Decided to put a quick update.

I've not been doing much 'gaming'
I've been working on life 'life situation' as Eckhart Tolle puts it.

I left my comfortable but not challenging permanent job last week.
I'm going to go contracting, doing the same thing.

I'm hoping the change of scenery will make me feel more fulfilled. The great thing is, if it doesn't I know I'm not afraid to take action and leave and try the next thing. This is such a positive feeling I don't even know how to put it into words. kowalski would know!

The house (in the sticks) I own with my twin brother has now had an offer accepted. This means I'll be able to move to London soon, where I'll be working. I'm going to rent not buy; financially / logically it's the wrong decision. Money and logic isn't going to make me feel fulfilled. I'll rent and if things don't work out I'll move on.

To get this back on message. I was at v-festival last weekend. I wasn't drinking to start with then realised the obvious everyone else was drunk. When I drank it became more fun.

I wasn't thinking about 'gaming' so missed an opportunity which pisses me off.
I was at the bar when a cute girl came up behind me and said 'Out the way bitches' She said 'bitches' in a slurred drunken manor which sounded like 'Out the way babes'.
Her fat friend said to be, 'Did she just say out the way babes?!', in the past I would have just been logical and defended cute girl with 'no, she said bitches'. That would have been lame. So I just said something weird.... 'No she said out the way Mr Mark!'
They thought this was amazing. Cute girl said 'you go first at the bar' I did.
Her fat friend proceeded to push cute girl into me and cute girl didn't seem too mind. (This reminded me of drunken days at the student union bars, being molested and molesting fellow students)

For some reason at this point, I did fuck all. There is just no excuse for that, Mark never let that happen again.

Anyway I'm off to finish reading 1984.

Mark

On the right path mate...give me a shout when you're back in London

Will do mate

I split this into four parts. This post is dis-organised like my present life.

Part 1
Have been pretty busy with stuff but ended up going out last night. Wasn't really feeling up for it as am still getting over a cold, but the weather was good so went for it.

Love Struck were doing an event in London. Basically anyone with a red straw in their drink was single. This obviously made the first few approaches quite easy.

I started deliberately approaching anyone and didn't bother looking at their straws I also didn't mention the dating website and tried to avoid anything dull like that.

I was using the 'are you friendly line' which is obviously canned but whatever. I really wasn't in to it.

There were some self-amusing interactions. I wasn't really into some of the women. I did notice a few women kept looking back over at us, but I just wasn't interested.

The positives out of last night are, I went out when I couldn't be bothered too and had an okay time and spoke to lots of women.

Part 2
Friday morning I received a blank email message from Kerry (The girl I didn't seal with deal with - see my first post on this thread), we'd been out of contact since July. I thought this could have been an accident but then again perhaps not. I assumed the latter.

So I hit reply and say 'hey how's it going'. She replied back and we exchanged a few messages. I then asked if she was stilling seeing anyone and she said she had split up. A few more messages later and she has agreed to meet up for coffee.

I do like her and she's hot so I do need to be careful. To remedy this I am trying to arrange 2 dates next week and will try and go out more.

So what's the message there? I guess it's ultimately women are the choosers and you can't force things to happen. Patience is a virtue? No idea what I'm writing now, next part!

Part 3
I'm still unemployed - when women ask I tell them and it feels good ha-ha.
Note the self when my money runs out it will be less amusing get a job!

Part 4
So met an extremely cute girl through a social circle. Now have noticed she's on a dating site & have made contact, I kept it very light hearted as I don't want to embarrass her. But equally I don't want to be a pussy and not try something...

I am mindful it's Friday night when I'm writing this and probably should have done something. Tomorrow I will.

Mark

Your doing good mate, your getting out and about and trying things. And getting some results.

At least you have dates lined up. I've not got that far yet. I'm still cold approaching to build my confidence and trying to build a social circle.

I genuinely enjoy reading your journal Mark

I would say that everybody chooses and that girls only have that power if you give it to them in your own head.

You sound like you're feeling more comfortable with your interactions and you're not scared to get what you want but you haven't quite found your mojo for your self esteem

Maybe somebody else has some great ideas or maybe you just need to be a little assertive leading girls into dates with you and rejecting the girls you know aren't floating your boat...

Just remember you have the power to choose and reject girls

Mark I enjoy reading your journal too.

You seem to be a really honest bloke. It comes across in your reports.

You don't sound as if you are very 'up' about yourself mate at the moment and what the future could possibly hold for you. It's an inner game issue. I feel you are going through the motions but not really feeling it inside.

My advice is that you need to find something to get the fire burning inside you (mojo). Then everything else will start to click in place.

Give me a shout when you are back in London and we'll go out with SmileyK and whoever else turns up from the forum.

Thanks for the feedback guys.
I do sometimes have issues with self-esteem and I find meditation is helping.
I was watching a RSD video earlier where Owen says he remains present so he can rise above his thoughts. That's what I'm trying to do; it's easier than trying to change the thoughts.

Anyway onto Saturday's field report.

A last minute decision, I decided to get the train to London to go out with a couple of guys from the forum (Paul & Paul2).

I felt good at this point. I walked onto the train platform in Farnborough and noticed a petite girl with long black hair. We held eye contact and she looked away. She was super cute. At this point what did I do? Nothing I got on the train as did she. I really should have said something, anything.

An hour later I'm at Angel tube station waiting for the guys. I've never been out in Angel and I was conscious as always that I had limited time as so I could catch my last train.

