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(#511)
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Default 17-12-2020, 11:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stein View Post
Most of my game has been in clubs for like years and I wouldn't agree with that at all. What's the thinking there.?
Maybe you misread what I wrote? I said that in daygame it's not as beneficial to go indirect and peacock because a girl might not know why you're talking to her (where as in a club if you're chatting to a chick it's nearly assumed you're trying to hit on her anyway). Peacocking in a club gives her a chance to open you, in daygame you'll aways be doing the opening.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dan300 View Post
In other news, I think I've got oneitis.

Can't stop thinking about this girl.

Been casually fucking for about a year and a half, but recently we've crossed some sort of intimacy line.
Ouch, nearly happened to me once haha... Does she tick all of your boxes? What are your boxes, out of interest.
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(#512)
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Default 18-12-2020, 11:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by VibeSpreader View Post
What are your boxes, out of interest.
Her box 😅

I'm not one of these people who has a shopping list of traits and stuff a girl needs to have. Either I like her or I don't, and then you get to find out about her as time goes along. Of course, there's certainly types I wouldn't go for, like loudmouth chavs.

She's a sexy blonde MILF with great hair and lovely soft face I like licking. We get on great with zero need to be anything else but ourselves. But we get on best in the bedroom. She's a real match for me; I enjoy talking dirty when I'm having sex with a girl I'm into, and this girl is as open as I am, more so than any other girl I've ever been with. I can really open up and she'll reciprocate. This is in addition to her wanting slapped and choked and all that kinky stuff.

So at the minute I'm in contemplation mode. Do I wife this chick and ditch the other couple of girls I'm enjoying sex with, or do I keep going the way I am and perhaps eventually lose the one I really like to someone else?

I've made such mistakes before, so that's why I need to give this serious thought. Can't be dealing with more self-inflicted heart pain.

Ps. The wife bit is a joke.


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(#513)
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Default 24-12-2020, 01:40 PM

My oneitis seems to be getting stronger.

The chick I want seems to be doing push-pull on me lately. She'll send a snap, I'll respond, she won't respond, sometimes she'll respond, sometimes she won't, and so on and so forth. It feels like I've ended up in the situation where I'm the chaser. Which is extremely interesting to me because..

With me being a student of psychology, I know exactly what the fuck is going on in my head. However, whilst I'm fully conscious of why I feel the way I do, it's not something I can just turn off, because I fancy her like fuck. It's good to know the how and why of the situation though, so I can self-analyse.

The funny part is, this is a chick who didn't show up to see me one night earlier in the year and I was like "ok fuck you bitch, I won't be bothering with you again" and yet here I am on the opposite side of that idea.

I could also be overthinking it. I mean it's Christmas and she's a single mum and is obviously busy, but if she's trying to make me want her more, it's working.

Just need to withdraw a little and chill the fuck out about it.


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Default 04-02-2021, 08:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dan300 View Post
In other news, I think I've got oneitis.

Can't stop thinking about this girl.

Been casually fucking for about a year and a half, but recently we've crossed some sort of intimacy line.
Got a bit burned by this situation.

Actually haven't seen her since before the quoted post, about 2 months.

I don't know exactly why it stings, but it's most likely a multitude of things. The incredible sex. The fact she's gorgeous. The unattainability increasing my desire for her.

So, sadly it's at a point where, as much as I fucking hate having to move on from a girl I'm really into, it looks like it's what's gotta be done.

Never expected to catch the feels but apparently sometimes it's out of your control.


EDIT: I'm reading The Art of Seduction and just come across this quote whilst reading about the different types of seducers..

"the essence of the Coquette lies not in the tease and temptation but in the subsequent step back, the emotional withdrawal. That is the key to enslaving desire."

Yea, that's me on the receiving end of exactly this ✌️😅


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Last edited by dan300; 04-02-2021 at 09:51 PM.
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(#515)
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Default 06-02-2021, 04:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dan300 View Post
Got a bit burned by this situation.

EDIT: I'm reading The Art of Seduction and just come across this quote whilst reading about the different types of seducers..

"the essence of the Coquette lies not in the tease and temptation but in the subsequent step back, the emotional withdrawal. That is the key to enslaving desire."
Sounds a lot like push pull to me.

