giggle! She also likes to be treated aggressively which isn't something I have been super used to but I've enjoyed playing up and getting into. We have some early morning fun and I leave for the day. The girl who I'd been fucking at work invites me for after-work drinks and given her leaving in 2 weeks I agree. 1 beer later and we're heading back to hers. I have to admit that despite being a live wire, she is probably the best sex I've ever had, our physical compatability is through the roof Thought it would be an all night thing but she has a hen do to go to so I drop by my favourite bar to grab a beer and catch the band. After a few beers, the band start playing and hearing a song I like I jump up and grab a cute blonde girl also dancing. After she invites me to join her at the table with her dad, she apologises that her dad doesn't speak English but she'll translate but they seem happy when I break into French. Pretty much her dad wings me for the night as he takes a liking to me and we drop her dad home in the taxi back to mine... I like how my confidence is improving into taking action and I'm really happy that my French is on point that I am now pursuing French girls who I would have originally let pass by due to my linguistic abilities... |
Last night I got sucked off in the back of an Uber headed home before enjoying anal for the first time.
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Good to see all is well Dale :D
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Last weekend I met 2 Germans travelling. I was being all social and awesome at the bar, so when buying a drink I struck up a conversation with a girl visiting Montreal who I'd spoken to earlier that night (and who strangely seemed to be spending about 5-10mins with each group in the bar then moving) and the German girl she was speaking with had eyes so blue you could swim in them.
She turned out to be a massive Elvis fan which meant that she spoke English with a more American accent. Either way she was a real giggle and I grabbed a seat next to her, turned towards her so her knees were between mine on the stool. As we were talking I just started playing with her hand and when a convenient pause in the conversation came along, I kissed her. Her other German friend was deep in conversation with another chap I'd introduced myself to earlier in the evening. He was lacking in game but you could tell he really wanted to chat up her friend. I tried to give him some pointers to just take her hand or dance with her (as it was clearly mutual) but he lacked the conviction to follow through. Later in the night I think he was a little jealous of how well I was getting along and decided to up it a notch where he went from not having any physical contact to trying to touch her cheek and brush her hair back. I like to call this move the "0-60" because co-incidentally she had an expression on her face like he was driving at her in a truck. I though as we were leaving at one point I might be in for a 3-some as the other girl seemed into me too but I think she was just being polite or unwilling to act upon it. Either way when I'm back on home soil later this year I may take a jaunt to Germany... |
I'm living vicariously through your field reports :)
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Wow I haven't posted since October...
I am making great progress in working on what I will accept and won't accept. For the most part this has usually been me voting with my feet, if I don't like something I'd just walk away, but recently I've focused on not accepting that behaviour by calling somebody out on it immediately (both diplomatically and less-so as the situation demands). Ex. colleague doing something without realising it makes my life harder, let them know what they're doing and ask the to change it, usually works fine. Supposedly meeting a girl who texts me 5-10mins before we're supposed to meet cancelling for a caught at work/friend upset emergency, I'll tell them its a really shitty thing outright and if they seem sorry I'll let them make it up to me otherwise I'll cut that shit out. I find it harder sometimes than other depending on my headspace at the time but it's making good progress. Last month I realised that with the 2 regular girls I was seeing for a couple of months there were feelings developing and getting trodden on so I cut my ties with them before it ended on bad terms. This worked in my favour as it enabled me to re-focus on where I was headed and what I wanted and follow some pursuits I'd let fall by the wayside. I've got a new apartment closer to downtown Montreal that I'll move into in June. I'm excited to be better placed and loads cheaper but also sad to leave my current apartment as it's pretty bad ass with nice balconies and a fireplace. My most recent encounter was last Sunday with a cute girl with short hair on the underground. She kept looking at me across the carriage. I found myself nervous to walk straight over and chat to her so when she got up for her stop, I stood too, big smiles and told her that she had beautiful hair, she thanked me so I gave her a card with my number and told her to text me if she wanted. She text me later that day and we're grabbing a coffee this Saturday... |
Not much to report... Coffee went well, which became drinks the day after then sex.
