Well I went out today (Saturday) with a goal to do a few approaches, nothing major.

Unfortunately I was so inside my head that I couldn't seem to do it. I was having the old paranoid thoughts and not being in the moment. Thinking everyone was watching, thinking the targets are going to react badly, etc.

I think the main thing was that I was tired from working 5 nine hour shifts on a building site which is my job at the moment.

But I was also paranoid that after my approach spree on Thursday, I might get noticed or approach the same targets again and use up their good will.

I went to the cemetery and had a nap under an old oak tree which was nice and helped my state, but by that time I was too far down the rabbit hole.

I looked at some headstones and reminded myself that I will be dead one day but it still wasn't working!

I felt like I had a zipper on my mouth and it was firmly zipped shut. I half heartedly pursued a few chicks but didn't approach them.

I even hesitated to ask a supermarket worker if they had something. I was back to my old ways of hovering around and not approaching.

I couldn't even bring myself to do self amusement or say hi. I think I was out for 3 hours and only spoke twice to people.

Indeed I was walking around with my hood up and shades on.

I must have let 10 reasonably pretty chicks pass me by, including 2 or 3 quite stunning ones. In fact I saw more chicks today when I felt unable to approach than I normally see out!

So I could have attempted to approach, but I figured I would let myself see what it was like to be my old self again.

And that confirmed that I sure as hell know I don't want to go back!

My energy and mojo felt like it had disappeared, but I am fairly sure it was because I was tired.

I feel like if I got a couple of rejections I would have learnt something and made some effort but just having nothing doesn't feel great at all.

Tomorrow is a new day.