Z


Professional bum. I post here as I have too much time on my hands :P
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(#516)
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Default 06-02-2021, 07:45 PM

That's not a description of the coquette. This is the description of a coquette...


Take the example of a woman who has consented to go out with a particular man for the first time. She knows very well the intentions which the man who is speaking to her cherishes regarding her. She knows also that it will be necessary sooner or later for her to make a decision. But she does not want to realize the urgency; she concerns herself only with what is respectful and discreet in the attitude of her companion. She does not apprehend this conduct as an attempt to achieve what we call “the first approach;” that is, she does not want to see possibilities of temporal development which his conduct presents. She restricts this behavior to what is in the present; she does not wish to read in the phrases which he addresses to her anything other than their explicit meaning.

If he says to her, “I find you so attractive!” she disarms this phrase of its sexual background; she attaches to the conversation and to the behavior of the speaker, the immediate meanings, which she imagines as objective qualities. The man who is speaking to her appears to her sincere and respectful as the table is round or square, as the wall coloring is blue or gray. The qualities thus attached to the person she is listening to are in this way fixed in a permanence like that of things, which is no other than the projection of the strict present of the qualities into the temporal flux. This is because she does not quite know what she wants.

She is profoundly aware of the desire which she inspires, but the desire cruel and naked would humiliate and horrify her. Yet she would find no charm in a respect which would be only respect. In order to satisfy her, there must be a feeling which is addressed wholly to her personality—i.e., to her full freedom—and which would be a recognition of her freedom. But at the same time this feeling must be wholly desire; that is, it must address itself to her body as object. This time then she refuses to apprehend the desire for what it is; she does not even give it a name; she recognizes it only to the extent that it transcends itself toward admiration, esteem, respect and that it is wholly absorbed in the more refined forms which it produces, to the extent of no longer figuring anymore as a sort of warmth and density.

But then suppose he takes her hand. This act of her companion risks changing the situation by calling for an immediate decision. To leave the hand there is to consent in herself to flirt, to engage herself. To withdraw it is to break the troubled and unstable harmony which gives the hour its charm. The aim is to postpone the moment of decision as long as possible. We know what happens next; the young woman leaves her hand there, but she does not notice that she is leaving it. She does not notice because it happens by chance that she is at this moment all intellect. She draws her companion up to the‐most lofty regions of sentimental speculation; she speaks of Life, of her life, she shows herself in her essential aspect—a personality, a consciousness. And during this time the divorce of the body from the soul is accomplished; the hand rests inert between the warm hands of her companion—neither consenting nor resisting—a thing.

We shall say that this woman is in bad faith.

Jean Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness.


Peace,

kowalski


Drunk driving on a Wednesday

Last edited by kowalski; 06-02-2021 at 07:54 PM.
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dan300 (07-02-2021)
(#517)
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Default 07-02-2021, 04:03 AM

Here's a little background as to why I'm in this predicament..

One Sunday towards the end October after she'd left my place, we were texting later that day and I brought up what we'd got up to in bed the previous night. I told her I'd felt the connection between us skyrocketing, and she reciprocated in the positive, affirming that she'd felt that shit too.

I know now that that was the moment when I started seeing things through the eyes of a lad who was beginning to fall for a girl. I did attempt to "play it cool" by not jumping all over it like OK SINCE YOU FEEL IT TOO LETS BE MY GIRLFRIEND, because I'm wise enough to know this could potentially repel someone, and we agreed to chill and see how it goes.

The next time we were together a couple of weeks later, I texted later that Sunday "I think I love you babe x". It was half jokingly and I was pissed, but I was of course half serious too. She joked back " I think you need sleep babe x"... However, I believe this is where I begun to make mistakes.

Many of my following communications with her were coming from a place where I had an ulterior motive. Whilst in my head I was still trying to "play it cool", what I really wanted was to maybe make this girl my girlfriend. This, alongside it being the Christmas season, elevated my emotions and I started visualising and playing shit out in my head as I wished it to be (asking her for exclusivity at Christmas face to face). We never met, but I'm sure that as much as I was still trying to maintain the 'play it cool' shit, there were subtleties giving me away.

