Starting from nothing
 

I have decided to start a journal on here as I feel and hope it will encourage me to put in more effort and move forward with my life in every area, but especially with women and dating.

A little background; I have been single for a long time, pretty much my whole adult life. Have been shy in that time, also not the most sociable person, have recently realized I've never in my life approached a girl or asked one out, I have for some reason been waiting for them to approach me.

I have been on dating sites for years, got involved with a girl and had a relationship type thing, in every way apart from the fact we hadn't met. But we talked online and on the phone every day. It was a relationship without any of the good stuff. It lasted years and was not helpful. We have since met, but only after it was clear it would never be more than friends.

I am now not looking for anything long term but just want to date and share experiences with girls.

A few months ago I met a girl on a dating site and arranged to meet up, it turned out she was just here as a student and would be leaving after a few months, but we had a great time. It was really easy spending time with her. I wasn't sure exactly what it was from the beginning, whether she just saw it as friends or something more and I have never just kissed a girl out of no where. Anyway I never did kiss her, even though there were many times I felt I probably should have and could have, I felt I had left it so long the moment had passed and other excuses. So we saw each other quite a few more times and eventually she left.

I have taken many positives from it for example we touched a lot, including holding hands, hugging, lots of general body contact, a lot of which I instigated and we also laughed so much. We also spent the night together, sleeping in the same bed, which I had never done before (I feel I probably should have made a move, sometimes I feel a bit bad I didn't as she might have taken this as some sort of rejection) The whole experience with her has improved my confidence so much, I actually feel like girls could like me and that I am a great prospect for them to hang out and have a really great time with.

So that brings it up to now, I am still on dating sites and am talking to a few girls.

I'd really like to approach girls in public at some point, I have still never done this. Feel like the time to start with this may be close, as I have been tempted a few times recently by girls I've walked past and have had things to say on the tip of my tongue but just didn't.

Haha man, that post could have been me at 30.

I'm 35 from Hampshire originally, will private message you later.

This was a week ago now.

Went on a date/met a woman I have been talking to via text for a month and a half. We have also talked on the phone a few times and it had been good, so it made sense to meet up. We had met through a dating site.

It was fun, we laughed a lot and the conversation was constant, we met in a cafe and then walked about and went to a park and had a picnic, where we chatted and listened to music.

I got the feeling she has a relationship in mind, whereas I just went to it as meeting someone I have been talking to and see what happens.

She talked about getting me new clothes and a haircut and getting me to the gym, which is very off putting, I don't like people trying to control or change me and would never let that happen. She is fun to hang out with though and attractive, I just get the vibe of a kind of master and apprentice thing, where she wants to control how I am and make me suitable for her.

We didn't kiss or anything, although she suggested we go into a service at an evangelical church and start making out in the middle of the service. Luckily there was no service on at the time, as I was not really up for that.

I feel like if anything were to happen it would be on her terms, with her in control and I don't think I am comfortable with or interested in that kind of relationship.

I am a massive over-thinker and there were things she said which mad alarm bells ring, such as her wanting a baby, also suggesting that if she were in a better position in life she would be meeting better people than me.

I wrote that just after the date and the next part today

I made it quite clear i want to be friends and just hang out, but in the week since she has been texting constantly, telling me she wants to cuddle with me, over sharing many things from her life. It feels like she is becoming attached. It's making even the prospect of being friends awkward and just having fun together is off the table as far as i'm concerned.

Not sure i even want to meet up again as it might give the wrong impression.

Does this happen to other guys a lot? How should i deal with it? Is it better to stop talking to her and not see her again?

The fact she's a bit over bearing isn't good.

Do you wany anything more form this, ie sex or just friends?

If you want to just be friends, tell her now, and politely.

OK the following is intended to help:

Long run up you took there. It's ok more experienced guys taking time with texting if either party flakes out for a bit, bit be careful you're not dragging it out through fear and anticipation.

Well…not to be blunt, but do you look a mess? It's not uncommon with newbies, I've met one or two with pathetic style and gross personal hygiene.

On the control thing, she has no choice because she knows you are not comfortable with leading. Her mothering side is driving her attraction to you but eventually this will fizzle out if she is somewhat normal.

That's fun, you should have totally done it!

That's the point. You use control to keep anything you don't want to acknowledge abut yourself under wraps. Been there. It's why she is irritating you and you are pushing her away.

She does sound like a bundle of drama but for me it's not about that, it's about who you are and who you are trying to become.

I was talking to the woman I met up with for a few more weeks and it became clear she wanted more than just a friendship, I never reciprocated her flirting or suggested I wanted anything more, but I wasn't very clear to be honest, even though I had said when we met that we should just be friends.

She kept asking to talk on the phone, as we were mostly texting and using whatsapp, I kept putting off talking on the phone and meeting up again, mostly because I have been busier than usual lately, but also because I was not THAT interested in either. She eventually asked if there was a problem and I was honest and told her I felt she was becoming attached and that I felt there was nothing more than friendship there.

She was clearly quite annoyed by this and went on a bit of a rant to which there was nothing I could say without getting into an argument, so I didn't engage and we haven't spoken since, that was on friday before last.

Also the girl I have known for years who I mentioned in my first post, who I was pretty much in love with for a long time, asked me recently if I would still want a relationship with her. I told her no, this kind of thing has come up several times over the years and I have found it is little more than an ego boost for her and me getting my hopes up. This will never go anywhere and I really don't even want it any more. We are still friends and have met up again since and it is so much better to just be friends with her.

I have for many years now been on various dating sites and I have decided they are something that is holding me back. It's just so much easier to be on them browsing through photos and messaging from the safety of my home. But I asked myself do I actually really want to talk to any of these girls? Do I really know if there is any real attraction there? The answer to both was no. These sites are just tools of avoidance for me, I really hope I don't go back to them.

I should be talking to girls I am attracted to that I actually meet, communicating with them in person and finding out in seconds whether there is anything there, not waiting weeks to find out.

Time to get out and talk to new girls

Take some action now.