The trip in question was simply too strong. I barely made it home in time before my entire surroundings became completely distorted to the point it would have been very dangerous for me to be in public.

It hasn't put me off public tripping, though. I do want to experience it but with much smaller doses. Like maybe 0.5g and hit the museum or something like that, where the experience will be intensified and insightful and profound and shit.

I don't get these MFs who post trip reports on Reddit saying they took like 16g. Seems a bit excessive in my as-yet limited opinion and experience. Although I do intend to do the so-called heroic dose of 5g eventually.

...........

It's not like I was completely oblivious to my claim of being clean yet continuing to drink my brains off. In the back of my mind, I knew I wasn't totally clean but I was definitely pleased that I'd given up all the other shit that harmed the shit out of my mind. I've always been well aware of how destructive alcohol is. In just the last few years my drinking has caused me a lot of problems. Remember when I badly broke my arm at the 2019 work Christmas party? That's just one example.

It didn't take me long to figure out how much more beneficial mushrooms are, in so many ways. As well as being fun.

New year new me

Was going to join a gym again after over 2.5 years out thanks to badly breaking my arm at the 2019 staff Christmas party, like a twat.

But I've decided to do something cooler and take up combat training. Probably Krav Maga.

Instead of spending money on the gym I can spend it on the local Krav school, as well as the money I'm now not spending on alcohol.

I won't be starting for a few weeks yet because I have a more pressing matter to fulfill first, which will also be documented here in due course. But I'm excited at the prospect of becoming expertly trained in disarming people of weapons like AK-47s that will never be used on me in real life.

For the first time, I'm experiencing the pain of job rejection.

This company I'd been in the running for just passed me over. I get that's life, but I'd been engaged in this process for over a month with 5 stages, including a complex assignment I put a lot of effort into. That's not an issue, though, I enjoyed working on the assignment and they actually loved my work. The issue is that I had received progressively positive feedback after every stage and was led to believe that everything was looking favorable for me.

In the end, I got rejected.

They seemed very genuine in their email in that I made a brilliant impression on everyone I met and that I'm a great candidate. They said it was unanimous that as the team grows, they see a certain opportunity for me in the future and want me to keep in touch.

That's all well and good, but it does nothing to make me feel better. In fact, my current displeasure makes me feel like I'd want to tell them to keep their job if they came back to me later. Like, nah, you ditched me, go away. I don't want to be some sort of second best.

Although I know that would probably be stupid and immature, and perhaps even dumb. It's probably just because the sting is fresh and I'm responding emotionally.

I'm in no mood, however, to chase around after a company that rejected me after getting so close, so if anything, you must come to me with any alternative opportunity that comes up.

I've had a hundred rejections this year alone and brushed them off in seconds but this one hurts like a bitch because I literally did everything right and still didn't fucking get it.

Maybe I'll sleep it off and forgive them, and remain willing to keep the door open.

Am I right to feel aggrieved? Am I being a dick? Should I man up? Would you keep the door open?

Is just business.


Peace,

kowalski

Yeah, I get that now that the initial sting has passed.

It was just that it hurt like a motherfucker being told you didn't put a foot wrong and everyone loves you, but it's still no. That was a real punch to the gut.

They seem keen on keeping in touch as they will want me later, and for the moment I'm happy to entertain the idea, but I've already moved on and I'm engaged in the application process for another company, with the expectation that even more of the 40-odd companies I've applied for this week will invite me further into their application process.

Had an ounce of some of the most potent magic mushrooms delivered right to my door today, courtesy of her majesty's Royal Mail.

What a time to be alive 🍄

I smoked DMT tonight.

The experience is difficult to describe, unsurprisingly. Not to mention, it all happens so very quickly.

To set the stage, I walked around burning some sage to cleanse the energy in my apartment. This was advised to me by the person the DMT came from. He said it was to block out any potential negative entities.

I sat on my bed, pillows propped up around me, making sure I was going to be as physically safe as possible. And began to smoke it through a glass pipe. The substance I have is a yellow powder and it bubbles up and vaporises when heated.

Within seconds of smoking, my vision started to vibrate and then before I knew it, I was gone. Based on the extensive research and reports I've read, there was absolutely no mistake that I was being consumed by a DMT trip. You're taken from your immediate reality and transported elsewhere. Not so much transported, but blasted.

Everything turned digital, and then all concept of reality and absolutely everything I've ever known was completely overwritten by this explosion of geometricity. I was kind of spiralling and rolling through different digital realms like I was inside a matrix of sorts. The speed that this all happened was frightening as there is nothing you can do to stop it and I was simply at the mercy of this journey, being rocketed through a vortex of colourful, geometric valleys and spaces; none of which made any sense.

It all happened so fast that afterwards I was just bewildered, not sure if I was going to be able to recall what the fuck had just happened. I actually thought I may have taken too much to be able to savour anything. It was like an atomic bomb going off in your head. After the nuclear blast had settled a little, I was in a room and everything was geometric and digital and it felt like I was in another reality, somewhat dreamlike but more intense, and I think wondered if I lived here now. This digital realm was exhilarating to be in. I stood up to explore and wondered if I was really standing up or if this was the tripping me standing up, somehow starting to get a sense of reality again. At this point, I wasn't sure if this was in my head or if I was seeing this digitised world through my real eyes. Then as I was looking around me, things started to feel familiar and over the next few minutes, the digitised environment started to melt back into being my bedroom again.

If I was to put it in a nutshell, it was like one of those flashback scenes you see in movies where everything is being rushed through before you have time to comprehend each individual scene within the flashback.