A couple of weeks ago I text and told her I wanted her more than I wanted anyone else. Call me a pussy or a chode or whatever, I accept that, but I decided I'd rather say it than not say it. Again, I'm wise enough to know this was probably unwise. She told me she doesn't want to be serious at the minute... Yes, I know this probably means that what she really means is not with me, and most likely because of me putting her on a pedestal. Generally when people say they just don't want to be serious with anyone right now, what they really mean is not with you. Harsh, but 99% of the time it's true. I've even been the one saying this many times to various girls I was seeing, whilst the truth was that I'm always open if the right girl came along, but no-one is ever that honest in those circumstances now, are they.

Anyways, by telling her I want her more than I want anyone else, I've most likely contributed to my current situation in showing this hand. It will probably have had the reverse effect than what my intentions were. Yes I could have (and evidently should have) played it differently, but either way, I'd still have been enamoured with her.

It's almost comical that I'm a qualified student of human behaviour yet I went and lead myself down what seems to be the path of no return with this girl, despite me knowing better. My attraction and increasingly strengthening feelings for her made me make mistakes I should not have made. It's important that I acknowledge these personal failings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
That's not a description of the coquette. This is the description of a coquette...


Take the example of a woman who has consented to go out with a particular man for the first time. She knows very well the intentions which the man who is speaking to her cherishes regarding her. She knows also that it will be necessary sooner or later for her to make a decision. But she does not want to realize the urgency; she concerns herself only with what is respectful and discreet in the attitude of her companion. She does not apprehend this conduct as an attempt to achieve what we call “the first approach;” that is, she does not want to see possibilities of temporal development which his conduct presents. She restricts this behavior to what is in the present; she does not wish to read in the phrases which he addresses to her anything other than their explicit meaning.

If he says to her, “I find you so attractive!” she disarms this phrase of its sexual background; she attaches to the conversation and to the behavior of the speaker, the immediate meanings, which she imagines as objective qualities. The man who is speaking to her appears to her sincere and respectful as the table is round or square, as the wall coloring is blue or gray. The qualities thus attached to the person she is listening to are in this way fixed in a permanence like that of things, which is no other than the projection of the strict present of the qualities into the temporal flux. This is because she does not quite know what she wants.

She is profoundly aware of the desire which she inspires, but the desire cruel and naked would humiliate and horrify her. Yet she would find no charm in a respect which would be only respect. In order to satisfy her, there must be a feeling which is addressed wholly to her personality—i.e., to her full freedom—and which would be a recognition of her freedom. But at the same time this feeling must be wholly desire; that is, it must address itself to her body as object. This time then she refuses to apprehend the desire for what it is; she does not even give it a name; she recognizes it only to the extent that it transcends itself toward admiration, esteem, respect and that it is wholly absorbed in the more refined forms which it produces, to the extent of no longer figuring anymore as a sort of warmth and density.

But then suppose he takes her hand. This act of her companion risks changing the situation by calling for an immediate decision. To leave the hand there is to consent in herself to flirt, to engage herself. To withdraw it is to break the troubled and unstable harmony which gives the hour its charm. The aim is to postpone the moment of decision as long as possible. We know what happens next; the young woman leaves her hand there, but she does not notice that she is leaving it. She does not notice because it happens by chance that she is at this moment all intellect. She draws her companion up to the‐most lofty regions of sentimental speculation; she speaks of Life, of her life, she shows herself in her essential aspect—a personality, a consciousness. And during this time the divorce of the body from the soul is accomplished; the hand rests inert between the warm hands of her companion—neither consenting nor resisting—a thing.
Thanks man, this shit is deep AF. I've read this a few times, and I'll need to read it many times more.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
We shall say that this woman is in bad faith.
What do you mean here? Do you mean bad faith as in MY faith is badly placed?


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(#518)
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Default 11-02-2021, 10:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
We shall say that this woman is in bad faith.
Ok I get it now.

I've felt a serious burn this week over it all, particularly yesterday. I'm trying to wrap my head around how I've come to be in this situation. I understand all the deep coquette stuff, but further to that on a more personal level I've been reminiscing about the way it's played out over the last couple of months following the highly charged sexual energy and connection we'd created in those last few weeks together. She's gradually drifted away slowly but surely, keeping me on the hook with alluring snaps of herself and making plans that never materialized. Up to now where there's zero contact, and as much as I don't want it to be, my instinct tells me this is it finished. I can see almost step by step how I've been caught hook line and sinker with all those teasing communications and promises, alongside her captivating sexual appeal.

