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Default How to be genuinely interested in her and not just her body? - 25-12-2016, 09:25 PM

Hi, so Im a beginner to all this and feel I have figured out my own psychological barrier to simply being present with a girl and that is 'genuine interest'.

So my conversational skills aren't the best, but in the right situation I have no problem in this area. After much reflection Ive realised I find it hard to be present with attractive women and any chance of having a decent conversation/game is near impossible or at least Im starting with a significant disadvantage.... I don't know but I suspect this is the same for alot of men?

So after reflecting I've realised if I can become truly interested in her as a person I'll be way more present and be able to connect and progress.
So I'm looking for tips/advice on how to turn my focus solely on having a genuine interest in her? and in doing so everything else will come.

Thank you in advance for any help. Much respect
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Default 26-12-2016, 04:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kowalski View Post
So, you see the hot girl and think she is hot and go chat to her. You know nothing about her except that she is hot and her hotness is your only reason for talking to her. There's your genuine interest.

You are ready to fuck right now but she, usually, needs to know more about you before she is ready to fuck. This is, therefore, about you not her. It's her who needs to like you for more than your body. You already like her sufficiently just for her body. As you go along you might find things about her that interest you other than her body but they are not valuable to you tSo, you see the hot girl and think she is hot and go chat to her. You know nothing about her except that she is hot and her hotness is your only reason for talking to her. There's your genuine interest.

You are ready to fuck right now but she, usually, needs to know more about you before she is ready to fuck. This is, therefore, about you not her. It's her who needs to like you for more than your body. You already like her sufficiently just for her body. As you go along you might find things about her that interest you other than her body but they are not valuable to you till after you've fucked her, she was a good fuck and now you are thinking about keeping her around.


Peace,

kowalski
Hay Kowalski, thanks for the reply man. Merry Christmas by the way.

So, it may have been an idea to give you a little context, may make things more understandable.
Sure, a seasoned PUA may have the same views you've shared. For me a newbie things are a little different.
Beyond having sex, I'd also like someone who I could have fun with outside of bed. I have approach/social anxiety in certain situations, being around women is one of them.
Assessing myself, I see if I can focus on purely on the having fun aspect (like you might with any person) and somehow forget the sex/attractiveness aspect I stand a greater chance to being 'present and in the moment' and greater chance of achieving both fun with her and sex.

I appreciate that you may only desire sex/fucking but you must get some level of fun when you are actually with a women beyond the thought of sex later, otherwise the process would be very tedious, no? And if it is tedious then how do you deal with that? Thats what Im asking.

Cheers bro
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Default 26-12-2016, 10:25 PM

If your main concern is a sincere interest in having conversations with people you'd be going up to a fairly equal amount of guys and girls. I might not want to admit that it's at least mostly a sexual thing, but your brain knows that.

Thing is, girls know that shit too. They know why guys are coming up to them in bars. But there's more to it than just seeing someone and rutting automatically. My main motivation when talking to a girl when I'm out is to get my end away at some point, but there's more prerequisites than that. I have no interest in having sex with a needy psycho girl who's going to drunk text me needy shit at 3am on a Tuesday. Likewise, regardless of whether they find you attractive girls basically need to know that you're honest, cool with yourself and other people, and not some van dwelling sex pest who'll lock them in a cellar or some mouthbreathing thirstbag who thinks he's scott pilgrim.

On a night out that's what the basic deal is. Go up, be cool, see if you get along, and if not, no big deal. The whole sex thing is fairly implicit anyway. She knows you arent talking to her out of sincere human curiosity. So own that. It's not a big deal. In fact in that social context it's almost stranger not to be like that.

Don't worry too much about this presence shit. Is it nice to be present? Sure. Does the vast majority of the human race get laid without even knowing what being present is? Of course.

All you need to do is just chill a bit. Going up and saying hey to a girl isn't weird, and it's not putting yourself out on a limb. It's totally bog standard. You're attracted to her, you know that, she knows that. And if you don't click, which could be for a million reasons, you've lost exactly zero of anything.


“As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.” - Emerson
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Default 26-12-2016, 11:19 PM

Hay Kowalski / Stein,
Thank you for your replies.
Kowalski, there is definite freedom in what you say... I managed to get back to basics and gain a clear perspective again with your comment.

Stein, I guess my social anxiety is an issue so had tried to find means to appease it in the situation of meeting girls. But I take on board what you say about not worrying about being present and a 'Trial and error' approach is probably the simplest means? Thank you
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Default 19-02-2018, 05:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by acbdox View Post
So after reflecting I've realised if I can become truly interested in her as a person I'll be way more present and be able to connect and progress.
So I'm looking for tips/advice on how to turn my focus solely on having a genuine interest in her? and in doing so everything else will come.

Thank you in advance for any help. Much respect
Yeah the trouble is when guys just focus on a women's attractiveness it can cause a lot of problems for some, like anxiety and you can come across as creepy and awkward.

Focusing on her as a person defuses a lot of that anxiety, so you can use basic applied psychology for starting conversations. So basically ask questions about her, her ambitions in life, what she's studying what job she wants. Generally people love to talk about themselves. It also helps if you have your own ambitions and goals.

Then once you're comfortable having a conversation with her you can turn it to flirting.


Perception is Projection.
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Default 12-06-2018, 06:32 AM

usually i would look at her face and not care too much about the body, because when you wake up you will always still see the face first.... not to mention similar hobbies and interests....
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