I wish I was able to put it into more words but that's my current recollection. There was some of it I can't find the words for just now, but I'm sure I'll find them.

I also don't think I closed my eyes so it might have been a different trip if I had. But ultimately, it was an atomic bomb, lasting about 6 to 8 minutes.

It's kind of enlightening that I first heard of DMT 8 years ago, believing I'd never get to do it, and now here I am.

K, have you ever done this mad shit?

I smoked DMT again last night. This time I loaded up the pipe twice.

The first was fine, we had some DMT meditative music playing and it kind of keeps you grounded because you can hear it in the background during the entirety of the trip and is somewhat comforting because the logical part of your brain knows you're going to be safe and you'll return to normality.

On the first trip, I used an eye mask. I figured I wanted to go eyes closed this time, and as I said, it was fine. However...

I loaded up the pipe again with a much bigger hit after my companion did two trips (their first didn't work properly and they didn't break through until the second one), and my second trip was really something special.

I went eyes open this time and in my opinion and experience so far, eyes open is best. What happens is, when the trip hits, it consumes your reality in that it warps and alters the environment around you and transforms it into another realm. This is what happened to me on my first trip last week but I wasn't able to put it into words properly. I read during the week that you often can't remember what your previous trip was like until you enter the realm again, and this is exactly what happened to me. Now I can better recall the alternative dimension that formulated itself around me for those 5 minutes. It's not that I lose all concept of reality, it's that reality changes into an alternative universe. One that is continually changing. I'm still trying to find an example I can connect it to but it is a bit like the trippy scenes in Inception where the world around them keeps twisting and changing and folding over on itself. It's kind of like entering a video game or a matrix, and it's all very geometric and digitised. I don't even think the Inception analogy does it justice.

It's an extraordinary experience, watching as the dimension you've entered bends, twists, and reforms, over and over. And the only thing you can do is look around and try to take it in.

I've taken and abused a lot of substances in my time, but this is in a league of its own. It's no wonder that it's considered the most hallucinogenic psychedelic out there.

It's nerve-wracking when you're about to smoke it, but once you enter the other world, It's truly incredible.

I took 3 grams of mushrooms after and at the peak there were parallels with the DMT world. I don't know if this was because I had been to the realm an hour beforehand but I went and lay down and enjoyed a nice journey inside my head.

I do need to find a better pipe with which to vape DMT. One that has a filter and cools the smoke.

Do you think it is weird that Evil Spirits give a shit about sage? Some kind of demon trapped in our world to terrorise the living, "but ... what's that ... a whisp of sage? ... I'm out".

I only tried it a couple of times and didn't really get the full experience. One time someone didn't tell me what it was, which I did not appreciate but also I stopped smoking it as soon as I got the taste. The second time I knew what it was and didn't hit it that hard. Neither time was a good moment to be taking DMT with where I was both physically and mentally on those 2 occasions. So I'm glad I didn't blast off.

Also, currently I only take really small shroom doses. For a while now I haven't felt any interest in an intense experience. I think part of the reason to do that in the past was scarcity. Now that for a few years I always have them available I've settled in to a pattern that I believe is the most useful for me right now ... who fucking knows though!

I think that because, outside of work, I am maybe the most focused and productive that I have been in my adult life. There's a lot of factors as to why that would be the case right now but one of them, I believe, is the shroom tinged insights and perspective I am getting.


Peace,

kowalski

I'm dating a London lass who's into spirituality and burns sage and uses runes and healing stones and all that. She's all up in that good-energy stuff. I'd normally have been sceptical about most of that kind of stuff but being open-minded I'm open to listening and learning, especially when she mentioned astral-projection meditation. Which sounds cool AF and something I'd definitely like to try out. Despite my previous scepticism, her spirituality is one of the things I find very sexy about her.

My trip companion told me a similar story - a friend of a friend was handed one of these DMT vape pens and was told it was an ordinary nicotine one. So he smoked it and tripped balls in work, in like, a factory or warehouse. Only a complete cunt would do that to another person. This stuff is not to be fucked with.

My trips so far have been short. I've read that DMT trips last anywhere from 15 minutes, to 45 minutes, to an hour. But I believe those articles are written by people who have never done DMT. I may have limited experience, but I think the max is going to be around the 15-minute range. Mike Tyson does 5-MeO-DMT (The Toad) regularly and has said many times that it's 15 minutes long, and 5-MeO is the top dawg of DMT. I'm sure I'll try to attain different variations and experiment with them. I know one thing, to spend 15 minutes inside the digital dimension I've visited would be remarkable.

Mushrooms keep making me sick, man. Anything over 1.5g and I will throw up during my trip. I've tried straining, adding ginger, and honey, slamming the tea, sipping the tea, and I haven't yet found a way to consume a trip dose without puking. I can take a gram without puking. I mean, it's not the end of the world but it would be nice if I could trip without nausea.

Similar to you, though, I like microdosing and doing smaller doses where you can still function. My micro's are anything from 0.05 to 0.15; I'm still experimenting to find my sweet spot. I took 0.2 recently and drove soon after, and it was a bit too much. Microdosing makes me feel peaceful within and I think I might actually be happy to just continue with dosing anything up to 1g (so I won't be sick) and then just visit the DMT realm every now and again. Although I'm still intrigued by, and will probably do the so-called 5-gram heroic dose of mushrooms, just to experience it.

Since the first week of May, I drunk alcohol for one weekend. That's one of the many, and biggest positives to come from all this. For I was a problem drinker, I just can't do moderation.