Dale, you didn't actually ask any specific question so based on what you've said I'll respond with this..

Things always get better. I know that's quite generic but it's the simple truth. I know a guy younger than me who was buried this week. He purposely took an enormous amount of heroin, tightened a belt around his neck and died holding a photo of his young boy. Apparently he did this because he wasn't seeing his child - well I think he's a fucking stupid cunt because now he'll never see him.. I have a 6 year old boy, I would never let him be without me through me killing myself.

The point i'm making here is Dale that there's always something to live for. There's this saying, that I've been chastised for, but i think it's quite relevant "If you're going to kill yourself then you obviously don't give a fuck what happens to you, so you might as well stick around for a bit and see what happens"

Shit, I think I went off on a tangent there, you weren't suggesting suicide. But my points are of course, relevant. Hope you're ok man.