I'm seriously contemplating studying for another degree, this time a BA in History.

I know for certain that I'd really enjoy this as an academic journey, since my current primary hobby is studying history for fun. However, I need to give some serious thought to the question of... do I REALLY want to study history academically, or am I just getting over-enthused as a result of how actively and keenly interested I am in Totalitarianism and the atrocities of the last century.

I don't think I should let this moment pass without highlighting that the 1st August 2020 marked exactly ten years since I stopped using problematic drugs.

On the 1st of August 2010, after sneaking out the back door of a party in the early hours of a Sunday morning thanks to the rapid onset of an intensifying paranoia, and setting out on the journey home before daylight broke so that I could spend the next two or three days hiding in a cupboard, I was lying on the sofa staring at the ceiling with that unwelcome but familiar feeling of mental imbalance derived from the chronic psychosis I'd developed as a result of years taking large quantities of substances.

As I lay there that morning contemplating my existence using the last two braincells that had not yet been burned out of my head, I asked myself how did things get as bad as this, and what was I going to do about it.

Well those two braincells became heroes that day, when they teamed up and forced me to quit right there and then. It was essential that this shit didn't continue, I'd already screwed up so much already that the only way I could go from this point onwards would be down even further, maybe even to the grave. Ten years of burning the candle at both ends living on the edge had now reached it's conclusion, and somehow I knew with absolute certainty that this would be the last time I was ever going to go through this self-inflicted mental anguish ever again. The rock bottom period of my life had become rock solid determination to say goodbye to who I was, and I did it. Full stop.

Shout out to the legend that is Eminem, who's excellent album 'Recovery' was playing as I made that decision that morning, making this record truly symbolic to me

Congrats man, I'm coming on a year sober myself. Awesome achievement.

Thanks bro. Well done on your first successful year.

“Problematic drugs” lol, you consume alcohol... the world’s most problematic drug. Wank your little dicky in private, please, this is not chaturbate.


Peace,

kowalski

They were problematic to me at that time.

You might say I'm a hypocrite because I do technically still consume "drugs", and whilst I do probably drink more booze than I should, it's never caused me the mental issues that amphetamines eventually did.

I went and enrolled on this just now. If I do go ahead with it I'll be starting to study in October.

I didn't hit the send button on the student finance application just yet though, I want to see if I can get a chat with them on the phone in the morning first. I'd feel a little more comfortable knowing exactly where I stand before entering into a contract.

So it's been 7 weeks now and I done this for 5 of them.

It's pretty awesome. The sleep you get is of the highest quality.

You definitely can get more done in the day, although after a few weeks my focus waned and my morning schedule became a little more scattered than before.

I'd get up, get my meditation done, get showered, breakfast, then clutch at straws as to how I filled the next 2 hours. I'd of course do things I wanted to do like reading or researching business ideas or studying, but without real purpose or drive in what I chose to do.

I had a major realisation that focus is what I need to work on right now. For instance, I've enrolled on a history degree, I've applied to volunteer at the museum, I've started out on a new career, I'm looking at side-business ideas, I have a mammoth reading list, I have unfinished courses, I'm writing something, and probably other smaller things.

Having started with a brand new company that will grow and I'll have the opportunity to grow with, I think I could probably let the business thing slide for now and be content with the position I'm currently in, and just shut the fuck up and read my books and enjoy my free time instead of making myself anxious feeling like I need to be doing more on the side.

As for the 5am club, and even your day in general, making a damn schedule to follow is worthwhile.

It's also the longest I've ever sustained regular meditation too. I feel it's helped me a little bit so far, but I think I'll need to do this for much longer in order to fully evaluate the true benefits.

Why and how do u meditate?

I get out of bed at 5:05am, have a quick splash of water on my face and rinse with some mouthwash.

Then I jump on my bed and get comfortable, propping pillows up against the headboard.

I'll pop in earplugs, set my timer for anything from 10 to 15 minutes (usually 10, 12 or 15), turn the lamp by my bed off, and hit start on the timer by 5:10am.

Eyes closed. Sitting still. Sometimes hands resting on a pillow on my lap. Sometimes hands resting either side of me on the bed, palms facing up. Often I'll spend most of the time thinking about stuff, which is what you don't want to be doing, but I'm getting much better resisting the temptation to explore the thoughts. I now have more sessions where for most of it I was able to maintain the thoughtless state for the majority of the time. Having said that, I've had sessions where I did nothing but think the whole time and still felt good afterwards, purely, I assume, because of how relaxed I was.

The reason is that I've dabbled in meditation multiple times over the last 10 years and recall experiencing positive effects after a number of weeks, but I never maintained it long term no matter how strongly I pledged to. This time however, I will stick with it, never doing it any less than 4 times a week.