We went to the first bar which had lots of tables and most people sitting down. Paul opened 2 girls sitting on a table and gestured for us to join.
There was a blonde and brunette, both Paul's were sitting opposite the girls. I couldn't really hear the conversations.

I started talking to the brunette, she worked for a PR company, I asked her exactly what that meant. I genuinely made an effort to listen to her and found it interesting. Conversation didn't go anywhere after that. We decided to eject and go elsewhere.

On the way out we critiqued our performance. Paul2 mentioned brunette immediately switched off when we were talking about work.
I didn't agree with this but didn't dispute it. In my mind I had stopped speaking to her because it was noisy and I didn't want to shout over a table so speak with her.

We went to another pub and chatted to ourselves. Went to a few more bars and Paul did get a number close.

It was now 22.45 I had to leave at 23.00 I had not approached anyone up to this point just winged. Went back to the first bar which was now a lot busier. I felt terrible at this point, not relaxed, not congruent, not myself.

Forced myself to open 2 girls at the bar, they were pleasant enough, just no real connection was made and they soon departed.

Saw a cute blonde and brunette, so opened them. Soon as I started talking to the blonde the brunette started staring at her phone.
I said something like 'hey Facebook girl' to get her attention, she did respond but went back into her phone.
Blondy then introduces me to their third friend, another hot brunette, who was from Guildford.
Wasn't feeling relaxed and the original brunette wanted shot of me. She said 'we've got boyfriends' - I was like 'that's fine - I'm being social'
I could see the blonde girl was disappointed when I didn't put up a fight but I had to leave to catch my train.

Next time:
Focus on having a good time
Amuse myself (I'm going to start jumping up and down if I'm bored)
Do not judge or talk game when out. (If other people do just ignore it)
At least say 'hello' if hot girl on train gives me the eye, grr!

Mark

Has quite a busy week for an unemployed person.

I've been offered (I think - waiting for contract) as job starting on Monday in central London. This is something I've been working towards for a while so it's pretty exciting.

Decided to go out to a meet up event in London last night Thursday 12 Sept.
The meet up group had booked out the downstairs area of the bar. We nearly weren't let in as I forgot to press the RVSP button on (must improve my meet up etiquette).


I'm going to go straight to the main bits.
Got talking to women for a bit - just interrupted her and her friend by slightly pushing my shoulder into her and said 'I'm mingling' when she looked around. I was talking for a bit and some dude comes by and it's clear the girl and this dude called J have already been talking. They were talking for a bit and I couldn't really get a word in edge ways with Mr J. At one point he was explaining to the girl what his wrist bands meant and I said to the girl:
'He's got that to stop predatory women approaching him'.
He then said something to the girl like
'Oh this is awkward, just as well I'm saving you from him'
(He said it to her and didn't look at me once, didn't look at me at all in fact)

I remember feeling a bit insulted & embarrassed but I made the choice not to react. As Eckhart Tolle would put it I observed my thoughts and realised it was just my ego and just let it go.

Anyway spoke to her a little after that and made light of it and moved on, Mr J did the same.

Next 3 set (2 girls 1 guy).
Opened and introduced myself to everyone including the guy. I didn't want to be an asshole to the guy and 'Amog' him but he walked off soon after, which I didn't really get.

Got talking to one of the girls, Andrea from Slovakia, she was pretty hot. After chatting for about 20 minutes I asked for her number, so we could go 'running'. I then stayed chatting to her for another 10 or 15 minutes.

Messaged Andrea this morning and we're meeting up next week for coffee (less effort than running).

Today I'm off to see Kerry, for our first meet, since the Butlins weekend in July (See my first post).

Tomorrow I have a love struck date & next week I start a new job (hopefully) & go flat hunting.

Mark

Another update.

Friday met Kerry. She's nice but maybe not as pretty as I remembered her. We chatted a lot and it felt very much as though we were talking like friends. She agreed to meet up again sometime to go bowling. Although I'm not sure I want to travel to Eastbourne again it's a 1.5 hours drive.

Saturday met a girl from LoveStruck. She was nice and pretty cute. Just friendly chat and I didn't feel very relaxed.

I've been reading A New Earth by Eckhart tolle and he talks about how people in the early stages of a relationship role-play.
"I'll play who you want me to be, and you'll play who I want you to be."

It felt like that with LoveStruck girl. Anyway I arranged a second date to go bowling with her on Saturday.

Sunday I had a text from Marzena, I met on the adventure weekend back in July. I had stopped texting her after she had flaked on meeting me for a run (see previous posts).
She wanted to meet for coffee. So we met. We spent most of Sunday afternoon together. I find her very attractive and she has a super hot figure. I asked about her boyfriend and she said he's away. (I'm not sure he exists).
I really don't want to fall in the friends zone with her, hmmm.

She talked about going for run together. I text her saying 'you should join me for a night out when you've moved into your new place' and left it at that. *Next meet with her I will try it on with her or I am being a pussy and not being authentic.

Monday
(Day off from girls, haha - what have I become)

Today
Met Andrea (girl I number closed on Thurday). She's definitely cute & slovak.
Took her to the same coffee shop as Saturday's date, felt like a pimp - feeing my ego but I'm aware so it's allowed .

Again lots of chat but felt I could drift into the friend zone with her. Walked her back to the tube and kissed on cheeks and said our good byes. Have arranged to see her again.

So I am great at building comfort but shit and showing my intentions.
That has to change.

I didn't start the job on Monday, fucking recruitment consultants. Hopefully will be sorted soon.

Mark