Last night I found a term, unrequited love, and having a name for the shit I'm feeling has alleviated the burn to some extent because now I have a point from which I can rationalise and meditate on it. It looks like I have to just accept and appreciate that for the first time in my life this was a casual relationship from which I ended up hurt by.

I just didn't see it coming.


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Last edited by dan300; 11-02-2021 at 10:26 PM.
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(#519)
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Default 12-02-2021, 02:46 PM

I don’t know what you you were thinking, bro. For sure the alcohol is a factor.

When you do that kind of stuff it should be with a motive such as to end the relationship sooner rather than later. That is to say- to go for what you want, that you know she will reject just so you both know what’s up and can say “cool, then goodbye” and never see them again. You could already know from what you feel. If you think “ok, this isn’t going the way I want... I’m gonna do x or say y (especially if y is an ultimatum)” then you already know that the balance has swung.

Girls generally aren’t going to say “Hey. Don’t say that. This relationship will never be more than it currently is” as I have done many times before the girl had said “I love you” because I saw it coming. Girls aren’t like that, they’ll just let you (they just leave their hand there in yours but as a piece of meat and not actually her) and then lose interest because the discomfort / pressure comes to outweigh the benefits.

U:I think I love you, babe
H:[dismissive response]

If you fuck up like that you’ll usually get a pass but you have to reset instantly like it never happened and never go there again. And then you’ll just kind of be on a string but pretending like you are not, still banging but not as often as you’d like... and none of this means you love the girl, there’s no way of knowing whether you do or not because you’re all caught up in the imbalance of the situation.

I’ve felt like I’ve loved girls before when there’s been that imbalance. Being emotional because we haven’t seen each other this week but also knowing that I’d never have a serious relationship with this girl.

And I wouldn’t tell any young buck to trust his feelings. When you’re young you might not be able to tell the difference between nerves because you both like each other and nerves because you want them to like you more, you need to act first, find out and then index that feeling in your feelings lookup table for future reference... but you’ve been around you should have started to notice patterns in your feelings. Like the feeling of being lied to. Trust that shit.

I don’t think what you we’re doing was crazy. I think not knowing exactly what the situation was is crazy. Act however you want but I think you should have known what kind of move you were making and expected the results in advance.


Peace,

kowalski


Drunk driving on a Wednesday

Last edited by kowalski; 12-02-2021 at 03:34 PM.
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dan300 (13-02-2021)
(#520)
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Default 13-02-2021, 05:33 AM

The couple of drunken texts I did feel a tiny bit silly about, but it was nothing more than me still being roused from the previous evenings antics with her. In any case, I don't believe they would have had any effect on where I'm at now. They were just a couple of playful texts a matter of hours after intense intimacy with each other. If that turned someone off, then there'd be something seriously wrong somewhere.

See, your second point is relative to what I've alluded to above when I observed that by me telling her a few weeks ago that I wanted her more than I wanted anyone else, and she said she didn't want to be serious with anyone. If I had been coming from the theoretical position you outlined, I would have got the outcome I wanted, but that's not what I wanted... On the flipside, it's not an impossibility that what I did do, has contributed to her withdrawing even further.

One of the biggest kickers, is this sparkled, glittering connection I've been rattling on about. That was a real high, and to be on that same sexy wavelength at the time raised my emotions to the point I had to hold those emotions back so as to 'play cool'.... and then to go from that to being slowly erased from her life over the course of two months whilst I was slowly falling in love with her, has provided me with quite a hit.

I didn't think anything I done was crazy either. If my shit wasn't reciprocated then that's because she wasn't as into me as I was her. End of story. And I just gotta be a big boy and deal with it.

Something else I just started to consider is this, there may be another guy. She did tell me a few weeks ago there was no-one else (yes I was gay and asked her) but she's a gorgeous blonde girl, it's not like she's going to have a lack of attention.

I'm doing the whole moving on thing. Working out. Exercise. Learning. Reading. Eating well. Etc.. but if she came along and asked me to meet, you can rest assured I'd pretend I was doing something else but meet her at the earliest opportunity.


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