I have a wood burning fireplace in my apartment which I love and despite me finding it incredibly cheesey I'm still blown away by the amount of girls who want to be fucked in front of a roaring fire. My French is coming on although isn't as fluent as I'd like given the level of English of everyone around. I can pretty much talk in French and use an English word or phrase when stuck. It's actually strange to have very Frenglish dates/social activities but refreshing. |
So I haven't posted in a while just because my steps have been that small that it felt stupid just telling about a chick who hooked up or rejected me.
I have made steps at looking at the motivation of my communication. I am correcting myself when talking if I feel that I am telling something they want to hear rather than what I want to say. This happens more when talking to my boss and to potential lovers. 2 things that I have found have made massive differences to my "game" this year: Feeling Confident - I have some shirts that I only fit when I am in shape. Because I know this - when I'm wearing those shirts, I feel good and that confidence exudes through my actions in a placebic manner Swing dancing - I swear down, every guy with AA or problems with chatting up girls should do this. You are in an environment with usually more girls than guys. You become accustomed to having physical contact with people, women and hot women. Finally you haver to ask your partner to dance and unless you're a weird hairy crossdresser (and even if you are) they will say yes. I started this a little while ago and the difference this has made to my confidence and game is untrue. It helps you to feel natural leading a woman too... |
Hey man I feel the same regarding posting stuff. There's many nights I go out but don't "report" it cos I don't think it's necessary. Like last night I was out & although I chatted to a few hotties, nothing major happened so it's a waste of time talking about it. Plus I just wasn't feeling it last night.
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In fact, next weekend when I'm out I plan to say exactly what I am thinking, to every girl I speak with. As for the shirts thing. I remember 2 years ago buying a bunch of 15'5 slim fit shirts that I was way too fat for. I got them knowing that I'd fit into them one day. Then I lost the beer gut & fitted those shirts. Now my problem is that those shirts are getting too small around the top half, because of the increasing muscle mass. I think one day soon I'm going to turn around & the shirt will just burst open. |
So the other night I went home with a chica and I was pretty drunk. So after working my magic and giving her the best 20 seconds of her night, I head off to the bathroom.
After doing what I had to do I couldn`t find her room as the hallway was wobbling a bit, it was dark and everything looked the same. I decide to regroup in what looked like a doorway into the living room. Fortunately she came to find me when her roommate started shouting because a drunk naked Englishman was wandering around her room |
Marijuana
The past 18 months have really opened up my eyes to the joy of pot. I`ve found that overall it makes me sluggish for the following 48-72hrs so it`s something I`ll save for when I dont have to work the next day and especially when I`m not alone as it becomes a sleep aid. The best experience I find is during sex, particularly when the girl I`m with is also partaking (I am yet to use when the girl isn`t although it would be interesting) So far I`m yet to have a poor experience of weed and sex unlike I have had with alcohol. I`m not very good at scoring so I have mainly had to rely on friends to hook me up although recently one of my FWBs deals a little so I buy from her. Our next bank holiday here is the first weekend of September, so I`m going to get some mushrooms and see what happens there... |
I haven't smoked weed since new years eve 2008.
The only thing I've missed is laughing my balls off at nothing and the munchies. |
How glib.
You've also missed its protective benefits, like protection against and or delay of the onset of Alzheimer's, improved insulin response meaning a healthier metabolism and lower incidence of diabetes and obesity, protection against concussions and brain trauma... and like a hundred more things already proven, many related to its anti inflammatory properties. Then you've also been missing out on the increased creativity and verbal fluency that has also now been shown in various studies, stress relief, improved recovery from traumatic events, etc. Yes, it is also fun and sometimes you get the munchies... though with the improved insulin response people who enjoy weed are generally slimmer. Peace, kowalski |
I just couldn't deal with the paranoia any longer.
I wouldn't have a care in the world, then smoke a few strong reefers and half an hour later you're stressed to the balls with anxiety for seemingly no reason. While we're at it, tomorrow marks 7 years since I gave up the various amphetamines I used. |
I'm a pretty minor user. I probably average maybe a joint per week so it has a minimal impact on my life especially in comparison to alcohol.
I think like anything it can have positive and negative effects depending on use. For me it is positive. Tomorrow I'm off to Newfoundland. It's as if Canada and Ireland had a baby in island form. They have an awesome accent, a lot of history and a great social scene. I'm looking forward to having some interesting stuff to drop when I get back. |
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